Thanksgiving Is Gonna Rock Me Like A Hurricane. A Hurricane That Is Insulting And Has No Tact. But A Hurricane Nonetheless. Part 2

Today I’m also a guest blogger at MammyWoo. It’s a post I did on Friday and Lexy was gracious enough to put it on her blog. I adore Lexy and she’s been so sweet to me. She’s a wonderful, funny, and very honest writer who also happens to be a mum to her precious son, Addison. I can’t say enough great things about her and love her to bits. Her blog is a must read so make sure you check it out.

*Continuing with my series about my in-laws, I delve into the not so fascinating world of their not in a good way weirdness. I’m saying this in my best ‘guy who hosts the Actor’s Studio’ impression, James Lipton.

In my last post I established that my in-laws can’t say words correctly, they’re delusional to the point of my FIL mistaking a homeless woman for an overzealous shopper, and my MIL is an animal hoarder. Wow, why didn’t I just say that in Part 1? I could have avoided using so many words. 😉

Don’t Speak. My FIL makes it almost impossible to talk or add anything to a conversation. One time we had gone out somewhere for lunch and he noticed that there was construction on a new building. At dinner he spent the WHOLE time talking about how this particular building’s air conditioning system could be designed. Seriously. All I could do was sit there quietly humming to myself and rock back and forth.

Actually I just sat there in a catatonic state. These are the only kinds of things he talks about and it makes it very difficult to have a normal conversation. Satellite Imaging. Check. When the first railroad was built and how. Check. How one could design a better NASA space shuttle. Check. My husband has a degree in engineering so he loves talking about this stuff but mostly it’s just my FIL yapping away.

I always freak out a little because these aren’t the types of conversation my hubs and I have on a regular basis. It’s more along the lines of the cat puked in four different places upstairs, what celebrity couple broke up, cheated, or got engaged this week, and our daughter’s poop. I don’t mind my hubby talking to his dad about environmentally green toilets. But when that kind of discussion goes on for 45 minutes, I just want to jump out of the window or bang my head against a spike.

Then there’s my MIL. When we’ve talked on the phone we’ll be all girly. But once I’m around her, she tries to talk about what my hubby and the FIL are talking about. She was visiting last March right after I had abdominal surgery to repair the damage that was done with my emergency cesarean. Apparently the doctors used a rusty butter knife to cut me open because it resulted in five very painful hernia’s.

The recovery took a lot longer than my c-section recovery so we had no choice but to ask her to come help when my hubby went back to work a week later. While she was visiting there was one time that the movie Spiderman was on. There is a scene when Mary Jane is falling off of a balcony and Spiderman comes to her rescue.

My MIL asked how in the world can Spiderman catch up to Mary Jane when she was already falling before he came to her rescue. She also added “It just doesn’t seem realistic” which is what she ends up saying throughout every movie I’ve seen with her. I just laughed and said “because he’s Spiderman and it’s just a movie”. Then my hubby and MIL started talking about the physics of it and how it might be possible in real life. *Facepalm*

Which brings me to: never, ever watch a movie with my in-laws since they will suck all the enjoyment out of it. Something else my MIL does is makes me not want to say a single word. I can say something directed at my husband but she makes it into a HUGE deal. When I was almost 9 months pregnant my in-laws were visiting and I had just dropped my bum into a reclining chair. I wasn’t going to be moving out of it any time soon.

When my husband got up from the couch I asked him if he could bring me the phone. I thought it was a very simple request. My MIL thought otherwise. She told me “Your perfectly capable of getting the phone so why don’t you just get it yourself. You don’t need your husband to do everything for you”. Then I threw her off the balcony and Spiderman wasn’t there to save her. The End.

She does this to me constantly and I just don’t feel it’s her place. My hubby and I ask each other things like this all the time and I think it’s perfectly normal. Then my MIL will always stick her nose into these things. Because of this, I try to keep my mouth shut most of the time when I’m around my in-laws. There’s someone who can make that difficult and it’s my brother-in-law.

