A Lack Of Boundaries With A Side Of Ranch Dressing.

*I went back and forth about whether or not I should post this. Then I asked myself would I mind if my in-laws read this and the answer was hell no! Yes, it would be awkward but this is something I would say to them if I wasn’t so chicken shit. Also this is probably the longest post ever.

My mother in law drives me crazy. I know, how original right? She undermines everything I say and do and it’s gotten even worse since I had my little girl. My in-laws are very strange and not in a good way. They live in this bubble way up in the sky, so far removed from the real world.

I’m somewhat of a pessimist so maybe I’m being, well, too pessimistic but they are overly optimistic with a side of delusion. If someone stabbed you, set you on fire, and then you had a dog come along and piss on you while you were being burned alive, my in-laws would find a bright side to it. Okay laugh, it is funny, but I’m not even kidding. They are cuckoo.

Another thing is they don’t understand the concept of personal space. at. all. Whenever they visit, they’re always breathing down our necks. They even follow us from room to room. Whenever I give my daughter a bath while they visit, my MIL will stand DIRECTLY behind me without saying a word. Then when I take the little girl out of the tub and into her room to dry her off and get her clothes on, the MIL will still stand right behind me. No talking, no interaction, she’s like a fucking jail warden.

My father is law loves to hear himself talk. But it’s always about things that you can’t really follow or you can’t add anything to the conversation. One of my all time favorites was when I was 8 months pregnant, very uncomfortable, and hormonal. We were having dinner and he started talking about satellite imaging, for close to an hour and a half. Yeah, I know.

He went on and on talking about whether it was better to take the images at 45,000 feet or 60,000 feet and blah blah blah. Um, what the hell do you say to that and how in the hell can that drag on for close to 90 minutes?! He talks about things like this all the time. Occasionally the hubby will chime in about something although I don’t know what because I always space out and fall into a semi-coma when the FIL talks.

My hubby’s parents treat him in a way that I can only describe as the way you treat a 2-year-old when they’re potty training. It’s one thing to be proud of your child’s accomplishments, whether they’re young or old, but they lay it on so thick that it’s embarrassing. It’s appropriate for a child but not for a grown man with a family of his own.

Not too long ago when they were visiting us, my hubby was making everyone oatmeal in the microwave.

MIL: Wow you’re microwaving oatmeal, what a clever idea. I never would have thought of that.

Hubby:….

MIL: That is such a genius idea. Only you would think of doing something so great. How did you ever think of such a thing?

Hubby: Well, the instructions are on the back of the container.

MIL: Oh that’s brilliant. You actually thought to look on the back of the container. You’re so smart.

Okay she didn’t say that last line but that was the jest of the conversation. She now acts like my hubby is the inventor of instant oatmeal. I guess she misses that BIG section of it when she goes to the store. Ugh!

A little background on them. The FIL has a Master’s degree and works in the field of science. He makes a good income, has a nice house, but somehow was extremely sheltered for all of his life. The MIL was also very sheltered, grew up in the same small town as the FIL (they no longer live there and haven’t for about 40 years), has an Associate degree in interior decorating, volunteers at their church, and spends most of her time taking care of her turtles…..we’ve lost count but it’s close to 100. Yeah, uh huh, I know. But that’s a post for another time.

My in-laws know my hubby in a way that isn’t the real him if that makes sense. He was basically agreeable with them while he was growing up even though he doesn’t relate to or agree with a lot of their beliefs. I could go on and on about them, I’m sure I will have more to tell in future posts, but there’s something that happened recently that just has me so….hmmm, pissed off and disgusted.

