Toddler PMS.

Who? Me?!

*Updated 2/17/13. I’ve gotten such horrible comments  from some in the child free community. I don’t blame the community as a whole, just the idiots who are leaving stupid fucking comments. Here’s one to be really proud of. “Wow. I suggest that you beat your little shit until it stops crying. In no way is this behavior acceptable.”

After my daughter turned a year old and became a walking hummingbird who would get into everything, I naively thought that would probably be the most trying part of having a toddler. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa! *breathes* HaHaHaHaHaHa!

Enter what I call toddler PMS. I now know what my hubby has to put up with every month except my little girl’s toddler PMS is chronic. I’m sure that he would argue mine is too but he doesn’t want me to rip his head off, both of them.

My daughter is usually very sweet and well-behaved. She also has such a gentle heart and when I catch glimpses of how she will be when she gets older, I feel so proud.

But out of the blue she will have meltdowns and tantrums. At 21 months old, she has been climbing the terrible twos ladder for awhile and according to a terrible twos calculator I came across online (I couldn’t resist doing it and regretted it right after, kind of like when I lost my virginity) she will be in this stage for another 428 days – 23 hours – 42 minutes – and 32 seconds. Note to the terrible twos calculator people: bite me.

Before I had my daughter I would see parents standing there with blank stares while their child would be kicking and screaming at a store. I would always think why aren’t they doing anything. Now I know.

You aren’t quite sure what to do because in an instant your precious babe can go from talking in such a sweet little voice and giving you MWAH! kisses to acting  possessed while you’re waiting in a long line at the drugstore.

Your possessed child starts screaming at the top of their lungs because you will no longer let them hold a box of tissues that they have chewed holes in and they throw themselves on the floor while everyone in line and behind the pharmacy counter looks your way since it sounds like you’re slowly killing said child.

Not that I would know anything about that. *snort*

Yesterday was especially sucky and bad interesting. No matter what I said to my daughter, she would look at me, stick her bottom lip out, and do her “I’m being murdered” cry with tears streaming down her face.

“Be gentle with the kitty.” CRY. “Do you want your sippy?” CRYYYYYY. “Let’s go to the playground.” *she runs to the front door* “We have to get your shoes on before we go.” CRYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Me: ………mutters “holy crap”……..

The playground is less than a block from our house and I carry her across the street, then let her run on the soccer field that’s next to the playground. She didn’t like this setup yesterday and was struggling to break free while I was crossing the street. I’m sure it looked like I was kidnapping her.

After I set her down she ran a few feet, stopped, and just stood there for several seconds. Could she perhaps be changing from a cranky toddler to a cranky zombie toddler? Nope. It was toddler PMS. She threw herself on the ground and started pointing at me while whining. I had no idea what she wanted and had to play 20 questions with her, finally realizing it’s the keys in my pocket that she wants.

Happy again with keys in hand, the little hummingbird and I made it to the playground in one piece, barely. She went down the slide a few times and then ran around by the swings. Then she tripped. I ran over to her and picked her up, making sure she was okay. That made me THE most horrible mother in the entire world.

She does this thing where she’ll take a few steps, she falls on her bum, and then repeats it a few times. She finds it so funny.

While on the playground having her tantrum, my little girl was screaming and pushing me away as I tried to help her up. While continuing to scream, she got up, walked a few steps, and slammed right down on her bum. She also started wailing “MAAHHHMAA!” This went on for a minute or so.

It was one of those moments where I thought someone slipped something in my coffee because I felt like I was having a bad acid trip.

After getting over the “what in the hell” aspect of her meltdown, I looked at her while she continued doing this and it took all I had to stop from busting out laughing. I felt bad for even thinking it’s funny but oh my gawd, it was. I know I would lose my mind if I didn’t see the funny side of it.

Even with all of the tantrums, the crying, the flopping around like a fish when I try to pick her up, and the whining, I still can’t wait to have another baby. But I’m sure the next one will be a perfect little angel. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

I encourage your comments on the terrible toddler years.

*Blog of the week: Anne Nahm. I’ve mentioned her on my blog several times because Anne’s blog was the first one I read and it’s still one of my favorites. You have to check this post out, it’s hilarious.

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56 Responses to Toddler PMS.

  1. Momsmith February 11, 2011 at 06:39 #

    Wish I had better news for you but mine is 11 and this stuff still happens…so…be strong, sister!

    (don’t hate me like the toddler calc people…!) ;)

    • Elle February 11, 2011 at 09:20 #

      Yep, I remember making my mom’s life hell at that age and beyond. I’m so screwed. :P

  2. anne nahm February 11, 2011 at 10:53 #

    Oh man, my 22 month old is doing this same thing right now and it is driving me up. the. wall. I can’t even say anymore because my eyelid is twitching just thinking about it. Hope it gets better soon.

