What I’ve Learned From Watching Little House On The Prairie.

*Sidenote. I used to like Mary but then, um, hmmm, I don’t know where the love went. I’m citing irreconcilable differences.

Little House on the Prairie was one of my favorite shows growing up. Most of the episodes I saw were repeats since I was born in ’75 and didn’t start watching it until the early ’80’s. I still watch the show and it’s like comfort food for me, without the calories.

These are some things I’ve learned over the years since watching the show.

1. If I climb into my husband’s wagon and a loose wire scratches my leg, go see Doc Baker right away. Don’t send my family off on a little trip while I stay home and bake pies. I’ll end up loony from the infection I develop and the high fever I get. That will result in me becoming paranoid, locking the doors in my house, breaking a window when trying to get help (that window looks like it would be a real pain in the ass to fix), and ultimately thinking cutting my leg off is the best option.

2. Never, ever trust Nellie Oleson because she will play nice and invite me over to her house. Then, I’ll spill my guts out and talk about how I have a major crush on a boy. Being the douchette that Nellie is, she will secretly record this and then play it in front of the whole class, including the boy I have a crush on. Hello? I live in Walnut Grove. It’s not like I can just transfer to a different school to escape the embarrassment.

3. Mary will never grow out of her bitchy and pretentious ways. When Ma and Pa aren’t looking, strap her to something heavy and throw her in the creek. Wait, scratch that. Her body would mess up the water supply. I know! When the wild dogs come and ravage my farm and we’re stuck in the barn, push her outside. That way, the wild dogs will no longer want to kill me and Mary will be out of the picture. Problem solved!

4. Make sure to stay in touch with Olga, the little girl Pa made a special shoe for, because she will end up on The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. You need to be able to call her crazy ass and get the dirt on the passive-aggressive psycho that is Camille Grammer.

5. A racoon for a pet is a really dumb idea.

6. Almanzo is a cool guy and all but you should have joined Facebook so you could hunt down that hot handyman that Ma hired. The one that tested Ma and Pa’s marriage and had Mary get her undies in a wad.

7. Brace yourself. Pa can’t really play the violin but it will take you an embarrassing amount of years to figure that out. Actually, you will have only figured it out last year.

~~~

*Blog of the week: Don’t Worry Baby. I’ve been reading this blog since last year when Sara was in the early stages of pregnancy with her adorable daughter Sylvie, who was born in August. Sara is an artist and has an Etsy shop, Darling Lark, and does beautiful custom initial illustrations.

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10 Responses to What I’ve Learned From Watching Little House On The Prairie.

  1. Sarah January 26, 2011 at 08:09 #

    I was never a fan of Mary. Far too much of a goody-two-shoes.

  2. sara January 26, 2011 at 09:35 #

    Hilarious post. I used to love watching reruns of LHONTP when I was a kid, too. Thanks for the shout out as well!

  3. bratgirl January 26, 2011 at 16:00 #

    I read this just to make sure you included the most important lesson.
    #5. Well done!

  4. TheBoyandMe January 26, 2011 at 23:31 #

    I adores LHotP! Like you I must have watched Sunday morning repeats, because I was born in ’77. A few years ago mun bought the boxset of them but I’m scated to watch them. What if they’re not as good as I remember?

  5. EL January 27, 2011 at 12:00 #

    It’s actually a little weird the things we have in common.. lol
    Oddly, I was JUST thinking about Nelly Olsen for some reason the other day, totally out of the blue.

  6. katrina Roldan January 27, 2011 at 12:39 #

    Oh yea, the handyman? You mean Chris, the guy who worked on the kitchen addition while Pa was away? Yes….waaaaay better pick then Manly. Way better!

    We are a big fan of Little House….my kids have all the DVD’s. One of my favorites is when Carrie falls into the well. That, and when Nellie gets knocked off Bunny and pretends to be paralyzed.

  7. The Last Girl Standing January 28, 2011 at 17:17 #

    I used to be so jealous of Melissa Gilbert because I wanted Michael Landon to be my pretend dad. It was Nellie I wanted to ruin the water supply with. Or bop her on the head with one of those chalkboard things and cut off her braids. Whichev’

    I love this post. I personally think you should be loopy more often 😉

  8. Molly January 29, 2011 at 19:56 #

    First comment, but I’ve been reading for awhile…I was born in 1980 and my older sister and I watched this show ALL.THE.TIME! I loved it…swear I’ve seen every episode 3 times…and I had to google Olga, figure out who that actress was, and now I have a reason to watch RHBH! I only watch RHNJ…because those b*tches are CRAZY…Funny, funny stuff.
    How about when Nellie grew up and the Olsen’s got Nancy…love the Nancy episodes.

    • Elle January 29, 2011 at 22:37 #

      Oh yeah, Nancy! She made Nellie look tame. I loved the episode where they teach Nancy a lesson with the dunk tank at the school fair. hehe

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