Every weekend my husband gets up in the morning with our daughter so I can sleep in. Even pre-hummingbird, he would be an early riser (okay, get your mind out of the gutter), he is a military man after all. I, on the other hand, am a night owl and the weekends are when I can catch up on all of the sleep I missed during the week.
I like having a few hours to myself at night so I can read or just have some quiet time to myself. Usually I read in bed but with my hubby’s insanely loud snoring, it can be difficult to concentrate. I could easily go downstairs but I’ll end up watching television. Then one show leads to another and I’ll think “hmmm, I could use a midnight snack”.
That “snack” turns into stuffing my face, the couple of shows leads to several and before I know it, it’s 2 am and I’m watching a magic bullet infomercial that I’ve already seen a hundred times.
For those of you who don’t know, the magic bullet, surprisingly, isn’t a vibrator although that would be an awesome name for one, it’s a blender type thing.
So, yeah, I really need to stay in bed to avoid all of that despite the snoring monster that’s laying next to me. (Btw, he still hasn’t gotten his results from his sleep study and it’s been over 5 weeks now. ugh!)
When I go to sleep at night, it takes me a good hour or so before I can fall asleep. If I’m really exhausted, it takes me half that time. If I get woken up, I can usually go back to sleep within a few minutes if I don’t open my eyes or have to play 20 questions with a certain someone, ahem. When my hubby goes to bed, he’s asleep just a few minutes after his head hits the pillow.
Okay, focus! So this is what happens every Saturday and Sunday when my hubby let’s me “sleep in”.
My daughter usually wakes up around 6:45-7 am. On the weekends it isn’t my little girl who wakes me up though. I’m woken up by my hubby getting his metal water bottle off of his night stand or checking the baby monitor to see if the little hummingbird is awake. Apparently, her babbling and yelling coming from her room isn’t enough proof that she’s awake.
When he goes to grab the monitor or his water bottle, it causes an avalanche of all the other crap that’s on his night stand and I’m woken up to the clanging and thumps of things crashing to the floor. He gets up out of bed and ends up throwing the blankets off of me. I have to sit up and grab them so I don’t freeze my bum off.
Even though this happens every weekend, I actually think I’ll be able to go back to sleep. Bwahahahaha!
I’m usually wide awake by this time but I refuse to admit defeat and I’ll lay there with my eyes closed, hoping I’ll fall back asleep. Just as I’ll be drifting off, my husband will open the bedroom door and riffle through his dresser for clothes. I’m wide awake again.
As I’m drifting off to sleep for a third time, he’ll come in for something else and at this point I want to strangle him. Usually our little girl will be in the living room watching her favorite cartoon.
I’ll drift off again and then my hubby will come in for a fourth time to tell me that he’s taking the little hummingbird out and he’ll ask if I want him to pick up some coffee. Then he’ll set my daughter down on the bed while I’m trying to wake from my sleepy fog to answer him. She’ll start climbing all over me, using me as her personal jungle gym and my head as a step stool.
Only after that will my hubby pick-up the little girl and tell her that they need to let mommy sleep. Ha! Then he’ll ask a few other things which really pulls me out of my sleepy fog and I’ll answer him. Several “Uhhh! I’m trying to sleep.” will be immersed in my reply. If my daughter wasn’t in the room, there would be some very choice words mixed in.
He’ll leave the room and then a few seconds later come right back in asking something like “So, did you say you wanted coffee? I can’t remember.”
I’ll finally get settled and cozy in bed and wait for him to leave since our garage is right below the bedroom and it sounds like a jet rumbling through the bedroom when it’s opened. I’ll be waiting and waiting. I’ll hear him racing up the stairs for something while hoping he doesn’t come back into the bedroom. Finally, I’ll be feeling sleepy again and then BOOM, the garage door will bolt me back awake.
So much for sleeping in.
Later on in the day, usually while my daughter is taking a nap, I’ll be yawning and tell my husband that I could really use a nap. That’s when he’ll say “Why are you so tired? I let you sleep in. I’m the one that could use a nap since I didn’t get a chance to sleep in like you did.”
I should be grateful that he at least attempts to let me sleep. I know a lot of moms don’t even have their guys doing that but still, it’s times like this that I wish I had Dexter’s cell phone number.