    Thank you for the link!

  3. TheBoyandMe February 12, 2011 at 01:25 #

    Oh, I know this one so well! Astounding and confounding at the same time. Why is he crying now? What did I do? I just ignore him unless he’s getting uncontrollably hysterical; I will never again judge a mother’s actions with a screaming toddler!

  4. Kookoocachu February 12, 2011 at 02:28 #

    The only way I can describe Dyllan’s screaming fits is like an alien being skinned alive.
    I’ve learnt that the best way to deal with it, is just wait. He’s there on the floor in the middle of Sainsburys, flailing around like a fish on acid screaming his head off, and I’m stood there over him, waiting for him to finish. People may look at me and say ‘oh what a terrible mother why isn’t she doing anything!?’ (these people usually don’t have children) But the truth is, by ignoring it (making sure he’s safe obviously) and waiting for him to finish, I have cut down the tantrum to all of 2 minutes, rather than trying to pick him up/fussing and it lasting until he got back in the car and beyond.
    Someone remind me this doesn’t last forever?? lol

  5. Mommy February 17, 2011 at 14:40 #

    New reader who loves your blog!! You are hilarious!!!

    I only have boys, and let me tell you- they have PMS too (at least the big one does, the little one is still too little for tantruns, but I know it is coming!).

    Hang in there, mama!!

    • Elle February 17, 2011 at 18:55 #

      Why thank you! I should have known that boys have PMS too seeing that my hubby does. :D

  6. Thurieyyah May 10, 2011 at 04:51 #

    These days when Im being plastered with little fairy kisses and hugs – I always wonder… how long to the next meltdown… when it does happen I usually run away quickly and lock myself up in the bathroom…leaving her Dad and brother to deal with her! LOL

    • Elle May 17, 2011 at 00:46 #

      Haha! When my husband’s home, I do the same thing. I also take my iPod in there to get a bit of music therapy.

  7. Beadzoid February 13, 2013 at 14:14 #

    Hehe awww, I shouldn’t laugh. But it’s too funny :)

    I’m mum to a 3 year old now and it DOES get better. Sort of. But then you get the ‘Trying Threes’. Indeed we had our very own screaming and shrieking fit at bedtime this evening. Very rare nowadays, but ferocious in it’s intensity. My husband and I thankfully managed to get out of earshot before we cracked out laughing at the amazingly OTT display. Blood-curdling screams with the odd bit of unintelligible Cartman thrown in.

    Goooo ooooon, ‘ave another! Double the fun! :D x
    Beadzoid recently posted..Get thee to a nunnery!My Profile

  8. Tara February 13, 2013 at 15:08 #

    As a former preschool teacher you are completely wrong. Unless there I a mental illness preventing your child from understanding direction there was NO child I could not stop from having inappropriate tantrums. Hundreds of children, not one problem. Sounds like you let your child run your life. Also your dismissive rude comments to the childfree are incredibly rude. I feel sorry for the future of humanity that you are contributing to.

    • Elle February 13, 2013 at 20:20 #

      Well, “your CF people” called me a shitty parent and my child a fucking brat AND a little shit. Just from a tiny post that shows a glimpse of my life. When that happens, my mama bear is coming out….not that you would know anything about that.

      • Krystal February 14, 2013 at 09:28 #

        When your child acts like a demon n public it does make you look like a shitty parent. When your child acts like a demon in public they ARE BEING A FUCKING BRAT. There are ways to deal with this. You obviously haven’t found a way to do so yet.

        • Kristin S. February 14, 2013 at 09:40 #

          Wow. Judgmental much? Kids have tantrums. Not all of them can be contained right away, and it sounds to be like Elle is trying her best to keep a good sense of humor. Try a little kindness.

        • Elle February 14, 2013 at 09:56 #

          Hi “Krystal”. Sweetie, do your parents know you’re on the computer? Don’t you have schoolwork?

          At least my daughter will grow out of her “fucking brat” stage. Looks like you never will.

    • thedavidcmurphy February 14, 2013 at 20:50 #

      Dismissive and rude, to the people who went out of their way to come on to her blog and be rude and nasty to her? Please… this is nothing but a pathetic attempt at bullying, because of some agenda. “Let’s rage against parents and their parenting mishaps, that’ll make us feel better.” It’s disgusting.
      thedavidcmurphy recently posted..Freudian TipMy Profile

  9. ShitBreedersSay February 13, 2013 at 15:31 #

    Haha

    You mad bro? You seem mad. Are you mad because you wasted your life having kids while us childfree people get to enjoy our lives? I bet that is why you are mad.