While we were moving from the east coast to California we made a stop to see my sister, her kids, and my stepdad (my mom divorced him about 8 years ago but he’s still my “real” dad. I have a very complicated family tree). The hubby’s parents live about 6 hours away but decided they’ll drive up since it’s only been about 2 months since we’ve seen them. heh

I was pissed. I hadn’t seen my dad in 2 years and the last time I saw my sister was 3 years ago. My niece, R, is 4 and the last time I saw her was when she was about 9 months old. My nephew, A, is 2 and this was the first time I was meeting him. Also I couldn’t wait to have my daughter meet them for the first time. Maybe it’s selfish but I wanted this time with just my family. They don’t really have the time to fly out and visit whenever they want like my in-laws do.

Finding out the in-laws were staying at the same hotel as us was bad enough. When we finally arrived the hubby asked the desk clerk if they had checked in, they had. So we’re walking to our room and I mentioned to my hubby that I hoped they were on the other side of the hotel. A few minutes after we got into our room there was a knock. It was them and guess what? Not only did they get the room right next to us, it was an adjoining room.Yes, really.

This is what I mean by no boundaries and a total lack of personal space. They don’t have any whatsoever. I couldn’t imagine doing that without asking first. I don’t know, maybe that’s just me. When we left to go meet my family at the restaurant, my FIL had to stand outside the hotel room door first and talk about the grain of the wood on the door and how it was cut. Yes, really.

So we went out to dinner with my family and the in-laws and everything about the evening was overly polite and sterile which is how the two of them always are. They always make this polite chit-chat even to their own son. That or they only talk about facts, nothing about opinions or feelings. The best way to describe it is my hubs family is like Leave it to Beaver and mine are like The Simpsons.

Fast forward to the next day. We invited my sister and her kids to hang out with us at the hotel pool. My hubby even got our little girl in the pool for the first time. It took her some time to warmup to it but she ended up loving it. Then the hubby took the little girl back up to the room so he could give her a bath. Of course his dad was right on his ass, no personal space. So it was me, my MIL, my sister, and her two kids still at the pool.

The MIL basically stayed to herself which I found weird since she’s always controlling everything. The best part, when my nephew, A, was standing outside the pool by the ladder. He just stood there and my sis asked him what he was doing.  His reply, “I’m peeing!” We cracked up! At least he didn’t pee in the pool. hehe. The MIL was not amused. I thought the stick she had up her ass would go so far up it would choke her.

Not long after, we decided to go out for lunch so we could FINALLY have some time together without two certain people. Beep Beep, no boundary alert. The in-laws came along. My bitchy side came out and my sister and I decided on a Mexican restaurant since the in-laws think that’s just way too exotic.

I need to mention that my 4-year-old niece is in speech therapy. She talks really fast (I think she inherited that from me) and has some problems with certain letters. What’s so weird is my sister had the same problem when she was younger. When someone would ask her how she was she’d say “I’m pine”.

I had told my MIL about R being in speech therapy several times. It would come up for one reason or another. Whether my MIL remembered the countless times I told her about this doesn’t matter. Her behavior towards R was inexcusable.

R had fries with her lunch and noticed my MIL’s ranch dressing that she wasn’t eating that was in a container on the side (she’s on this weird diet and basically can’t eat anything, which probably makes her even more of a bitch). My niece asked if she could have the dressing for her fries.

MIL: What do you say?

I’m kind of thinking that’s a little weird. She has only spent a few hours with R and I didn’t feel it was her place. Also it wasn’t like my niece was saying “Hey ya dumb bitch, give me your dressing”.

R: Pweese.

MIL: Please what?

R: looking confused.

MIL: Repeat after me. Please. may. I….

R: Pweese may I…

MIL: Have. your. ranch. dressing.

R: Tries her hardest but it wasn’t good enough for my MIL. My MIL tells my niece she has to repeat it in a much clearer tone. My sister and I were looking at each other stunned.

R: Says it again as best as she can.

MIL: I guess that’s good enough for now.

What the fuck lady! I knew when this whole thing started, it was all kinds of wrong. But I’m also pretty sensitive and I’m afraid I’ll be overreacting it I do say something. Then I worry that people will be saying “what the hell is up with you?”

