Tooth Fairy Drama And Other Mythical Tales

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The hummingbird lost her first tooth last summer when she was 4. She was understandably in pain and feeling miserable. But not as miserable as she was after we told her the tooth fairy was coming and would leave her a present.

I don’t remember ever fearing the tooth fairy but it was mostly because I would get money. Sure, it was only 50 cents or even a dollar but I felt like I had hit the jackpot.

The hummingbird, however, was anything but excited about getting a present from the tooth fairy. I get that a fairy coming into your house at night while you’re sleeping is pretty damn creepy so my husband and I tried to calm her down.

But she would not go to sleep, in fear for her life over the dreaded tooth fairy.

That’s when the whole tag team parenting thing went into effect. Where you and your spouse start pulling things out of your ass and work with each other, trying to come up with anything to calm your kid down. Or whatever the situation may require.

I told my 4 year-old that I would call the tooth fairy to let them know they weren’t needed that night. That didn’t work so I said I’ll call the tooth fairy and she can speak to him herself.

I repeated to her that she can personally speak to the tooth fairy and that’s when my husband caught on and suddenly, he had to make a trip to the bathroom.

So, the hummingbird was able to talk to the tooth fairy aka the hubby in a really high voice on the phone, and she seemed to relax.

As soon as we tucked her into bed for the 3rd or 4th time that night, we were ready to pat ourselves on the back. We felt like we rocked this parenting thing.

Before we could even sit down in the other room, she came out and was still scared as hell about the freaking tooth fairy. It was a very long night.

The next day, I told her we struck a deal with the tooth fairy and she was able to go to the toy store to pick out something. I figured she had the reaction she had because she was still so young.

She recently lost another tooth and holy hell, the tooth fairy drama came back in full force. I reassured her that he wouldn’t come to the house, bribed her so she would go to sleep, begged her to go to sleep, and then she got her way and slept in our room despite calling and emailing the tooth fairy that night.

But she was still terrified and since my husband had to run to the store anyway, we told her that he was meeting up with the tooth fairy to collect her present.

Later on, I basically told my husband “fuck this tooth fairy stuff”, we need to tell her that they don’t exist.

It’s one thing if your kid enjoys it but needless to say, the hummingbird was not that kid.

At first she was confused but I think she got it. She knew that parents are really the tooth fairy. I had to also be sure to let her know that she needs to be careful and not let other kids know. That this is something they will find out on their own later on.

When she asked if the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus were real, I assured her that they were. I felt like shit but didn’t want to burst the bubble for my 5 year-old.

I figure there is always that one asshole kid you have in your class while growing up that spills all those things and ruins it for the other kids. I remember the dickhead in 2nd grade who told all the kids in the class that Santa Claus wasn’t real.

While I loved Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny was actually my favorite when I was a kid.

I love the pretty clothes, Easter egg hunts, fluffy stuffed bunnies, not having to write out all of those holiday cards, coloring eggs, and most importantly, those orgasmic peanut butter cup shaped eggs and Cadbury chocolate eggs. Although, I could do without eating so many eggs because everyone in the house end up having smelly egg farts. Don’t light a match!

When I was about 6, a tragic chain of events occurred and scarred me forever when it came to the Easter Bunny.

Okay, not really, but damn it, I still want to believe that there really IS an Easter Bunny that hops around, spreading chocolate joy and sugar highs to many kids and adults.

So, one night I was in bed and supposed to be asleep. At the time, my mom was single and worked a few jobs. My grandmother lived with us and was watching me that night.

I set out a few carrots for the Easter Bunny and could not wait until the next morning. My excitement kept me up late. That’s when I heard my mom coming home from work.

My mom and grandmother were talking about different things and I was finally feeling sleepy. As I was lying there half asleep, I heard my mom talking about the Easter Bunny.

That’s when it happened.

I heard my mom crunching on a carrot.

OH MY GOD!!!

NOOOO!

At first I thought that was so mean of her to eat the Easter Bunny’s carrot but as I heard more of the conversation she was having with my grandmother, I found that my beloved bunny wasn’t real after all.

I thought about freaking her out by running down the hall into the living room and catching her in the act. Oh, how glorious that would have been.

Instead, I decided to just go along with it because it seemed to make her happy.

Mostly though, in my kid state of mind, I was afraid if I did say something, all of that candy I would get every year would stop.

Hmmm, now that I think about it, maybe this is why my husband drives me crazy every time I hear him crunching on carrots.

When did you or your kids find out the truth about these tall tales? How did you or they find out?