    I am not mad, I am glad I am not you. I would never want to be so bitter and hateful.
    ShitBreedersSay recently posted..My friend’s child is driving me nutsMy Profile

    • Elle February 13, 2013 at 18:15 #

      Yeah, go back to playing your video games and jerking off to porn. I’m just sorry your mom had to put up with you as a child, Yeah, remember that. You were a little child once.

      • Kay February 14, 2013 at 19:49 #

        It’s nice to know that all CF’ers do nothing more than jerk off and play video games. Thank you for reinforcing the stereotype of juvenile, proud-to-a-fault ‘I popped out a womb goblin’, so hear me roar mom.

        We do remember that we were, at one point, children. That we too were shitheads as well. However, on countless occasions, recall my mother putting her foot down the second I acted up, not standing idly bye, waiting for the shitstorm to run its course.

        Congratulations on reproducing, really, good for you if it makes you happy then by all means, squeeze out as many mewling cabbages as you can.

        All the best,

        Previous, mewling useless, drooling, screaming germ factory/money pit/mistake.

        • Elle February 14, 2013 at 20:16 #

          Your child free community has said the most vulgar, hateful things to me and about my family for the past few days JUST because I have a child. So you really think I’m going to be nice?!

          Go fuck yourself. You can’t get a germ infested little shit that way.

        • Kay February 15, 2013 at 09:11 #

          It actually makes me laugh, I refer to myself as once upon a time, being a ‘germ infested, little shithead’ and you instantly take it to heart that I called your offspring that. Control your hormones woman, I was under the impression that all mothers had thick skin. (the gods know mine does, I’m still blown away that she had me and wasted countless opportunities to pursue a career and a life that would have made her happy, one that she deserved and still deserves, for the sake of my brother and I. But I digress).

          Secondly, the CF community, is not my community. I don’t ascribe to any ‘community’ really. Though I do share a handful of their views when it comes to children. Sadly, the well behaved, polite children I used to come across, seem to be a rare, if not extinct, species.

          Third, I”m going to go out on a limb here and say that there’s been …crudely, negative opinions voiced because the majority are fed up with parents that refuse to remove their screaming children from the vicinity whilst their in the throes of a violent hissy fit. You smile and giggle about your childs screaming fits, coddling her when they take place, catering to her “game” as you called it. That’s what undoubtedly pushed the masses to critic and judge you so harshly. However. trust me, it’s not just you that the majority of CF’ers have an issue with. There is nothing more rage inciting than watching a parent, nonchalantly stroll around their flailing spawn, acting as if the behavior is completely acceptable. It’s not.

          I always smile when someone tells me to ‘go fuck myself’. As if that were a bad thing = )

          Thank you, brightened my morning.

          • Elle February 15, 2013 at 12:20 #

            I didn’t read your comment but thanks for wasting your time typing it out.

          • Elle February 15, 2013 at 21:49 #

            You know, Kay, I’m really starting to like you. No, really. I think I’d buy you a drink someday. :)

          • Kay February 16, 2013 at 15:39 #

            I’m akin to a black mold. Obnoxious, not very good for your health, but I grow on you after a while.

    • Elle February 14, 2013 at 00:48 #

      “Are you mad because you wasted your life having kids while us childfree people get to enjoy our lives?”

      That’s classic coming from someone who’s “enjoying life” but is sitting behind a computer being a jerk to a woman you don’t even know.

    • thedavidcmurphy February 14, 2013 at 20:52 #

      Your link is hilarious. A little Reddit circlejerk with people insinuating they’d hit kids. Niiiiice!
      thedavidcmurphy recently posted..Freudian TipMy Profile

  10. MK February 13, 2013 at 16:25 #

    PREEEEACHHHH, sisterfriend. I’ve been there. http://mkinwonderland.com/2012/11/eating-my-words-while-my-toddler-eats-hot-dogs/

    And lived to blog about it.

  11. Kaereste February 13, 2013 at 16:31 #

    Hm. My mother would have taken me straight home if I threw a fit in a store. That was not acceptable behavior. If I fought her on the way to the park, I wouldn’t get to go to the park. I was never spanked, but I knew there were consequences for acting out. Basically, if I couldn’t behave in public, I wouldn’t be out in public.

    She managed to do this as a single mother. There is really no reason to tolerate temper tantrums.

