This Is Mommyhood

This guest post is from the always lovely Weezafish who I’m very honored to have as a new writer for A Nervous Tic Motion.

A few of her posts that are must reads are Big Shout Out To All The Mummys…Now Go Easy On Yourselves, COP 17 – Get Ready for That Ice Age People, and I Wanna Girl.

Q and A with Weeza

Weezafish: E. other and what would it be? I’m definitely favouring a big ol’ shot gun for easy head removal from a distance. I don’t want Zombie blood and brain matter all over my nice outfit, I plan on looking hot while I blast those undead!

Elle: If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone who would it be? 

Weeza: I hate to sound boring but honestly, Hubby would be my first choice. He’s a very resourceful, knowledgeable and hands on sort of a chap, so I feel fairly confident that he’d figure a way out. Failing that, I love his conversation and I fancy the pants off him so if we get bored waiting for help we’re all good

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere in the world (real or fantasy), where would it be?

Weeza: I’m going to forget for a second that all my family are in the UK because that’s the obvious choice, as I’m living in Africa. But aside from that, I’d love to travel to the Far East. I love travelling full stop but the Far East is a place I haven’t got to yet and I’d love to go. Malaysia, Thailand .. interesting destinations to me.

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

Weeza: I do love my chocolate, but as do most sensible and intelligent people in my eyes and I wouldn’t exactly say I feel guilty about my love of it, ha! Smoking, I guess, is the one I would feel guilty about although it’s not a great secret that I smoke. The guilt comes from knowing that in just doing so, I’m giving my kids the totally wrong role model for health, ‘real’ though it may be.

Elle: If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never have to hear about them again, who would it be?

Weeza: Celine Dion. You need me to explain?? Elle: That awful Titanic song that she sings kills my soul every time I hear it so there’s no need to explain.

Elle: Which would you rather win? An Oscar, a Grammy, or a Tony.

Weeza: Grammy. Music is my first love.

Elle: What’s one of your favorite books?

Weezafish: The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Strauss. A very moving and sometimes horrific, fantasy filled adventure that I first read when I was 11 or 12. The impact of it’s writing and how it moved me has never left me and it’s topped my book list ever since. I read a lot, I love a good book, but nothing has ever outshone the memories of that early read of mine.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or brings you back to your teen years?

Weezafish: ANYTHING disco and/or funky will get me moving. Jamiroquai reminds me of the 90′s and I was an Ibiza loving House Bunny (believe it or not) in my youth so any well mixed Deep House from Ibiza clubs is always a winner at my party.

Elle: A favorite non-mommy activity?

Weeza: If I’m non-Mummy, then firstly I try and focus on Hubby and I’s time together. You don’t mean rude stuff though do you? But if it’s something just for me, it will probably be writing led. Either blogging, or reading. With a large slab of choc to hand.

Elle: What’s a favorite book that you like to read to your kids?

Weeza: Age group they are now, I love reading them the Mr Men books. I had them as a child and my Mum bought a couple for the boys when she last visited. When they’re older, I’m looking forward to reading them Trillions by Nicholas Fisk, one of my childhood favourites, as well as the more obvious ‘greats’ like Harry Potter, Tolkein.

Elle: What kids cartoon or character makes you want to bang your head against a spike?

Weezafish: None that I can think of! Like most Mum’s, I try and steer clear of the fighting led ones but I’m a big fan of Pixar movies so maybe I’m too immature to answer that question!

Elle: What’s one of your favorite movies?

Weeza: Ah too many, too many. I love a good movie. Little Miss Sunshine and Juno, anything Tarantino, anything by Pixar. The Big Blue (Luc Besson fan) … I could go on for months Elle, really I could. I can’t actually think of a movie I really don’t like.

I Thought Mother Nature Was A Girl?!?

by Weezafish

I’ve recently finished breast feeding our youngest. And THAT’S the start of a Mummy post if I ever read one.

I was sharing my body image concerns with hubby the other night; he’d reached for what he thought was something stuck on my belly, it turned out to be just a shadow of a fold. Eeek!

I told him that aside from having enough excess skin these days to make a Mini Me, I dreaded ‘Spaniels Ears’ boobs now that the milk wasn’t plumping them up anymore, and we got into a conversation about the drastic changes that take place to a womans body during and after childbirth.

I complained “Why does nature do that to a woman? Why can’t our skin and muscles be massively elastic, so we can spring back after childbirth? And why do my previously much-loved full and bouncy boobs have to become spaniels ears after breastfeeding? Can’t they just go back to being full and bouncy again?”

Clearly not, no matter how much I whined.

Hubby tried his best to cheer me up, he had a theory that he thought might help.

Hubby: “I think it’s about natures attempts to make you a Mother”

Me: “Huh?”

Hubby: “You remember that theory we read, about babies being cute so they get looked after?”

** Theory, by a renowned English Paediatrician, is that children are born with big eyes, cute noses, soft skin and hair which stays with them when they’re young, because if they didn’t look so damn adorable, we wouldn’t put up with the demands required to look after them. And they depend on us, hence they must be adorable. Interesting hey?

Anyhoo, I did remember the theory although I wasn’t sure where hubby was going with it.

Me: “What about it?”

Hubby: “Well if nature can do THAT, be THAT well planned – couldn’t it also maybe take steps to ensure that you stay with your baby and mother it? Your body is now the body of a mother, not a single girly”

I laughed.

Me: “You mean, you think Mother Nature takes away all my physical sexual attraction so I can’t go out and be a trollop? To keep me at home with my baby?

Mum’s don’t need to be attractive once they have attracted a father for their child, is that it?”

Hubby (and we’re both laughing now, so the cheer up worked): “It’s just a theory. Pay off for motherhood! You want to be a Mum, you cannot be a sexually active temptress as well”.

The laughing subsides.

Me: “So what about the Father?”

Hubby: “???”

Me: “Men don’t go through childbirth or breastfeed, which are the catalysts for the Mummying, if you will, change in womens bodys. So what happens to a mans body to keep Daddy at home too? Your body is unchanged in comparison to mine, but you are a father. Why does nature not take away your sexual attractiveness too, so you can’t go out and mess around?”

Hubby: “I dunno, maybe the pay off for Dad was enough that you had to go out and work hard to pay for everything”

Me: “Oh come on, 1950’s man, it’s not like that naturally you know that”

Hubby: “True, I know. In caveman times men and women stood side by side, fought and hunted together”

Me: “Women did get clubbed on the head as a form of foreplay mind you”

Hubby: “Yeah, but we were wild animals then. She was clubbed on the head because she’d probably scratch your eyes out and bite your dick off if you tried flirting. If man hadn’t have done that, the species would never had continued!”

Now we’re laughing again, at the thought of cavemen flirting and making small talk, but I hadn’t forgotten my point, Mister Hubby.

Me: “So? What’s Dad’s pay off for becoming a Dad and Mother Natures way of keeping him home and faithful, for the sake of his kids and his lovely wife?”

Hubby: “I don’t know, I really can’t think of one. Not that’s physically changing, in the way that women are affected. Mother Nature’s not very fair on this, is she?”

Me: (flicking my extra belly skin grumpily) “I’m beginning to think Mother Nature is a man”.