Thanksgiving Is Gonna Rock Me Like A Hurricane. A Hurricane That Is Insulting And Has No Tact. But A Hurricane Nonetheless. Part 1

*This will be a two parter since try as I might, I just can’t cut down on my rambling. I will have part 2 up tomorrow. This totally isn’t a way to get you to come back and read my blog……ahem. ūüėČ It¬†*might*also have to do with the fact that there’s a Stephen King book calling my name.

I was expecting to write more about my MIL on my blog but after a post I did back in August, I decided to keep quiet. While I was on twitter,¬†someone was saying how awful it was when people say mean things about their in-laws and that they’re parents like the rest of us. This wasn’t directed at me but it had me thinking maybe I’m being too harsh. I’ve over it now so beware.

We will be visiting my in-laws for four days starting this Friday. At first I thought “hell, no!”¬†and as I’m writing this, I’m breaking out into fits of nervous laughter and expecting to see padded walls and men in white coats pretty soon. I guess that would be a good thing because then I wouldn’t have to see the in-laws.

Think of this post as a tutorial on why my twitter updates will read “Help!” and any posts I might possibly have during my stay with them won’t make any sense whatsoever, not that my writing ever does.

*sidenote. After seeing the in-laws, we’re going to see my family for the rest of the week. This is a very good thing but my younger sister can be unpredictable and likes to push my buttons. ¬†*sigh*

Since I love to ramble, just ask The Momsmith, I decided to tell you¬†just a¬†few of the “highlights” I’ve had with my in-laws over the years. Otherwise this might turn into a novella. The thing about my MIL is that she can be downright mean but what she does can also be pretty damn funny in an omg she’s mental way.

I’m going to keep the mean things out of it because my mom reads my blog and if she reads the really mean things,¬†she might drive down on Thanksgiving¬†to where my MIL lives and beat her ass and then I would have to stop her and a car chase would ensue. That would be¬†awesome but I really want green bean casserole.

Words. My FIL has a master’s in mathematics and my MIL has an associate degree but they ALWAYS mess up words. Personally I don’t think your smarts depend on a college degree, just look at Good Will Hunting and Tess from Working Girl, and I’ve learned that being book smart can also lead to a total lack of common sense. This of course is just what I’ve seen from the in-laws and brother-in-law, who I will get to later.

My hubby was wearing a Tour De Athens shirt (we lived in Athens, GA years ago when the hubs was going to Officer Candidate School) and my FIL couldn’t pronounce it. He didn’t even know what Tour De France was. To give him some credit I don’t pay attention to it but I know it exists. Really though, when it comes to Tour De France all I can think about is sweaty, smelly balls and who wants that.

So my in-laws were out for a visit and the hubby had on his shirt. We went out for breakfast and my FIL was trying to read the hubs shirt. After sounding it out, he kept on calling it Turd-y Athens. I didn’t correct him but said it the right way in conversation. Didn’t matter. He kept on saying Turd-y Athens and continued to talk about it all through breakfast. I think I got orange juice up my nose from trying to stifle my laughter so many times.

My mom and I think their lack of saying words properly is hilarious and have talked about it many times. It always reminds us of the bundt cake scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Bun Bun Bun Bund-tttt.

Turtles. My MIL has over 100 turtles. Yes, really. She has these wooden pens in the backyard where she keeps most of them but also has them in her house. Animal hoarder much? She names each one and writes their stats in some turtle book along with a picture. She actually takes really good care of them but they take up ALL of her time.

When my hubby and I first started dating, he told me about his parents oddities. One thing I found really phucking sad was that his mother takes better care and gives more love to her damn turtles than her own kids. My hubs told me that when he was younger, my MIL would buy meat and would give the top-notch stuff to her turtles and would use the gnarly, cheap meat for her family.

My MIL has had this signature on her email forever: “Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened.” I absolutely love animals but my daughter trumps my cat, no question. Just a few weeks ago my hubby emailed his mom and pointed it out saying something along the lines of¬† “Shouldn’t it be until one has a child or becomes a parent”. The MIL responded by saying “you are so right”. But really I think this says so much about her and just makes me feel sad for my husband.

Delusional.¬† Not only do my in-laws see things through rose-colored¬†glasses, they see the world through rose-colored glasses dipped in LSD with a¬†sunshine suppository up their arse.¬†¬†Case in point. They came to visit us two Thanksgiving’s ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. Oh the stories I could tell with that visit alone.

It was the day after Thanksgiving and my MIL insisted we go to a baby store to check out furniture. The hubby and I already knew what we wanted but there was no avoiding going to this place. At the time, we were living in the D.C. area and lived across the street from a mall.