    • Elle February 14, 2013 at 00:45 #

      Hi Kaereste. Thank you for your comment. As I’ve already said to someone else,, this was just a glimpse into my life, which was a particulary bad day. My daughter is normally well behaved. It took her a little longer to start talking and this happened when she wasn’t quite 2.

      For a while, it was very difficult communicating verbally with her because I didn’t always know what her needs were since she couldn’t tell me. This is when she would act out and I can see how frustrating that could be for her.

      It’s not that I tolerate her tantrums, There are just some days when a child will be unpredictable and cranky. Kids have bad days just like adults,

  12. thedavidcmurphy February 13, 2013 at 16:39 #

    My boy is the male version of your daughter. Last time we went to the playground, he ignored all the fun stuff, and spent 20 minutes hanging around the fountain area.

    When we went to leave, he shrieked like he was being snatched. Thank God nobody called the cops.
    thedavidcmurphy recently posted..Freudian TipMy Profile

    • thedavidcmurphy February 13, 2013 at 16:42 #

      Also, you can set-up a system whereby comments need to be approved, by you, before they are published. At least, you can on blogger, which is what I do. I’ve only had one or two people try to get free advertising. I think I would become quite pissed if I got abusive comments.
      thedavidcmurphy recently posted..Freudian TipMy Profile

      • Elle February 13, 2013 at 18:08 #

        I just let a few of the child-free comments through but I’m blocking and deleting the rest. I figured they’ll just look like assholes. Haha! And thank you, David! :) You’re sweet.

  13. Minna Drake February 13, 2013 at 16:53 #

    Elle,

    Jenna used to do the same thing…fling herself onto the floor, onto her belly like a beached whale, and cry and hissy fit until she had boogers all over her face, etc, etc…
    She’s going to be 5 in July and still has her hissies, just in different forms (foot stomping, saying “UMMMHHH” very angrily while she crosses her arms…throws things onto the ground or pretend spits when she’s mad).
    You’re doing nothing different than I did (or any other Mom or Dad).
    Ignore the people who DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN…until they have them, they are NOT ENTITLED to an opinion!
    Here with a shoulder for you, love ya you Streaker!
    I put up a video for you on Twitter…here it is again…

    xo…

    Minna

    • Elle February 13, 2013 at 18:09 #

      Thank you so much, Minna. xx

  14. Daniel February 13, 2013 at 21:33 #

    You’re a shitty parent. Discipline your child please before she becomes a shitty person. You may think it’s funny that your child is screaming and running all over the place, but other people have to deal with that shit too, and we don’t think it’s very funny at all.

    • Elle February 13, 2013 at 21:57 #

      From you, I will take that as a compliment. You must be very proud of yourself to bash a woman you don’t even know. All safe and sound behind your computer. Oooh, what a big man you are.

  15. laura February 14, 2013 at 13:15 #

    I’m so glad I don’t have kids. My God.

    • Elle February 14, 2013 at 17:24 #

      You and me both. It’s a sad day if a hateful person like you ever reproduced.

  16. Melissa February 16, 2013 at 11:33 #

    Wow, I happened across this post via the internet rabbit hole from a twitter comment Amber from Crappy Pictures made to you about hate mail…..what a randomly innocent post for people to be so up in arms about….just a typical bad day with a toddler – sorry you were so inundated with random people getting so overly personal, not to mention a couple years after you even wrote the thing

    Pretty hilarious that people (of course those who have not yet experienced full-time parenting of a toddler) seem to think you can magically prevent a pre-verbal toddler from ever misbehaving or having some kind of tantrum. My son is just heading into this stage (17 months) and I have a Master’s degree and am licensed in a field meant to help parents manage children safely and effectively, I teach evidence-based parenting classes (meaning research shows that these methods actually work to improve behaviors) and I certainly don’t feel fully equipped to deal with the impending phase….yes, you can enforce not letting your child hit you or others, but screaming, crying, throwing themselves to the ground, that’s pretty much par for the course for most people – I think laughing at them (silently to yourself) and ignoring them so as not to add to the attention-getting portion of the behavior is quite a healthy way to manage :)
    best of luck

    • Elle February 16, 2013 at 14:10 #

      Thank you so much, Melissa. I really appreciate your kind words. :)

  17. Ericka C February 17, 2013 at 20:11 #

    It’s amazing how much hateful bullshit these child-free people are throwing at you. They did one thing right, they didn’t have children. I respect that choice but to bash you for using humor about the “terrible twos” is harsh. C is now 19 months old. She throws some serious fits also. I desperately need solid advice about teaching boundaries but ONLY from other parents who are kind & supportive. It’s been so long since I’ve lived through the terrible twos. Our oldest turns 24 this week.
    I think if the child-free had their way, we would beat, starve & lock them in closets. Like I said, I respect the choice to be child free but why the child hate? We were all children once.
    Ericka C recently posted..Confessions of a MimiMy Profile

  18. Kath February 18, 2013 at 10:43 #

    God, grow up, you people are more immature than the 2 year old WHO WAS HAVING A BAD FUCKING DAY. You threw fits too but obviously you haven’t grown out of that stage. And you know what? I’m single and have no kids but that doesn’t give me the right to be a condescending asshole.
    Oh well, it must be hard to see the real world with your head so far up your ass.