And then the MIL saying that’s good enough for now? Are you fucking kidding me? What asshole would say that to a 4-year-old? Well, obviously my MIL. My niece took a salt shaker to salt her fries and that’s when my MIL had to school her in the proper way to salt her food.

First she was trying to get R’s attention. My niece was sitting between me and my sister and we were bonding over queso dip and tortilla chips. I love that little girl! Well R didn’t hear my MIL so she started saying her name. R, hey R, tsk tsk, R, snap snap, hey R. Yes, she was speaking to my niece like a dog. I was speechless.

When she got her attention, she told my niece “This is the proper way to salt your food. First you pick up the shaker, then you put a little in you hand. After that you lightly sprinkle it on your food, to taste.” This woman is just…agh! I can’t even think of a word that would best describe her other than she’s like the Kate Gosselin of the family if you catch my drift.

Later on that night we went over to my sister’s house, without my in laws…yay!, and were finally able to spend some quality time with her family. My sister and I talked about the whole thing and she was pissed but also said she’s just going to let it slide. She does finally see what I’ve been dealing with for years with the MIL and can’t believe just how much of a bitch she really is.

I on the other hand have been pretty upset about the whole thing. R is such a sweet little girl, with so much love to give, and she just ADORED her niece and kept on giving all of us hugs. What bothers me even more is the last time my MIL came to visit, I saw her treating my little girl in some of the same ways as she treated my niece.

My niece will hopefully never have to experience my MIL again. My daughter on the other hand is going to have to deal with this treatment from my MIL for years to come and that crushes me. When it happens, and I know it will, I’m going to speak up. I don’t care if it rocks the boat, I’m not having my daughter in therapy 15 years from now because of how her grandmother treats her. If she’s going to be in therapy, it will be because my hubby and I didn’t allow her to go to some party or we won’t let her date until she’s 18. 😉

There is no way in hell I will allow her to humiliate and pick on my daughter. The cherry on top of this (not); we’re not even moved into our new house yet and the in-laws are already bugging my hubby about coming out to visit soon. Uh yeah, maybe next year.

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22 Responses to A Lack Of Boundaries With A Side Of Ranch Dressing.

  1. lisa August 12, 2010 at 13:30 #

    I,too, have a wickedly evil MIL and feel your pain! My MIL is soooo controlling and lives-gasp-2 miles away from us!!!! It’s been a very long 11 years living this close- and the multitude of issues that it’s caused my marriage. We just spent 3 months in counseling and much of it was about them! Good luck and don’t worry- you’re not the Bitch…:)

    • Elle August 12, 2010 at 16:17 #

      2 miles from you?! I couldn’t imagine. I’ll have an extra glass of wine for you tonight. 😉 What I don’t get about my MIL is she can’t stand her MIL and complains about her but then she turns around and does the same bitchy things to me.

      My sister’s MIL lives very close to her and she drops by unannounced almost every morning whether my sister’s hubby is there or not. It drives her insane. Her hubby doesn’t have the nerve to tell her to stop so that has caused a lot of issues.

      • lisa August 13, 2010 at 05:25 #

        yeah, that happened for the first 5 years of my childrens lives- she’d walk in unannounced AND without knocking at all times of the day!! my husband didn’t speak up for many, many years…until he finally opened his eyes and saw how controlling she was. He was in denial for quite some time.

        ohhh…the stories I could tell! I’ve often thought of compiling them and writing a novel under a pseudoname!!
        Thanks for having that extra glass of wine! 🙂

  2. mrslala August 12, 2010 at 22:36 #

    Wow! Your MIL sounds like something out of a TV sitcom! Holy cripes woman, I admire you for being able to put up with that!

    • Elle August 12, 2010 at 23:30 #

      Yep, she’s something else all right. 😉

  3. waj306 August 13, 2010 at 03:35 #

    Oh wow, I don’t think I could handle that! She sounds like she really… something. And good enough for now?????