Douche Du Jour. Thankfully my brother-in-law is married to my hubby’s sister. He isn’t my husband’s brother or I would’ve really had to re-think marrying my husband. Both him and my sister-in-law have Ph.D’s but my BIL uses his knowledge as a weapon and is very antagonizing. When we visit the in-laws, my BIL is always such a douche.

One time while having dinner, my FIL was talking about some complicated mathematical problem. So yeah, I stayed quiet. When I was in the kitchen alone, my BIL walked in. I was thinking here’s our chance to talk and get to know each other better. But Noooo.

He started laying into me about how I wouldn’t be so bored and useless if I actually contributed to the conversation. That pretty much sums up his douchebag self. Then I ran him over with my car because we all know that Spiderman doesn’t care about douchebags.

So these are the people I will be dealing with from Friday-Monday. Help!

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13 Responses to Thanksgiving Is Gonna Rock Me Like A Hurricane. A Hurricane That Is Insulting And Has No Tact. But A Hurricane Nonetheless. Part 2

  1. themomsmith November 16, 2010 at 09:31 #

    There is clearly only one way to get through this weekend. Vodka.

    Seriously though, I hate this kind of exclusion. It wouldn’t take much effort for them to make you feel included by talking about topics that are also interesting to you. I have the opposite problem. My father-in-law is a great guy and has been so awesome to my kid but he’s just really quiet. I never know what to talk to him about.

    • Elle November 16, 2010 at 09:42 #

      It’s funny because when my hubby and I first started dating almost 16 years ago, he took me to see Nine Inch Nails. That’s really the only thing my in-laws know about me. So every time I see them they ask me how Nine Inch Nails are. Lol!

      You’re so lucky with your FIL. I would take quiet and nice any day. 🙂

  2. Jess November 16, 2010 at 14:00 #

    Oh gosh. I don’t know how you do it! I agree- vodka may be the only way. In one of those pretty little flasks 😉 haha. But really- good luck!

    • Elle November 16, 2010 at 14:08 #

      Vodka will be my best friend when I visit. 😀 Thankfully I talked my hubby into staying at a hotel, normally we stay with them. Still, every hour with the in-laws feels like a week.

  3. Alitalyn November 17, 2010 at 08:23 #

    Oh girl, I feel for you. Your best bet is to start doing shots 20 minutes before they arrive and then continue for the duration of the visit. And as your getting sloshed, you can sit there and silently plan their demise. You won’t be saying much anyway and this will surely keep you occupied. Good luck to you! Let us all know how it goes!

    • Elle November 17, 2010 at 09:47 #

      I like the way you think! 🙂

  4. Kristen November 18, 2010 at 12:49 #

    Oh, I feel your pain!!

    My husband was in the military when we met but had already decided not to continue. Coincidentally, that decision was made around the time we met. His parents, however, think their golden boy would have been an Admiral if it wasn’t for me! And they are quick to point it out at every opportunity.
    They are also the cheapest human beings on the planet. Not that I need expensive gifts or think its even necessary but this year for my husband’s 30th they sent him canned pickles and jam from their summer garden! Really? Pickles? We don’t even like pickles.
    His Dad is really annoying too. He has no internal monologue. Ever. So when we drive anywhere he’ll point out every single sign on the road and say it out loud. And then he’ll debate the merits of each sign. “Shouldn’t there be a comma in that sentence?” NO! There shouldn’t be, Crazy McCrazyPants!
    I’m sure my husband could write some good stuff about my parents too, but they aren’t NEARLY as bad as his 😉

    • Elle November 18, 2010 at 13:40 #

      OMG! That’s just awful. I really feel for you. My in-laws have my husband on a pedestal and it’s barf-inducing b/c they lay it on so thick. My FIL is like yours. He has to narrate every single tiny little thing no matter what it is. When we watch movies together I’ll put closed captioning on since the FIL won’t keep quiet. Then he actually starts reading everything the cc says. I get to the point where I want to muzzle him or worse. 😀

      They give my hubby and daughter really nice gifts, which I appreciate, but then I’ll get something lame that I just know was sitting in the bargain bin, collecting dust and I won’t ever use.

      My parents aren’t even close to being as bad as my in-laws and I swear I’m not being biased. 😉 I know my hubby feels closer to my mom than his own. It’s sad but true.

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