Despite 3 bathrooms, my kid ALWAYS wants to use the one I’m using. For clarification purposes, I’m not in the bathroom right now. No, really, I’m not.

It never fails. No matter when I need to make a quick trip to the bathroom, my daughter decides all of a sudden that she has to go to. Then it’s a mad dash to get there. We have a guest bathroom but I just don’t like using it.

Mostly because my husband uses that one a lot and so does my 5 year-old. And our 2 cats eat in there so you have to dodge whatever cat food they knocked out of their bowl and onto the floor without it sticking to your bare feet. I guess cat food tastes better off the floor than from a bowl. What animals!

My husband has his own bathroom and the little hummingbird and I share one.

I don’t use the hubby’s bathroom because to be honest, ewww… boys. Walking into his bathroom is like walking on the set of Nightmare On Elm Street, where at any time Freddy Krueger could jump out of nowhere. His bathroom is clean-ish but scary at the same time. When I must walk in for emergency purposes, I swear the music from Psycho starts playing in my mind.

No, you can't make me! I will not go into my man's bathroom!

No, you can’t make me! I will not go into my man’s bathroom!

I’ll slowly open the door. His shower will be dripping. The smell of man pee starts to hit me. There will be an empty roll of toilet paper, just waiting to be changed. His sink will have hair all over from when he shaved that morning. And there will be a big ass ball of clumpy dried soap on the dispenser.

Am I the only one that actually cleans my soap dispenser just so that ball of goop doesn’t form?

But anyway, back to the hummingbird.

She’s not afraid to use his bathroom.  So, I usually ask her to use his so I can use mine. But nope, the battle of the butts is what we usually resort to. Whoever gets their butt on the toilet first wins of course. I’m sure that’s quite a sight. We’ll run up the stairs side by side, giggling all the way up, and we drop trou as soon as we hit the bathroom door.

If she does win, and let’s face it, she is younger and faster, I’ll just wait until she’s done. The hummingbird always asks me why I don’t just go into the hubby’s bathroom and that’s when the Psycho music starts going around in my mind.

SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH.

What I imagine happening ever time I take a shower.

What I imagine happening ever time I take a shower.

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Fast and Easy Korean Beef Over Rice

Photo Credit: The Girl Who Ate Everything

Photo Credit: The Girl Who Ate Everything

After years of throwing holy water on cooking like it was some vampire coming to kill me, a couple of years ago, I finally got into a cooking groove. I even *GASP* looked forward to it while also starting a food blog, which I’ve since abandoned.

I discovered two thing about cooking. You’ve got to LOVE what your cooking to really love cooking. For me, I loved the challenge of cooking food I thought would be difficult.

My definition of “difficult” at the time was something beyond microwave nachos, frozen lasagna, and if I really went wild, making the exotic and way out there French toast. Adding bacon on the side made me feel like a goddamn gourmet. Pouring a glass of orange juice to go along with it and… BOOM, I’m a culinary genius.

So yeah, I had a lot to learn. But since we moved to Maine last summer, I haven’t cooked much and my old ways are back.

The little hummingbird is still a very picky eater and only likes a small list of foods so I’ve been on the lookout to try recipes I hope my hubby and I will like.

I really want to get back into cooking again. Maybe even start my food blog back up.

I came across this recipe a few days ago and we tried it. Fast and Easy Korean Beef. This was really very good… and truly fast and easy. From start to finish; getting everyone to the table and sitting down to eat, it took about 25 minutes. Hmmm, fast and easy. Just like I was in my late teens. Bada bing!

I tried many times to get a photo of this but all of my pictures turned out pretty bad. I blame the two beers I had while cooking this.

I hope you enjoy!

Korean Beef Over Rice

Ingredients:

1 pound lean ground beef

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup soy sauce

1 tablespoon sesame oil

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 tsp fresh ginger, minced (I was actually going to leave this out but so glad I got it)

1 tsp red pepper flakes (or to desired taste)

1 bunch green onions, diced (adding this is what knocks it out of the park)

salt

pepper

cooked rice

Directions:

Start cooking rice according to directions.

In a large pan, add sesame oil and garlic over medium heat. Cook for 2 minutes and give it a stir. Brown the hamburger meat and drain when done.

Add brown sugar, soy sauce, salt and pepper, ginger, and red pepper flakes to the cooked hamburger. Simmer for a few minutes and stir.

Serve the Korean beef over rice. Add a generous amount of green onions and a few splashes of soy sauce, if desired.

*To check out more recipes, go here.

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10 signs that you have a little girl.

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When I was pregnant with my now 5 year-old daughter, I told myself there was no way she would be a girly girl, seeing that I was somewhat of a tomboy when I was younger. I thought she would be the same way. Oh, how wrong I was. Here are just some of the signs that you have a little girl. Of course a few of these apply to little boys as well.

10. She has more shoes than you do.

9. You have no less than 5 Barbie dolls throughout your house.

8. All of your clean towels are on the floor, being used to jump in pretend puddles.

7. You don’t even realize you’ve been watching Nickelodeon Jr. alone until 30 minutes later.

6. There are at least 10 stuffed animals and toys piled in your child’s bed.

5. If you ask her what her favorite color is, she’ll say pink, purple, polka dots, and Hello Kitty.

4. You have an overabundunce of laundry from all of the clothing changes she has every day.

3. You can braid hair and make a ballet bun in record time, using a pink or purple hair band of course.

2. Everything she owns is called Princess, Twilight, Rainbow, or Sparkle.

1. It looks like Disney, Peppa Pig, and Hello Kitty threw up in your house.

What are some of the signs that show you have a son or daughter?