  19. Anna February 19, 2013 at 15:34 #

    It’s unbelievable how these people who have no kids feel they need to shove their opinion down parents throats on something they know absolutely nothing about – parenting. All kids have tantrums, and yes, we as parents can take them away from other people while they are having their meltdown, and most parents do just that.
    But the rude attacks from these so called child-free community people, are way out of line and downright mean. There’s no need for that in response to a simple blog post about a bad day with a toddler. C’mon people, get real. It sounds as if your child-free lives must be really boring if this is what you have to resort to…
    Anna recently posted..Vampire Diaries clips for episode 4×15 Stand By MeMy Profile

  20. peabod March 30, 2013 at 09:59 #

    The despicable, reactionary neanderthals calling themselves CF on here don’t stand for ME. The hubby & I are child – free, and don’t want kids but would never blast ignorant hate such as these drooling, spittle-flinging idiots would. Do I want kids? No. Do I sometimes think “wow, I’m glad I don’t have kids” when I see a kid having a major raging hissy fit? Yes. But 99.9% of the time parents are doing all they can. Kids are just weird biological beings that are completely random and at any time could be adorable & kissy and clever and then turn into screaming, wailing aliens. I get it. I really do.

    Please don’t think all the CF community is like this W era, Sarah Palin “drill baby drill” idiots. Those people, per their comments, shouldn’t procreate anyway- so we should all be thankful. Their kids would be Norman Bates or Ted Bundy-s extrodinairre. And I fear for the scarred kids who had that self-righteous pre school teacher.

    I sometimes get angry when I DO see a parent on their cell phone, completely ignoring the 2 kids having HUGE meltdowns while the one rips everything off shelves and the other is shouting obscenities and climbing the shelves. THAT IS bad parenting. That is lazy, self indulgent prickness. Those parents I give the “glare” to. I’ve seen one kid say “fuck you” and throw shit at a Target cashier while mom just talked on her phone. But I’ve seen “adults” act the same way themselves – so whose to say?

    Don’t let the uppity asshats get you down. Parenting is hard – that’s one reason I didn’t want to do it. But i give mad props to those who do. Don’t let these cesspool jerkoffs make you mad – don’t waste your time on them.

  21. Brea October 2, 2013 at 20:50 #

    Oh. My. Lord. I could have written this entire post myself—except mine would contain far more profanities because I’m trashy like that.

    My boy is two fake tears and a “murder” scream away from a forever trip to the zoo. He’s a fucking tyrant!

    Your little one is a bit older than mine, so you’ll have to let me know if there is a light at the end of this long dark clusterfuck!
    Brea recently posted..The BossMy Profile

  22. brooke January 30, 2014 at 12:33 #

    So this is exactly what I deal with on the daily I have a soon to be 2 yr old boy i am a young single mother of 22 yrs old I am overwhelmed with this little boys attitude ive spanked but feel ridiculously guilty about it and it doesn’t help the cause in any way he hits back!! Ive become stressed and worried of said attitude but I ride it out abd for these ppl who say “beat their ass” im sure they turned out wonderful -__- my mother used to literally beat me and i do not condone it in the slightest these ppl most likely dont have children and shout begiven the satisfaction of an argument bc they will never uunderstand so keep on being tge best mother you can be!

  23. Naadia April 8, 2014 at 23:55 #

    No kids no opinion on another’s parenting. Point blank. For all that is holy and sacred I hate the toddler meltdowns. My daughter is 18months and it has started. For everything you do, there’s a meltdown for that. I would love to see one of those assholes up here try to verbalize feelings to an 18month old. Good fucking luck! Sometimes you need to stand back and let it happen for your sanity. Last time I checked we didn’t turn into fucking robots after we had children. We remained human. You made the best you could of a bad situation Elle, and that’s all there is to it.

  24. Alisha August 10, 2014 at 00:15 #

    It does get better as they get older. However, (eek) you exchange issues for brand new issues like tattling, fighting, and eating everything in the house. But then there’s days like today when my kids have only spoken a few sentences and have played quietly together while I napped.

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