While waiting at a stoplight on the way to this baby store, we were seeing shoppers coming out of the mall. Then my FIL spotted a woman pushing a shopping cart. I’m paraphrasing here but he said “Look at that woman. She bought so much that she couldn’t carry it all and had to get a cart”.

My hubs was like “Uh, she’s a homeless woman”. The FIL got all¬†worked up¬†and insisted that this woman just bought too many things and was not homeless. Um yeah, so as you can see, they live in la la land. I don’t think it’s bad to see the good side of things but it’s so frustrating because they just don’t live in the real world.

I’m taking this from a post I wrote about them in August and I think it really sums up their delusion. “If someone stabbed you, set you on fire, and then you had a dog come along and piss on you while you were being burned alive, my in-laws would find a bright side to it”.

Stay tuned…..

Do you have any in-law issues? If so, I’d love to hear it. ūüôā

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16 Responses to Thanksgiving Is Gonna Rock Me Like A Hurricane. A Hurricane That Is Insulting And Has No Tact. But A Hurricane Nonetheless. Part 1

  1. Quart November 15, 2010 at 19:11 #

    I won’t ever complain about my inlaws again! Holy cow. Good luck’

    • Elle November 16, 2010 at 09:37 #

      I would gladly trade in-laws with anyone. ūüėČ

  2. Jessy March 3, 2011 at 01:26 #

    I just found your blog and saw this link. I’m sorry, there is nothing in this that is awful. What sounds mean is making fun of someone’s pronunciation, judging them for being booksmart, having quirky hobbies, or loving animals more than you think they should, and complaining about a failure to attend to boundaries that are never articulated. Frankly, just sound a little Aspberger’s-y.

    My grandfather was much like your FIL (except with actual harmful, mean, and destructive features) – loved to hear himself talk. My mother just always made sure she had a new book about one of his pet topics around, knowing he would be so involved with it and not so engaged with other people.

    • jaynecrammond March 3, 2011 at 11:56 #

      I don’t even know where to start with this comment. Firstly, at no point did she ‘make fun of them for being booksmart’, she said that, in spite of their intelligence, or ‘booksmarts’, they still are unable to pronouce words properly.

      Secondly, she also didn’t judge them for ‘loving animals more than they should’, she said she felt sorry for her Husband, who’d played second fiddle to a houseful of animals, even when it came to basic nutrition. I think the majority of the worlds’ population would agree that, no matter how much you love your animals, your kids should ALWAYS come first.

      Lastly, aside from the fact that you’ve mis-spelt it, do you know how OFFENSIVE it is to call someone ‘a bit Asbergers-y’ [sic]? Asperger syndrome is a serious condition on the autistic spectrum, and causes significant difficulty with social interaction and personal behaviour. A person can’t be ‘a bit asbergers-y’ [sic], and that fact that you would throw around insults like that shows a total lack of understanding of the condition, as well as removing any respect that anyone reading may have for you (although where they’d find that, I don’t know).

      Why don’t you keep your opinions to yourself, and stop coming on to someones PERSONAL blog to insult and demean them?

      • Jessy March 4, 2011 at 00:54 #

        Although you “quote” me as saying I said she ” ‚Äėma[d]e fun of them for being booksmart‚Äô” that’s not actually what I wrote. I wrote she was “making fun of [their] pronunciation” (which she was: “My mom and I think their lack of saying words properly is hilarious and have talked about it many times.”) and “judging them for being booksmart.” Which … she was.

        I’m a Ph.D. psychologist and fully aware of what Asperger’s is, even if I misspelled it (I’ll limit my critique of your post to your ability to quote properly rather than pointing out your typos and grammar mistakes). Among other things, it involves a serious deficit of “theory of mind” or the ability to take someone else’s perspective, and an especially keen interest in things rather than people. Which, to me, sounds exactly like how the in-laws are described. These are, as you said, on a spectrum or a continuum. Even non-diagnosable people can vary in the extent to which they show these characteristics. (Just like people can be more or less anxious without having a diagnosable anxiety disorder.) I don’t think these are BAD traits per se, and certainly don’t think implying someone has them is offensive, either to them, or to someone with the disorder. In fact, I think acknowledging that we all have a little (or a lot) of these qualities is destigmatizing rather than offensive.

        Having said that, you’re right that my choice of words wasn’t the most sensitive, and would have been better written: “It sounds like your in-laws aren’t especially good at taking other people’s perspectives, and have more interest in things and objects (and animals) rather than people. In these extreme, these are the kinds of preferences and behaviors that characterize Aspberger’s disorder and autism.”

        And I’m sympathetic to how people like this can be annoying – I am just sensitive to what I perceive of us unneeded mockery and meanness to them. (I even offered the suggestion that worked well for my mother in dealing with a similar father-in-law.)