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Blog Love: Rubber Shoes In Hell, Stay At Home Pundit, My Life Suckers, and Temerity Jane.

bloglove1Check out these great blogs and pass on the love!

Rubber Shoes In Hell: Emergency Bags And Leaky Data, Do NOT Touch My Boobs, and Unpleasant Sayings That Apply. Twitter: @RageMichelle

Stay At Home Pundit: A Manifesto On Fucking, Why I Think Transphobia Is Stupid, and Kirk Cameron Is A Bigot. Yeah, I Said It. Twitter: @AtHomePundit

My Life Suckers: Love her blog and Deva is also a contributor for What The Flicka?.: Real Mom Makeup Tutorial (freaking hilarious and relatable), Bedtime (“Timber” Mom Parody), Boob Torture Device AKA The Breast Pump, and The Big Poop Plane Delay. Twitter: @mylifesuckers

Temerity Jane: Love her tagline… It Is Way Better To Be Me Than To Be Someone Who Has To Deal With MeI’m Sorry I Blamed You, Purple Laces, CRAPMAGNET, and Please Don’t Sic Your Flight Attendants On Me And Parenty Rectangles. Twitter: @TemerityJane

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A life taken way too soon.

*Please know that what follows is extremely upsetting and disturbing so if needed, click off now. Thank you. xo

bb1

Over the weekend, a close friend from high school had an unimaginable loss. His niece and his twin brother’s 22 year-old daughter was killed. She was 7 months pregnant with her son and has a precious 2 year-old daughter.

The man that killed her was her boyfriend and the father of her unborn child. Briana left behind many loved ones who are understandably in so much pain.

A Go Fund Me account has been started in her honor.

I would never usually ask this (honestly, I feel very uncomfortable doing so because I don’t want anyone to feel pressured) and haven’t done anything at all like this on my blog in the 4 years that I’ve had it, but if you can help, please do. Any amount would help her family.

Even if you are unable to donate, I ask you from the bottom of my heart to pass this on in any way that you can. Any way at all. Whether it’s on Facebook, Twitter, through a link in an email, anything.

Her young daughter, Bonnie, is now without her mother and this family would be so appreciative. Here is Briana’s Go Fund Me page where you can get more information.

This is such a huge reminder to hug your loved ones extra tight.

Thank you all so much. xoxo

Updated:

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My kid has learned to lay on the guilt. F***ck.

Not to offend or be politically incorrect (Actually I hate being politically correct, it’s called humor people!!! Get a fucking grip.), blah, blah blah… but I feel like I’m living with a tiny Jewish mother when it comes to my 5 year-old daughter.

Not that I have a Jewish mother and I don’t mean to stereotype, but as long as I’ve been on this earth, there have been countless times that I’ve heard that Jewish mothers have taken guilt to an art form.

Anyway…

What really stood out for me was when we had our camping trip a few weeks ago and the little hummingbird really layed the guilt on us. I felt like shit but at the same time, it was fucking hilarious to me. I don’t know, maybe you had to be there.

My husband was making a fire so we could roast some marshmallows for s’mores and to start the fire, he dug around in the backseat of the car for some paper. It was paper with drawings and such that the bird made at preschool.

Drawings that she forgot about that had been in the back of my car for months. Yes, I really need to clean my car. Desperately.

My daughter normally didn’t give a shit about these pictures and drawings but immediately grew an attachment to them when my husband picked them out to use for the fire. I get it, really I do, since I do the same but what followed almost made me pee myself.

As her sudden attachment to her pictures were burning in the fire, she layed on the guilt big time.

I’ll never forget it.

As she watched them burn, she stood by the fire with the most pitiful look on her face and said “Bye pictures, I’ll miss you.”

Really kid, REALLY?!

But it worked and the husband and I looked at each other and I knew we were thinking ” Holy hell, we are shitty parents.”

Of course, once we sat around the campfire together and made the delicious, gooey s’mores, the hummingbird quickly forgot her beloved artwork.

Since then, she has found that laying on the guilt works in her favor.

Damn it!

What have your kids done to really lay on the guilt?

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Book Giveaway: My children’s book… Dream Of All The Stars Above.

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So, I wrote a children’s book, my very first, and the awesome Carrie illustrated it with beautiful watercolor paintings. It’s a short and simple “bedtime book” for kids, newborn-4. I was wanting to make it a board book but found that to be near impossible for self-publishing.

I wrote this book a few years ago with Carrie and it’s finally published! If you ever need an illustrator, Carrie is the one. I’m slowly writing a blog based book including past posts and some new writing (if I can concentrate long enough to put it together) and I’m going to have Carrie do the cover for that as well.

I’m also writing an adult (no, not porn… although hmmm…) mystery called The Mill which I have been working on for at least 2 years but doubt has been plaguing me. Yes, I am my own worst enemy. Let me know if you’d like to read a little of the first chapter and maybe I’ll put it up in a post. 

Back to the book at hand… I’m doing a giveaway for 2 books of Dream Of All The Stars Above. It’s open for everyone to enter. All you need to do is let me know what your favorite books to read were when you were a kid/teen.

For me, I absolutely adored all of the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary, which I’m now reading to my daughter (how awesome is that), Judy Blume rocked it (Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret and Tiger Eyes were my favorites!), and when I was a little older, I would get my hands on anything to do with V.C. Andrews. Yes, I am loving the movies Lifetime is doing based on the Flowers In The Attic books!

The giveaway is open for submissions, one per person that will be selected by the random number generator, until Tuesday, July 22nd at 8 pm EST. Good Luck!

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*Find me on Twitter: @thisismommyhood, Instagram: ahummingbirdoncrack, and Facebook: This Is Mommyhood.

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