Ugh.

* This is super whiny. I’ve had two migraines in the past week so I haven’t been in the best mood.

My laptop has a virus. Crappity crap! It won’t even let me open up a browser and is completely unusable. I use my laptop to write most of what I post on my blog and it’s become like a security blanket in a way. I’ve gotten in such a habit of taking my laptop and writing while I’m on my bed so it feels really weird to write anywhere else.

I’ve been having major writer’s block since I don’t have it to write on. This post alone took all day to finish although it wasn’t several hours in a row. If I had several hours in a row, I would use it to sleep, free of my husband’s snoring. One can dream. :^) We have a home computer, which (needless to say) is what I’m currently using, but it has been slooooow and needs an upgrade. It gets me so irritated that I want to throw it out of the window.

Since I’m computer illiterate, it’s up to my hubby to fix my laptop. We found out what virus it is, I just don’t know when he’ll have the time to do it. My husband tried fixing it Monday night and when that didn’t work he said he has to do it manually. I don’t know anything about this stuff but that doesn’t sound good. He told me that this virus is especially a pain because it blocks the windows that he tries to open so he can fix my laptop.

~~~

On Monday night while I was upstairs trying to find out what was wrong with my laptop, my daughter and husband were downstairs and it was nearing her bedtime. He likes to put her to bed since he’s gone at work all day. We have four baby gates throughout our house. One is at the bottom of the stairs, another is at the top, one is in the doorway of the living room, and one is between the kitchen and dining room.

I heard the little hummingbird climbing up the stairs and just assumed my husband was with her. Expect for a few times whoopsie, we’re really good at making sure the gates are closed tight. But our cat can be a real pain about wanting through the gates so if we’re in the living room with the gate closed, we’ll leave the bottom stairs gate open so we don’t have to hear our cat pawing at that gate while doing her awful MEOWRRR.

To my horror, I heard my hubby in the kitchen and realized my daughter was going up the stairs alone. Fuck! Before I had a chance to get to my daughter, I heard her falling down the stairs. Her cry will forever be burned into my brain. I ran out of the bedroom, saw her lying on the landing of the stairs, and I lost it.

My husband got to her first and picked her up but I took her from him, looked her over to make sure she was okay, and gave her millions of bear hugs and kisses. I know my hubby is perfectly capable of consoling her and I feel bad that I did that but when she’s hurt, I have this uncontrollable urge to take her in my arms and never let her go.

She was fine and calmed down shortly after but I feel awful. It was such a major mommy FAIL. I feel so guilty that I just assumed my hubby was with her as she was climbing the stairs. Of course that’s what they do every night; he walks upstairs with her for bed.

I also don’t know if one of us forgot to close the gate downstairs or if she figured out how to open it. After opening and closing them for a time, they loosen up and don’t always close all the way.

So that is what has been going on. My laptop is melting, I’ve been having a hard time writing, and I suck at being a mom. I really hope next week is much better.

~~~

I didn’t have any plans to watch the Grammys but ended up catching some of it. I’m glad I did because otherwise I wouldn’t have heard of Mumford & Sons. I used to be so on top of music and would spend my days listening to bands like Pearl Jam, Sublime, and Nine Inch Nails. Now I spend my days listening to Elmo and The Wiggles please help.

Mumford & Sons – The Cave

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9 Responses to Ugh.

  1. Mrstessyman February 16, 2011 at 00:25 #

    Oh honey you are not a bad mum!! These things happen, they happen to everyone (even if they will not admit it), it’s not the fact that they happen it’s the way you deal with these situations and that you learn from them.

    E.g. I have learned never to trust the kids on my bed as they *will* fall off no matter how old they are! Ok that’s a moot point now as we currently have a mattress on the floor – yep we need a new bed but it’s so convenient because then it doesnt matter if the kids fall out of bed as there is no where to go!

  2. Jayne February 16, 2011 at 01:59 #

    Don’t you make me come over there and slap some sense into you, because I will do it, and I’m pretty tough for a chick, you know!

    You are not, I repeat NOT, a bad mother. EVERY child has mishaps. The fact that BOTH OF YOU thought she was safely away from the stairs goes to show how easy it is for these things to happen, and it certainly doesn’t make you a bad Mum.

    Once, Sausage was jumping on our sofa, and despite the fact that Husband and I were both standing next to her, she still managed to over-jump and land on her head, on the floor. Doesn’t that make us bad parents? No, it just means that you can’t always get to them in time to cushion every fall.

    Please don’t beat yourself up about it, Hummingbird is fine, she’s probably forgotten all about it, and more horrifyingly, would do the same thing all over again! That’s the thing about kids, they’re resilliant. The other thing about them is that they don’t know about blame. Do you think that she’d be thinking “This was all because I have a terrible Mummy!” if she were able?

    Nope.

    Anyway, sorry for the long reply, I just hate to think of you making yourself feel bad.

  3. KLZ February 16, 2011 at 11:09 #

    You there! Stop that at once!

    I’ve got your attention now don’t I?

    You’re not a bad mom. We are creatures of habit – you made an assumption based on the habits that happen at your house every night. Stop telling yourself you’re a bad mom. It doesn’t do you any good and it’s simply not true. I don’t know a single child, anywhere, who has never taken a tumble. It happens all the time. Honest. You’re doing great.

  4. Mandi February 17, 2011 at 17:22 #

    I remember when my little one fell out of her high chair.

    Probably less than 6 months old, we didn’t strap her in, just pushed the tray up really tight…. apparently forgot that time, went to the laundry room to get something and THUD.

    I felt like the WORST mom in the whole entire world!! Walking back in the kitchen and seeing her laying on the ground, horrible I tell you! You aren’t alone 😉 and most certainly not a bad mom. But you knew that!!

  5. themomsmith February 19, 2011 at 21:28 #

    Just never tell her this story or else when she is older she will say “Hey, remember that time you let me fall down the stairs? Yeah. That hurt. Can I have $20? And can you go downstairs and get my iPod for me? My back hurts. From that fall I took when I was 2. You remember that, don’t you?”

    Trust me on this.

    • Elle February 20, 2011 at 00:24 #

      Hmmm. It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever told your daughter these kinds of things before…..Not! 😉

      I’ll have to remember to keep my mouth shut but if it ever slips out, I’ll put all of the blame on my husband since I’m such an awesome wife.

  6. Elle February 20, 2011 at 00:31 #

    Thank you all for making me feel much better. Well, at least until the next woopsie happens which unfortunately I know will. I don’t know how our parents survived but at least I know they did. 🙂

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention Ugh. | This Is Mommyhood -- Topsy.com - February 16, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Elle, Elle. Elle said: New Post. Ugh! http://wp.me/pYMET-1AF […]

  2. If I had balls, they’d be hurting right now. | This Is Mommyhood - February 21, 2012

    […] 3 pound weight so we’re even. But I’m taking advice from The Momsmith after an earlier mishap and will never tell my daughter about it when she gets older since she’ll use it against me. […]

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