Banging My Head Against A Spike Would Be More Fun.

The hubby will be known as buttmunch for this post.

Cue the Law and Order music.


The buttmunch and I were packing and trying to get everything together since we were going to a hotel that night. I had the little girl’s things packed and went to get my things together. I asked my buttmunch if he could go downstairs and get some toys for the little girl.


Around 8pm that night we were on the way to the hotel and the buttmunch went back to the house to pack some more. Soon after, I put the little girl to bed. I called the buttmunch a few times to remind him what to bring back to the hotel.


The next morning my buttmunch went back to the house since the movers were coming, so it was just me and my daughter. After breakfast I went over to a box that the buttmunch brought and looked through it for toys.


There weren’t any there so I looked through a few bags. Not there. I looked through her bag, my bag, the buttmunch’s bag. Nada. I was starting to panic but before I went into freak out mode, I looked through EVERYTHING again. Nope.


It was raining outside and there wasn’t anything for her to play with inside. The little girl just had a few books I had packed in her bag and normally she loves to “read” her books. She must have smelled the fear on me because when I would give her a book, she would throw it on the ground and give me a bitch, please look.

Then she started to run around the room and whine. It was her special whine. The kind that makes me feel like my head is going to explode any minute.


I then called the buttmunch. When he answered I politely and in a very calm tone, and not at all yelling *coughnotcough*, told him that we didn’t have any toys at the hotel room. He couldn’t bring the toys by (and I didn’t have the car) since he was waiting for the movers and told me that I “had the stroller, so there was that“.

May I remind you that it was raining.




I found a pack of tic tacs that she grabbed at the store the day before. She wouldn’t let them go and chewed off most of the wrapper so they were ours for keeps. Those only amused her for a few minutes.

While the little girl was racing around the room, I sat on the couch dazed from the lack of caffeine. I contemplated dragging the both of us to the hotel lobby so I could get my hands on some coffee and the little girl could run around in a bigger space.

To get to the lobby we had to go outside and walk what seemed like a mile in the pouring rain, so I decided it was best to just stay in the room.


While I was twitching around from my caffeine withdrawal and a whiny toddler, I found two plastic spoons. I thought “Yay, she loves spoons!” A few seconds after giving her one, she dropped it on the nasty hotel room carpet. The same carpet that turned her white socks black within a few hours.

So I threw it away and gave her the second spoon. Same thing. Finally, I just let her start throwing things out of our bags onto the nasty carpet. The carpet Dateline NBC says is covered in fecal matter, salmonella, and sperm. I guess there are a lot of chickens that stay at hotels and have booty sex.

While the little girl was going through the bags, she struck gold. She found a Ziploc bag full of tampons, the ones that come in bright colors. She was entranced with my bag o’ tampons. The little girl started roaming around the room with the bag, shaking it and holding it above her head.

This kept her occupied for about 10 minutes. While she was playing with her new toy, I was looking through the bags again, not for toys but for anything resembling caffeine. No such luck.


After she got bored with the bag, I spent the next seven hours repeatedly singing the Elmo Duck Song, Elmo’s Song, and letting her play with my cell phone (which surprisingly still works). I also got quite a workout staying in a room that wasn’t child-proofed. Finally after one of the longest. days. ever, the buttmunch came back to the room.


Hmmm, what’s that sound? Is it me saying no sex for a week? Well, that’s nothing new.

*We’re still not in California. It has taken us forever to drive across the country and as of this morning we are in New Mexico, about an hour from Arizona. I finally got my hands on a new laptop (thanks to my sweet hubby, the buttmunch).

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6 Responses to Banging My Head Against A Spike Would Be More Fun.

  1. Jill (Mormon Surrogate) July 22, 2010 at 10:09 #

    My son used to play with my tampons when he was little..

    My little ones would drive me crazy in a hotel room even if they had toys and they wouldn’t ever go to sleep!

    So next time, you need to either pack the toys yourself.. or pack extra caffeine, right? 🙂

    Good luck on the move, I hope I never have to move again. I moved 10 times in a 7 year period when hubby was in the Navy and that included staying in one house for 3 1/2 years and another for 2. Go figure.

    • Elle July 22, 2010 at 23:45 #

      I told the hubby I’m never moving cross country again. He has one more post after this and I really hope we stay on the west coast. 😀

      • Jill (Mormon Surrogate) July 25, 2010 at 14:15 #

        Good luck staying west coast. We chose east coast for hubby’s first duty station and then we went west coast. It was so much nicer to be a 12 hour drive from “home”.

  2. waj306 July 25, 2010 at 17:30 #

    This post is great!!! Buttmunch and bitch, please. LOL.
    Glad you made it through! Better make it 2 weeks for effect 😉

  3. Elle July 25, 2010 at 22:41 #

    LOL, 2 weeks would get the point across. 🙂


  1. Guest Blogger: Mandi from My Life The Mom. Does Santa equal lying? | This Is Mommyhood - December 20, 2010

    […] was there to help keep me sane when my family and I moved from the east coast to the west coast during the summer and were stuck in a hotel while trying to […]

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