    • Elle March 4, 2011 at 01:40 #

      You have every right to your opinion which is why I approved your comment but I also have a right to mine. I was trying to make light of a situation, that’s all. I’ve know my in-laws for 16 years so it’s safe to say I know a lot more about how they really are than you do.

      Since there’s way too much to get into and I don’t even want to because this is such a petty thing, I’ll tell you that I don’t have a problem with someone loving animals. What I have a problem with is my mother-in-law being negligent when it came to her two children because the animals she loves matter more to her. That’s a fact and it’s the way my husband feels which I find very sad.

      I also lost all respect for my mother-in-law when after being around my 4 year old niece for a short time and full well knowing that my niece has a speech problem, she humiliated and made fun of her speech problems.

      So I complain about my in-laws, that’s my right because this is my blog. Thanks for stopping by!

    • Elle March 4, 2011 at 02:03 #

      One more thing. Try and see if you can go out to a restaraunt with your mother-in-law and have her say Prick over and over in a conversation while people are listening in. My MIL had no idea what the word meant and I still don’t know how she was using the word. Then try not to laugh about it later on.

      That’s what I mean about how they’re booksmart but seem to lack common sense in the real world. I don’t think everyone who’s booksmart lacks common sense. I said “I‚Äôve learned that being booksmart can also lead to a total lack of common sense. This of course is just what I‚Äôve seen from the in-laws….”

      It’s also interesting that you say you have a Ph.D. in psychology. When I saw a psychologist a few years ago because of my in-law problems, she told me that the dynamic of my husband’s family life while growing up borders on abuse.

  3. Mcai7td3 March 3, 2011 at 05:48 #

    I love the delusional bit! Made me giggle so much I woke the baby, oops! Would you like my in laws too?

  4. Mammywoo March 3, 2011 at 11:43 #

    I dont think you were being mean, And I don’t think you were ‘making fun’ of them.

    You wrote an honest post, letting off steam. You clearly accept your inlaws for who they are and your love of your husband is why you find it strange and sad about the animals. I would be the same.

    And actually I find the preference of feeding turtles better food than your son pretty damn awful.

    It ain’t a competition. We all have em and we all have to put up with them!

    Great post. As usual x

  5. TheBoyandMe March 3, 2011 at 16:21 #

    I have horrendous in-laws and let off steam on twitter over Christmas about it. Some kind soul decided to have a mahoosive go at me about my opinions and whether I should be making them or not. If you don’t like what you read then quite frankly bugger off and read something else! This is your personal blog and you know the people that you are writing about, whereas the first commenter doesn’t have a clue about their antics. I know how upset you must feel that someone has attacked your blog and your feelings/opinions but ignore them, she is merely anonymous pixels on a screen & her opinion isn’t worth worrying about.

    • Jessy March 4, 2011 at 00:56 #

      Of course. Don’t entertain an opinion that suggests you are wrong!

  6. TheBoyandMe March 4, 2011 at 01:42 #

    You don’t know any of the people involved and therefore can’t make a judgement as to whether she is wrong or not. Neither do I, which is why I didn’t. I offered her advice because I know that she found your comment upsetting. You may think it’s ok to find someone’s blog & leave an unsupportive comment on there without knowing background information, I do not. She doesn’t know you and therefore I was explaining that your opinion doesn’t matter. You are entitled to think she’s wrong but you must also admit that really, your opinion counts for nothing because she doesn’t know you from Adam!

  7. Mammywoo March 4, 2011 at 01:55 #

    PHD my arse.
    Copied and pasted from wiki pedia more like! It’s word for word!!
    Elle. Ignore this troll.

  8. HonieMummy (honiebuk) March 4, 2011 at 02:27 #

    What’s wrong – is that a psychologist would troll Twitter or the net for something to comment about. What is right is that it is your blog, your opinion and you can write what you want.
    What’s seriously wrong is that she thinks she’s qualified to make an assessment from a blog. Furthermore, the comment box gives room for opinion (which you graciously allowed) – IT DOES NOT GIVE INVITATION to professional opinion and to comment in this way is both unethical and rude. What a great advert for a psychologist to promote her non-ethical blunders (save button initiated).
    And …. it amuses me that she has to comment on it being her Mother’s opinion also …… errr so it’s an organ grinder and the monkey business, is it?

    Elle – it’s right you put your kids before the inlaws bloody pets, lol (that’s a no-brainer)
    Jessy – go and spam someone elses blog with your bloody ph.D – you have no right to pursue an uninvited response and claim it to be a professional one. What a suprise you didn’t quote ref. to a link to your own material. What school of ethics did you train under? No don’t bother answering that – it’s clear you have none!

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