So Much For Being A Stepford Wife. I’m As Undomestic As They Come.

When I was younger I thought when I got married and had kids I would be Martha Stewart before I knew Martha existed. I thought I would always have dinner ready when my husband got home from work. I thought I would be a cleaning goddess and everything would sparkle like a Mr. Clean commercial.

I thought I would be crafty and teach myself to knit, learn how to use a sewing machine and make my future kids costumes for Halloween and school plays. I thought I would be a perfect hostess to friends while making an effortless meal without breaking a sweat.

I thought I would be perfectly dressed, not a hair out-of-place, make-up always flawless. I thought every word that would come out of my mouth would be kind and encouraging to my husband. I thought my MIL and I would be best friends (okay that might be pushing it). Oh, the beauty of only being 10 years old when I thought these things. 😉

I guess I thought I would be some pod person, some stepford wife. Then I got married over 15 years ago and reality set in. If your trying to do the math, I’m 24 years old… my dreams. Try as I might, and I do try, I couldn’t cook if my life depended on it. I found out very quickly that I hate cooking. The microwave and I have developed a very special bond over the years.

I like things to be clean yet I’m not a cleaning goddess by any means. I tried to teach myself to knit years ago. That lasted, um, maybe a week. I still have an interest in learning to sew but right now I don’t even know where I’d find the time with a toddler.

After several years of marriage we’ve only had friends over TWICE for dinner. The first time my hubby did the cooking. He also accidentally set plastic wrap on a burner that was on….I can still smell it. The second time, I did the cooking and made a Mexican feast.

To put it bluntly, it sucked balls. The dinner I made was fine but most of the time that our friends were over, I was stuck in the kitchen all sweaty and cursing like a sailor. It was definitely not the nice, relaxing evening with friends that I had hoped it would be.

I spend most of my days, not in perfect outfits, but in yoga pants and a t-shirt. Sometimes it’s a shirt and my pajama boxers. Those are the days when even yoga pants are a little too fancy schmancy for me. When it comes to wearing make-up, Ha! I’ve only worn it once in the past couple of months.

I do take some time to do my hair or I just feel blah all day. I have naturally wavy hair and if I just blow-dry it I look like Bozo the Clown so I have to straighten it too. Even by putting in my best efforts, I usually have a bad hair day most days.

There are times when my husband annoys me to the core of my being and I say things to him that I regret as soon as they come out of my mouth. We don’t fight very often but when I try to discuss something with him, it’s like talking to a brick wall.

I always tell him I’m sorry but that’s not good enough for me. I need to work on keeping the snarky remarks to myself. Better yet I should just put them on twitter. 😉 When we do argue (meaning me arguing and the hubby just standing there with a blank look on his face) it’s about pretty typical things when it comes to a couple who’s been married for over 15 years.

The longer that we’re together, the better our relationship becomes so I think that’s a very good sign. We’re both improving. A lot of the relationships I saw when I was younger consisted of yelling matches and marriage getting worse year after year. I actually used to think that’s the way relationships were supposed to be.

When it comes to my MIL, I’ve pretty much given up. I know that the relationship she had with her mother-in-law was really bad. My husband has told me how things were usually very cold between them. What’s ironic is I feel my MIL is basically treating me how her MIL treated her and she doesn’t even seem to realize it.

She actually commented before about how she doesn’t understand MIL drama and that she’s so easy to get along with. I just nodded and on the inside I was laughing my ass off. I still am.

When my husband’s grandmother was alive, I would hear how she made my MIL feel bad. Then my MIL would tell me how frustrating it was. Um, hello? She questions everything I do and puts me down. It’s more like she body slams my feelings. So for now things are civil but I do wish she could treat me with just a little decency.

I’m a less than perfect cook who loves yoga pants sans doing the actual yoga, who’s never going to like cleaning and can’t sew, who sometimes lashes out at my husband and whose relationship with my MIL is lacking.

I still have issues with not being the perfect phucking stepford wife but it’s something I’m becoming okay with. What’s made me realize I need to accept who I really am is my daughter. She doesn’t care about all of those other things. She just wants love and cuddles. And whatever I have on my plate therefore leaving me hungry most of the time.

What’s something you thought you would do differently?

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6 Responses to So Much For Being A Stepford Wife. I’m As Undomestic As They Come.

  1. Alexandra November 12, 2010 at 14:05 #

    I really like this post. It’s so true for many of us…we try to keep up with what we see.

    The ones out there with the beautiful, orderly houses, the ones who can work out regularly, the ones with the 7 course meals, and the ones who always manage to get their haircut on time.

    This post is about the other ones, the ones like me…thank you so much, it gets lonely on this side…

  2. Jess November 12, 2010 at 14:20 #

    Eh… being domesticated is overrated.
    And mine is kind of the opposite: I {never} thought I’d be a typical domesticated woman. Stay at home mom? No way! Or so I thought…
    I turned out the complete opposite. Stay-at-home-mama to be… cleaning extraordinaire… oh boy. I always have dinner ready for my husband, etc. Maybe that will change once the babe is here?

  3. helena November 12, 2010 at 15:22 #

    you still sound pretty damn awesome. and a lot less scary and intimidating than perfection would be.

  4. lisa November 12, 2010 at 19:52 #

    oh how true ALL these words really are!! I echo all that you said, sista!

    My lovely world is so far from “lovely” on many a days…
    I think back to that girl I once was, with my visions of marriage and “real adulthood”- HA! I always think to myself that I really need to write a book for young women to warn them of these things…I really don’t think this message is getting across to young gals.

    Love is grand, and marriage is definitely good- BUT it’s hard work…especially if you have kids…that completely changes the game.

    Great post, as always Elle! 🙂 Sorry haven’t been around this last week…been avoiding the computer and taking a lil’ break.

  5. themomsmith November 12, 2010 at 20:42 #

    I agree with Jess – being domestic is highly overrated.

    I didn’t really dream of getting married or having kids but I always dreamt that I would have a maid and a cook. Or at the very least, a personal assistant.

    Alas, I do not.

    I do have the kid but if I even ask for one little thing to be done she starts getting all Norma Rae on me. Makes signs. Holds a sit-in. A girl after my own heart, she is.

    I’m still waiting on that maid.

    • Elle November 12, 2010 at 21:01 #

      Having a personal assistant or a maid would be awesome. Then I could go all Naomi Campbell on their ass when they can’t find a specific pair of jeans, in my case it would be yoga pants from Old Navy, and I can throw my cellphone at them. Thankfully my daughter can’t spell yet so she can’t make any signs but she can throw quite a tantrum. 😉

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