Dear pain in the arse gopher who’s digging up our backyard…

You think you’re so funny, don’t you, gopher? When we moved into our house in September, we wondered why there wasn’t any grass in the backyard.

My husband spent weeks planting really pretty flowers and grass. He even put a gopher-be-gone thingamajig in the yard which made our cat go nuts.

Finally, the yard was perfect and then your punk ass had to mess it up. You’ve dug millions of holes in the yard and you mock us by popping your punk ass gopher head out of one of them, right by the gopher-be-gone thingamajig.

Note to self: I really need to ask the hubby what that thing’s called.

My husband has even caught you on camera, red pawed. I’m going to send the footage to Chris Hanson from To Catch A Predator and when you’re in the chat rooms, you’ll start talking to someone named hotgopher16.

Obviously, I can tell you my plan since you’re just a gopher who spends his days making sink holes in our once awesome backyard.

You’ll be chatting with hotgopher16 but you’ll have no idea that it’s really some 45 year old man with a hairy back.

Come to think of it, you probably like hairy backs.

Then hotgopher16 will want to meet in person and you’ll oblige since all you want to do is make sure she’s okay and “talk” to her about why she shouldn’t associate with strange and much older gophers on the internet.

That’s why you’ll bring over a 6 pack of wine coolers, so you can “talk” uh huh, yeah right. But then that Chris Hanson guy will bust your punk ass gopher butt.

I’m counting down the days you pain in the ass gopher….

Elle x

*Blog of the week: Snappy Surprise. I recently started reading this blog and think it’s hilarious. Check out this post.

**Make sure to check out this Peeps post from Anne Nahm.

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6 Responses to Dear pain in the arse gopher who’s digging up our backyard…

  1. Sharen March 15, 2011 at 05:36 #

    Put some chewed gum in the gopher hole. They will eat it, but they can’t digest it. Should take care of the issue…

    • Elle March 17, 2011 at 19:12 #

      I’ll have to try that one.

  2. Sarah Kamm March 15, 2011 at 15:11 #

    Why am I suddenly picturing you as Bill Murray? Now I have a sudden urge to watch Caddy Shack. Hope your gopher moves on soon.

    • Elle March 17, 2011 at 19:08 #

      Haha! I want to see that movie now too.

  3. Marianna Annadanna March 15, 2011 at 17:34 #

    Has Chris Hanson agreed to this? If so, he’s way cooler than I thought.

    PS- thanks for the shout-out!

    • Elle March 17, 2011 at 19:11 #

      Chris Hanson hasn’t got back to me yet but I don’t see how he could possibly pass up busting a pain in the ass gopher. That would be ratings gold! 😉

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