Thanks to my husband, I received the worst Christmas card ever.

After my husband graduated college, he was planning on getting a job using his engineering degree. When his school had a job fair, some recruiters from the Navy were there. At first the hubby and I thought “no way”.  

But when the great job offers we thought he was going to get never happened and the only offers he got payed less than a job in fast food, we thought about it more seriously. It didn’t hurt that he would be getting more money.

Two of my uncles and two cousins have been in the military but, with the exception of his grandfathers, there hasn’t been anyone else from my husband’s family that has been. When he finally decided to join and go to Officer Candidate School two months later, his parents were less than thrilled.

I know my mother-in-law was furious with me and blamed me. When my hubby and I got married, I was 20, he was 21, and his mom thought we were making a huge mistake. When she married my father-in-law, she was 19 and 3 months pregnant with my husband’s older sister, so her concerns about us being too young seemed a little hypocritical.

I still think that’s why there’s so much tension between me and my mother-in-law. She thinks I stole her baby boy and threw him in the Navy even though he was the one that made the final decision.

He was away at Officer Candidate School in Florida for 3 months and it was awful to have him gone so long. Up until 4 years ago, he was deployed frequently and although I dealt with it, I never got used to him being gone all the time.

We had only been married a year when he joined the Navy so we were still in the honeymoon stage. He graduated OCS and came back home about a week before Christmas. We were going to, ahem, have a few days alone, then we were going to see his family.

He had already bought some presents and put them under our little tree. One of the presents was in a jewelry box and I got so excited. I thought maybe, just maybe, it was a diamond pendant necklace. Looking back, that’s pretty ridiculous thinking since we were young, just starting out, and so broke we couldn’t even afford a toaster.

But sure, my hubby is able to afford a diamond pendant necklace for me. Heh. It actually ended up being a U.S. Navy necklace which was sweet but in my mind, I was expecting a diamond. Then there was the card. Oy!

Since he was gone for 3 looong months, I was expecting a card that was really romantic. I took so much care in picking out his gifts and getting him a really sweet card even though I usually like funny cards.

When I was in the middle of opening the card he gave me, I was expecting it to say how much he loved and missed me. Instead, it was a total crap card. Really. It had a picture of a deer. taking. a. crap. in the woods. I admit, now it’s pretty damn funny but then, not so much.

He had been waiting for my reaction and once I had opened up the inside of the card, he was laughing. I, on the other hand, wondered if I could use the card as a murder weapon and tried to hold back tears. So much for romance.

This holiday remember, if a loved one forgets to give you a card or it isn’t what you expect, know that it could be much worse. You could be given a card with a deer taking a crap in the woods.

A reenactment of a deer taking a crap in the woods. *Face has been edited to protect the innocent.

 **Update. My hubby finally redeemed himself, 10 years later, when he was the card for our 11th anniversary.

*Face edited to protect the not so innocent.

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13 Responses to Thanks to my husband, I received the worst Christmas card ever.

  1. misslexywoo December 21, 2010 at 11:04 #

    I didn’t laugh, honest! Happy Xmas.

    • Elle December 21, 2010 at 12:33 #

      Merry Christmas to you and little woo!

  2. confusedmummy December 21, 2010 at 13:05 #

    Military men and mother in laws seem to be the same the world over!
    That did make me laugh!
    Merry Christmas!!

    • Elle December 21, 2010 at 14:34 #

      Oooo! I would love to hear some stories sometime. 🙂 I’m glad you got a laugh. I find it hilarious now, although when it comes up, since I’ll never let him forget, while we sit their laughing, I have to give him some playful slaps to the arm. At the time, it would have helped his cause if he had a sweet card to give me as well. 😉 Merry Christmas!!

  3. Mandi December 21, 2010 at 13:22 #

    I didn’t laugh either, I swear.

    I remember feeling that way about a Valentine’s Day Card! (I think Valentine’s) You know, he got some sex related not romantic at all card and I apparently was looking for hearts and the word love and you are my everything and all that good junk. That was in our younger years though, young love 😉

    • Elle December 21, 2010 at 14:25 #

      There must be something in men that makes them clueless when it comes to gifts and cards. I think I know what it is, they either think with their penis, or in my case, with their arse. hehe. With the exception of that lovely xmas card he gave me, he went years not even getting me a card for anything.

      I think the deer card was the first card he ever did give although he did leave a very sweet post-it on my door after our first date ( I’m surprisingly not even being sarasctic, it was the sweetest thing and maybe he just needs to start using post-its again (now I’m being sarastic).

      He thinks cards are pointless and I guess they, but I still like them dammit, especially since he’s a man of very few words, 😉 and I needed another card from him to wipe the memory of the deer one. When I finally “trained” him on card giving, the deer card is still burned into my brain. damn. 🙂

      Four years ago for our 11 year wedding anniversary, he made *himself* the card with cut outs. That was the most awesome one I got. I would put it on here but I think it shows his face and he rather be anon. Maybe I can block his face out like I did that little deer. 🙂

      And this is probably the longest reply ever. I could have made this into another post!

  4. dysfunctional mom December 21, 2010 at 15:11 #

    Um…it’s the thought that counts? No, even that doesn’t really work here.
    I hope he’s doing better now!

    • Elle December 21, 2010 at 15:16 #

      Lol! He has been doing a lot better and before we had our daughter last year, he would even give me cards that were from our cat. Wait! Is that better? 😉

  5. EL December 22, 2010 at 11:54 #

    I completely understand how this is only funny in retrospect!

    My Hubby signed every card that came my way, for the first 2 years we were together… S.M.B. because THOSE are his initials. Never HAS cared much for signing his name. Even now, he signs my cards *I Love You*

    And mother-in-laws…. what IS that?!
    I hereby promise to not be a passive aggressive wench to me sons’ mates.

    • Elle December 22, 2010 at 15:32 #

      I’m surprised my husband still has his balls after giving me a card like that. hehe. He signs cards kinda weird too. He usually signs his name so small that you need a magnifying glass to see it. 😉

      When I become a mother-in-law, I hope I’m never as hoity toity as my mil is to me.

  6. Jill@ Mormon Surrogate December 22, 2010 at 16:40 #

    Lovely. LOL.
    My hubby isn’t the best with cards, but he’s learning. He’s not great with presents either… but he lets me pick mine out, so I can’t complain.
    My hubby joined the Navy before our 1 year anniversary. I celebrated my 21st b-day and 1st anniversary alone. I have a USN locket necklace that I love. I also have personalized dog tags.
    Merry Christmas if I don’t talk to you before then!

    • Elle December 23, 2010 at 01:31 #

      Merry Christmas to you!


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