*You’re The One That I Want

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Harvest Snaps Review


I never tried Harvest Snaps before so when the box came, my family and I dived in. These delicious snacks are gluten-free, high in fiber, and best yet, low in fat since they’re baked.

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Harvest Snaps have flavors for any kind of tastes; Lightly Salted, Black Pepper, Tomato Basil, Onion Thyme, and my favorites, Wasabi Ranch and Caesar.

They are so light and crispy and very addicting. Out of the six bags we received, two of them were gone within a few days. And yes, both of those bags were mostly devoured by me.

I love giving them to my 5 year-old for a snack once she comes home from school. My husband keeps a bag at work in his office, and I love munching on them for a guilt free nighttime snack.

Compared to the chips we usually eat, these snapea crisps are a healthier option and lower in sodium. Next time you go to the store, pick up a bag. You won’t be disappointed. I highly recommend Wasabi Ranch and Caesar.

Enjoy!


Lunchspiration is a great place to give you lunch ideas: Lunchspiration.

To find out more about Harvest Snaps, check them out here: Harvest Snaps.

This post was created in partnership with Harvest Snaps. I have been compensated for this post. However, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

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Peenterest: Pivot!

It’s that time of the month for a Peenterest post. If you’re wondering why in the hell I call it this, it’s because that’s what I call Pinterest. I know, it’s only amusing to me. And Pinterest is where I find these funny little cards. Enjoy and I hope at least one of them gives you a laugh.

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* This cracks me up every time…

**Pinterest: This Is Mommyhood

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Guest Post: This Is Motherhood

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This guest post comes from the fabulous Toni who you can find at Toni Hammer and she’s also a contributor at What The Flicka? Make sure to check out What I Say Vs. What My Kids Hear, 10 Ways To Annoy A New Mom, and What Toddlers Think Before Falling Asleep.

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Motherhood is changing your clothes seven times a day because your newborn won the silver medal in spitting up.

Motherhood is changing your clothes four times a day because your outfit is considered a giant kleenex.

Motherhood is throwing caution to the wind and just heading out into the world with stained clothes.

Motherhood is your coffee being spilled onto the carpet every day for a week until you rein in your mommy brain and remember to keep it out of reach of Tommy Touch Everything.

Motherhood is waking up at 1am (and 2 and 3 and 4) to hold and rock and cuddle a sick or teething baby.

Motherhood is waking up at 1am (or 2 or 3 or 4) to convince your toddler that it’s not time to be awake yet.

Motherhood is stepping on Cheerios a week after the box was empty and you’ve vacuumed roughly 72 times.

Motherhood is discovering cream cheese fingerprints on the top shelf of the DVD rack without any idea where they came from.

Motherhood is poop 24/7.

Motherhood is lying awake at night worrying your children won’t have anyone to eat lunch with at school… when they’re barely toddler age.

Motherhood is considering two showers a week a huge victory.

Motherhood is regretting teaching your daughter to call her pacifier a “suck” because she’s way too good at the “uck” sound.

Motherhood is screaming right along with your kids when you’re all having a bad day.

Motherhood is applauding your son when he takes his first steps.

Motherhood is realizing your world is over now that your son has taken his first steps.

Motherhood is stopping in the middle of a crosswalk to retrieve the doll your kid chucked out of the stroller.

Motherhood is giving your son a cookie at 10am because it’s adorable when he says “peeeease.”

Motherhood is eating your kid’s leftovers and calling it dinner.

Motherhood is dozing off on the couch and waking up to a toddler finger up your nose.

Motherhood is going to Target by yourself and feeling like you’re on a week long vacation.

Motherhood is misty eyes when your child says “love you, Mom” for the first time.

Motherhood is bawling your eyes out because this job is hard.

Motherhood is bawling your eyes out because this job is the best.

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Toni Hammer never planned on having kids, but she’s now a stay-at-home mom to Lily and Levi born 355 days apart. She chronicles her mommy misadventures at tonihammer.com, on Twitter and her Facebook page because she’s a social media addict. She contrinutes to Scary Mommy and What the Flicka and when her children are finally asleep, she works on her first book “Is It Bedtime Yet? Stories from a Mom Who Never Wanted the Job,praying a publisher will, ya know, buy it. She loves food she doesn’t have to cook or clean up and believes her out of control coffee consumption should be studied by science.

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What’s For Lunch?

Trying to figure out what lunches to pack for the hummingbird since she started kindergarten has been a challenge. I found that her class only gets 20 minutes to eat lunch. I think that includes getting a bunch of 5 year-old’s into the cafeteria, have them sit, and unpack their lunches.

