xoxo

A few weeks ago, I got a nasty cold that I’m finally getting over. The hubby and I even survived planning and having the hummingbird’s 5th birthday party. The bird is also out of preschool all next week so vodka, here I come!

I want to thank everyone for all the love and support since our loss of baby Ben. I’ve been in a pretty awful funk and depression has been kicking my ass but I’m slowly coming out of it.

I’m really behind on so much and if you’ve emailed me and I haven’t replied yet, I will soon.

This weekend I’m going to sit my ass down and start writing again.

Much love to you for being there through the good and bad. I think the card below says it the best. Mwah!

pissinpants1

*Who Knew

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5!

I’m now the mother of a 5 year-old. Holy Shit! Where did the time go?

Happy Birthday, baby girl!

bday11

bday33

 

*age 3, age 4.

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Total Recall: When it comes to transitioning your child from a crib to a big bed, there are 2 perfect words to describe the experience. Oh and f*ck!

Published June 14, 2012

We really dragged our feet when it came to the hummingbird getting her big girl bed. It wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be but it also wasn’t a great transition.

Giving the then 2 year-old little hummingbird free reign to her room was terrifying to me. We took out most of her toys and even found latches so she couldn’t get into her sliding door closet.

Other than that, we just hoped she would sleep. It was a good few weeks when she really got the hang of it and would actually stay in bed on some nights.

Here are a few parenting essentials you’ll need when you’re outside your child’s door while they scream mmmoooooooooommmmmmmmyyyyyyy.

I may or may not have used some or all of these things. Ahem.

Nyquil is the midnight snack for moms the world over. During this transition, pre-order a case. While you’re telling your child over and over and over again to get back in bed, make it a drinking game. Every time you say GET. BACK. IN. BED. RIGHT. NOW., take a shot. You’ll be passed out in no time and won’t care that your kid won’t stay in bed. Problem solved!

Baby jail, or a security gate so they can’t get out of their room and cause havoc all over while you and the hubby are sleeping soundly.

An iPod is a must. Instead of hearing your child scream bloody murder, you can hear Trent Reznor do the same to music.

Calling your mom. There will probably be a time during this (and every other stage of childhood) when you will call your mom and tell her you’re child is broken and you want a new one. Okay I never said that (or maybe I did) but I have said countless times “this can’t be normal, can it?”.

A big, Costco size bottle of Xanax for obvious reasons.

There you go, you’re all set. Now, get that Nyquil bottle into position!

How did your child respond to the transition of a big bed? Was there lots of drinking? 

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Breaking ballet.

The almost 5 year-old little hummingbird decided she was done with ballet a while ago but still went to a few more classes. Her heart just didn’t seem into it and she’s been asking to start gymnastics, which she’ll begin on Tuesday.

When I was younger, I promised myself that if my kids weren’t happy with any extracurricular activities, I wasn’t going to push them to stay.

I kept my word but OMG, I love her ballet class and watching her dance with all the other little hummingbirds and her ballet teacher is the best and I already miss the little bird dressing up in her leotard and ballet tutu and going out for ice cream afterwards and I’ve been picturing her first ballet recital since she was still in utero and OMG, THE CUTE.

Ahem.

I’ll be okay. Really.

Does anyone have a tissue?

*Caught A Lite Sneeze

balletcollage2

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This is why no good can come from cleaning anything.

What is said on television: Oxiclean, gets the tough stains out, like chocolate pudding.

What I hear: Mmmm… chocolate pudding. You haven’t had that in a while. We probably have a box around somewhere. That stuff lasts forever. You NEED chocolate pudding.

Go look.

Better yet, why don’t you make those brownies you saw on Pinterest. Go ahead and splurge. One brownie won’t kill you.

Sure, it’s past 10 pm and you should get to bed soon but you deserve it. If you start now, you can make them and eat the deliciousness, then be in bed by 11pm.

Ooooh, you also forgot to watch last weeks episode of Teen Mom 2. Eat a brownie or two and watch that. You’ll be in bed by 11:30 tops.

You know you also have some vanilla ice cream in the freezer. If you’re going to make those brownies, you might as well go all out.

And don’t forget the Hershey’s syrup.

Me to self: Fuck you, Oxiclean. Fuck you.

