Parking space.

*I had to change the title because weirdos are finding my blog by looking up some nasty photos.

While at the grocery store on Sunday I couldn’t get over how crazy people were being. It seems like it’s a battle zone these days. I don’t understand what brings out the basket of insanity in people when it comes to grocery shopping. Take the crazy lady my family encountered awhile back. The shopping trip reminded me of a man I had to deal with when we were living in the D.C. area.

It was December 2009, there was a lot of snow, and we were stuck in the house for 3 or 4 days. We probably could have left the house sooner but I didn’t want to chance it with my babeh, who was 8 months old at the time. The snow had let up one weekend and we took the little hummingbird out for the afternoon. On the way back home it started snowing again and we stopped at a grocery store to get some essentials.

I decided to just stay in the car with my daughter while my hubby ran in. A few minutes later I smelled something stinky coming from my daughter’s diaper. We weren’t that far from home but I decided to change her anyway. It crossed my mind that I should wait because I was worried that some dumbass would want to park next to us.

When I looked around, I saw plenty of spaces available and also saw a big pile of snow partially blocking the space right next to us. I thought there wasn’t any way someone would want to park there so I got my daughter out of her car seat, layed her down, and tried to keep the car door as close to me as possible in case there was some idiot who would attempt to park next to a woman changing their baby in the backseat of their car.

I was in the middle of wiping the little hummingbird (she was living up to her name and kept on trying to roll over) when I heard someone yell “Move your ass!” I thought damn, I would hate to be at the end of this guy’s wrath. Then I heard it again. This time it was louder and closer. I turned around slightly mid wipe while trying not to let my little girl move around since she had poop all over and saw there was an old man in a ginormous Buick trying to park in the space right next to me.

Out of all the parking spaces that were open, he picks the one that’s somewhat blocked with a pile of snow and with a woman standing right outside of her car. What a fraking idiot. I had both hands on my little girl as she was being such a wiggle worm and I didn’t want to get poo all over the car.

I looked at the guy and because I was in disbelief at what an asshole he was being, I said “Excuse me?” He replied ” I told you to move your ass or I’m going to run it over with my car!” For a few seconds I thought I could hop into the car and close the door so I could let Mr. WTF park but I knew if I took even one hand off of my wiggly daughter, it would be a disaster and our car would end up permanently smelling like baby poop.

I thought I could try to reason with him and be relatable so I told him that I was in the middle of changing my daughter’s diaper and I would just be a minute. His response “That’s YOUR PROBLEM! You should have thought of that before you decided to change her diaper while blocking a parking space!”

Mr. WTF’s yelling scared my little girl and she started screaming and shaking. I was almost done with her messy diaper and at this point, I was shaking too. He kept on yelling at me but I have no idea what he said. I was in mama bear mode and wanted to kick this guy’s ass.

While he continued his yelling and my daughter continued her crying, I wanted so badly to take that poopy diaper and whack it facedown on his windshield. I was pretty sure that he would be the type to call the cops. I could just see getting arrested for destruction of property or vandalism…by way of a poopy diaper. heh.

The minute I had asked him for took longer. I was a nervous wreck because of his behavior but I was finally done and climbed into the car while closing the door and holding my screaming baby girl. This whole incident only lasted a few minutes but it seemed a lot longer.

He got out of his car, walked towards the grocery store, and kept on looking back at me while yelling. By the time my hubby got back to the car, both my daughter and I were crying. I told him what happened and was ready to give him the little hummingbird while I went into the store to find this guy. I don’t know what I would have done when I found him but I didn’t care. Not only was he a jerk but he scared my daughter and that was all I needed.

I calmed down somewhat and my hubby left a note on the guy’s car. I wanted him to use lots of words containing the letters F and U but he only wrote something like you need to learn some manners. My hubby is waaaay too nice. Since it was snowing, I’m sure the note disintegrated by the time Mr. WTF came back out. I know he wouldn’t have cared even if he did read it.

Oh how I wish I would have whacked my daughter’s diaper onto his windshield.

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8 Responses to Parking space.

  1. jaynecrammond February 8, 2011 at 00:21 #

    What an arsehole. I think I would have taken the potential slap on the wrist from the police, just for the satisfaction of giving him the baby poo. I really hate people like that.

  2. Where no one you know can hear you scream February 8, 2011 at 12:33 #

    Oh man.

    I would’ve at the very least smeared his tires with her diaper.

    You do not attack my children and make them cry without consequences.

    I would’ve offered to call the cops on his ass for threatened vehicular manslaughter.

    Frelling pile of dren.

    Sidenote: If it’s cold enough to be snowing, it’s probably worth it to use the grocery store’s changing room. Most have them now (I should know). However, I also know how at the time, this probably seemed like the least troublesome option. I also live in the south, where my child would be very confused by frigid air hitting the bare bottom.

    • Elle February 8, 2011 at 12:59 #

      When this happened, the little hummingbird was going through a stage where she had what seemed like a phobia when it came to public changing tables. As soon as she saw one and I would lay her down, she would scream bloody murder times 10 and try to flop off of it. It would scare the hell out of me so I would just change her in the car.

      In hindsight, that probably wouldn’t have been as scary to deal with as the old man. 😉

      • Where no one you know can hear you scream February 9, 2011 at 13:09 #

        Ahh.. We had that phase briefly with my son too, caused by his large size making him feel like he was falling off the table. It resulted in having to change him on bathroom floors (GROSS!) until he was potty trained – the contents tending to exceed their allotted diaper boundaries. Luckily, he avoided soiling it while in his carseat by that point, preferring the Poop-in-Hide method.

        Oh to have that hind-sight view of things – it would make dealing with children so much easier.

  3. TheBoyandMe February 8, 2011 at 23:24 #

    Absolute sh*thead! I would have pinned it to the wipers, hubby says he’s had smeared it over the air intake.

  4. dysfunctional mom February 9, 2011 at 21:16 #

    Oh I so wish you would’ve smashed it on his windshield….or better yet, his head!

  5. Mandi February 10, 2011 at 08:38 #

    I’m pretty sure a poopy diaper on the windshield would have done the trick!
    I really just don’t understand why, when he clearly saw the parking space was being blocked, he didn’t just move AND then proceeded to yell. Really buddy, really??

  6. Kookoocachu February 12, 2011 at 02:45 #

    Once while I was out shopping with my friend (her car) and her sister we had to park in a non child parking bay. We were all about to get out, her sister who was driving (learning) got out and I hopped out from the back. Luckily my friend hadn’t opened her door yet (front passenger) as this complete dickhead screamed into the parking space next to her leaving just a foot between the cars. He jumped out and I told him that he was over his line, way to close and I couldn’t get my baby out could he please move. He replied walking off to the store “No should have gone in a child space.” My friend, flabbergasted, shouted out the window at this derp who stuck his middle finger in the air.
    So she waited until he was in the store, and opened her door kicking it with her foot. Hard. Bang. Nice big dent in his shiny, but old BMW. We thought then it was best to probably leave and go to another supermarket, but before we did a bloke who had seen everything happen came over to use and said ‘I would have done the same’.
    Score.
    Where do these people come from!?

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