I’ve been making more of her favorites but still add a bit of variety. I’m hoping I can downgrade her eating status from extremely major picky eater that sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out because she absolutely refuses to take a tiny, little bite of something new to major picky eater.

l to r: Sliced carrots and cherry tomatoes, strawberries and blueberries, cheese pizza, ranch dressing

l to r: carrots and cherry tomatoes, strawberries and blueberries, cheese pizza, ranch dressing in container.

 

l to r: salad, sweet pickles, applesauce, mini banana, chees-its, pb and honey, ranch dressing.

l to r: salad, sweet pickles, applesauce, mini banana, cheez-its, pb and honey sandwich, ranch dressing.

 

broccoli and carrots, strawberries and blueberries, yogurt, ranch dressing.

l to r: broccoli and carrots, strawberries and blueberries, yogurt, pb and j sandwich, ranch dressing.

 

l to r: cashews, craisans, and chocolate chips, strawberries and grapes, pepporoni, cheese, goldfish.

l to r: cashews, craisans, and chocolate chips, strawberries and grapes, pepperoni, cheese, goldfish.

 

l to r: strawberries and grapes, pretzel stick and peanut butter in container, cheese, pb and j.

l to r: strawberries and grapes, pretzel sticks with peanut butter in container, cheese, pb and j sandwich.

 

goldfish, strawberries, tortilla wrap with shredded cheese, lettuce, sliced sweet pickles, and shredded carrots with mayo.

goldfish, strawberries, tortilla wrap with shredded cheese, lettuce, sliced sweet pickles, and shredded carrots with mayo, yogurt.

 

Apple Slice Cookies

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I made these for the hummingbird recently and she loved them.

Directions:

1. Cut an apple into slices (I took the skin off… per my kid’s request).

2. Soak the sliced apple in 1 cup water with 1 tablespoon of lemon juice for

5 minutes to prevent browning.

3. Take out of water and blot dry.

4. Spread with any nut butter you prefer. (That made me giggle. Yes, I’m 12)

4. Add toppings. I used cashews and mini chocolate chips… or any topping you prefer;

pecans, sliced almonds, coconut, craisans, etc.

What was your favorite and least favorite lunch as a kid?

Sometimes, I would bring my lunch to school but would always look forward to pizza day. It was like the rock star of school lunch days. In junior high, I was obsessed with the salad bar and would have a salad and baked potato every. single. day.

My least favorite lunch was when my mom would put a banana in my lunch box. EVERYTHING would end up tasting like a banana (my sandwich, potato chips… ick) and to this day, I don’t care for them.

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Salmon With Brown Sugar Chili Powder Rub

Photo Credit: Pinch Of Yum

Photo Credit: Pinch Of Yum

I came across this recipe a few weeks ago and have made it for my husband and I twice already. It’s so easy as well as fast and delicious. I had never cooked fish before this but it was much easier than I thought. I only got 2 salmon steaks to cook since our daughter doesn’t like fish but you can easily double the recipe.

Ingredients:

2 salmon steaks (or filets)

1 lime

2 tablespoons brown sugar

1 tablespoon chili powder

dash of cayenne pepper

dash of salt

1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil

Directions:

In a bowl, add brown sugar, chili powder, cayenne pepper, and salt. Mix together. Lay salmon on a cutting board. Cut lime in half and squeeze each half on salmon steaks on both sides. Take the rub and coat the salmon on each side with fingers.

In a large pan, heat olive oil over medium high heat. Add the salmon steaks (if using filets, put them skin side up) and cook, undisturbed for 4 minutes. Flip the salmon on the other side and cook another 4 minutes until fish is firm and flaky.

I served this along with baked sweet potatoes and fresh steamed green beans. Delicious!

I hope you enjoy!

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MakeUp

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The other night I was getting ready to go out and the 5 year-old hummingbird was watching me put on makeup. I hate wearing it and as soon as I can, I like to take it off. So, she doesn’t normally see me in it that often.

Hummingbird: Wow, you look so pretty.

Me: Thanks!

Hummingbird: How did you get your lips so red?

Me: Lipstick.

Hummingbird: I like it! Really, really like it!

Me: Thank you!

Hummingbird: Why don’t you normally look like this?

Me: Um, well, I don’t really like to wear makeup. But maybe I should start wearing it more.

Hummingbird: You should. You look so much better!

Me: Next time, I’ll put on a little more.

Hummingbird: Okay.

Hummingbird: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Hummingbird: Can you put on more now? Please? You look better with it.

Leave it to kids to be so honest!

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