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Total Recall: If I Wanted To Be Verbally Attacked, I Wouldn’t Go To The Grocery Store. I Would Visit My MIL.

Published November, 9, 2010

It started off innocent enough. My husband, daughter, and I went to a commissary for groceries at a nearby base on Saturday. Before we went inside the store, my hubby was getting a pack of water and asked me what brand I wanted. We use reusable water bottles but still get bottled water at times.

He joked about getting a brand I don’t like (I know it’s just water but I can be picky) and I told him to get the other water. While this was going on, I noticed a woman standing behind us. There wasn’t room for her to pass since the entrance to the commissary was narrow. Then I realized she was waiting on my hubby so she could get some water.

When he got it in the cart, the woman walked up and told her teenage son to get a certain brand of water because the other one (the one we got) sucked since “they use less plastic and it’s crinkly sounding”. I felt like she was only saying that to be a bitch and was trying to start something with us. Then I shrugged it off and thought I was just jumping to conclusions. You would think I would have learned to trust my instincts by now.

Somehow she ended up getting in front of us. The commissary we go to checks for military ID and there was a woman on the left side and a man on the right checking as you’re walking into the store. My husband was pushing the cart and I was holding the little hummingbird.

There was an older man in front of us and the woman and he was slowly making his way onto a motorized scooter. So while we were standing there waiting, I told my hubby to wipe the cart down before we put our daughter in it. Out of nowhere this woman starts yelling at my hubby. “Stop pushing your cart into me!!! Can’t you watch where you’re going?!!! You keep running into me!!!” She kept going on and on. She said plenty of crazy gems but I’ve forgotten them since I waited to write this. Mommy brain.

The thing was, my hubby wasn’t even close to this crazy woman. If he had bumped into her, he would have said he was sorry but he was like 2 feet away from her. All we were doing was standing behind this mental case. My hubby and I don’t go walking around looking for fights and neither of us likes confrontation. I can be quite the talker once I get to know someone but I’m really shy and the hubs is super quiet.

The whole thing was so surreal and at first I thought I would just keep quiet and let my hubby take care of it. He kept on apologizing and said he never hit her and then she started bitching about how we seemed to “act like we owned the damn stack of water” when we were getting our pack. Holy fucking crap lady! That’s when I could no longer be quiet and I simply told her that my husband never hit her with the cart.

This must have been exactly what she wanted because then she really started freaking out on us. We were only a few feet into the grocery store and the ID checkers were just standing there. I was still holding my daughter so she was yelling at the both of us right in front of our 19 month old and in front of her teenage son. Fortunately the little girl wasn’t crying and was just staring at this crazy woman probably thinking “what the hell is your problem?”

People were looking and I just couldn’t even believe how psycho this woman was. I hear about these weird things that happen when it comes to dumb situations where the police are called and it had me worried that would be the case with this. This woman had long, over-bleached hair and while she was yelling and flipping out, it would sway back and forth. I would never do this but there were a few times when I had the urge to grab her hair and drop kick her.

Then a slew of four letter words were entering my mind and as much as I would have loved to lay some on her, I had the self-control she obviously lacked. That’s when 3 more words popped into my head. Words I have never used before despite my husband being in the military for 14 years. I thought it was fitting since here we were on a base at the commissary so as she started to walk away, still yelling at us, I told her God Bless America!

You can only imagine how much she loved me saying that. She turned back around to continue her yelling that had been going on for several minutes. Then she started walking off again and as she was going into the produce section, she called me a bitch. And I thought going to visit my MIL was going to be the most terrifying thing this month.

Surprisingly, I was able to get a picture of this crazy woman.

 

What’s one of the craziest situations you’ve experienced with a stranger?

*Rootless Tree

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Dead hookers

Me to hubby: Why are you wearing rubber gloves? Killing hookers in the garage again?

Hubby: Yeah, you caught me.

4 year-old: Daddy’s killing hookers?

Hubby to me: They were hookers. Now, they’re in plastic bags.

4 year-old: Why is he killing hookers?

I can only imagine trying to explain this at the hummingbird’s preschool on Monday. I still have no idea why the hubby was wearing rubber gloves.

The end.

*U + Ur Hand

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