    • Elle August 13, 2010 at 14:11 #

      I use words for her that I don’t normally use, the kind that I’m sometimes offended by. 😉

  4. Jill (Mormon Surrogate) August 13, 2010 at 15:17 #

    I hate it when people step over boundaries… etc. I can’t believe she was talking to your niece like that and so soon after she had met her.

    In laws are so fun. My MIL is controlling and has major issues. She holds a grudge like nothing else and it’s usually over something SHE did.. but she twists it around like we did something to her. She is currently giving us her “special treatment”. She is basically cold/distant with us.. or ignores us altogheter. Then if we’re at a mutual place she is extra nice to everyone but us. FUN! She called and bitched to my husband about his plans for his birthday rather than to tell him Happy Birthday! We usually let it blow over, give her some time and then move on. This time we’ve freakin’ had enough and are waiting for her to apologize and/or rekindle our relationship. She will never change and she has yet to ever apologize, so I guess my dh no longer has a Mom. What’s sad is the kids used to sleepover all the time, now they’re missing out on a relationship with her becuase she’s too stubborn and proud. UGH!

    • Elle August 13, 2010 at 15:40 #

      I’m so sorry, that’s awful. As much as I can’t stand my MIL, I want my daughter to have a relationship with her but I hate that I’ll have to closely monitor it.

      We need to start a MIL therapy group. 😉 Maybe I should add a page to my blog where women or men can just go and vent about their MIL’s or anything else for that matter. hmmmmmm….

      • Jill (Mormon Surrogate) August 13, 2010 at 16:13 #

        I feel the same. But in order for my kids to have a relationship with her, we have to take them over there and pick them up. In the meantime she’s snippy with us.. So we’re taking a break.

  5. Jill (Mormon Surrogate) August 14, 2010 at 11:27 #

    Sorry, forgot to add: A MIL Vent page would be awesome!

    • Elle August 14, 2010 at 13:16 #

      I added a Feelings Inc. page up on top. It was called Feeling Ranty? at first but then I thought it would be nice for people to just let it all out whether they’re MIL’s drive them crazy and the hubby won’t do anything or something great happened and they wanted to share in that. I hope people use it. 😉

      And it’s anonymous if you want it to be. At least I hope it can work that way. Plus I won’t tell. 😀

  6. Annie August 17, 2010 at 07:05 #

    I am appalled at your MIL treatment of your niece. what an awful woman to treat a child that way. I bet that’s how she was treated as a child and knows no other way to act. how sad for her.

    OMG my MILs makes me crazy too. YES I have TWO of them! (my DH has a step mother) The “real” MIL calls us when she’s drunk and leaves drunk comments on our FB pages pics of our daughter. The STEP MIL can’t be trusted alone with our 16 month old, as she forgets to feed her or change her diaper. My 9 yr old can’t stand her as she talks to him like he’s a 2 yr old. They give the kids the weirdest gifts for xmas, like 99 cent toothbrushes and boxes of generic tissues (not even soft ones). AND they have $$ so it’s even weirder. and annoying. MY FIL likes to critique my jewelry making and my gardening skills. He also likes to point out that my DH likes a clean house. UM I HAVE 4 KIDS DUDE! My house isn’t even that messy, and can go from spotless to crazy in 6 seconds flat. UGGGGH!
    I feel your pain girl, trust me!

    • Elle August 17, 2010 at 12:35 #

      I couldn’t even imagine the drunk comments on facebook. ugh! I can’t stand people who talk down to kids. They’re children, not idiots. My MIL came out a few months ago and didn’t even seem to know how to take care of my little girl.

      She gave her stretchy bands to play with even after I told her not to, let her jump up and down in her high chair w/o being strapped in even though I told her not to, and washed her bottles and sippy cups with dirty dishwater from the sink, no soap. And that’s not even half of it. I was recovering from surgery but instead I had to watch my MIL watch my little girl. It was so unreal. My 16 month old has more common sense and maturity than my MIL.

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