You think you’re so funny, don’t you, gopher? When we moved into our house in September, we wondered why there wasn’t any grass in the backyard.
My husband spent weeks planting really pretty flowers and grass. He even put a gopher-be-gone thingamajig in the yard which made our cat go nuts.
Finally, the yard was perfect and then your punk ass had to mess it up. You’ve dug millions of holes in the yard and you mock us by popping your punk ass gopher head out of one of them, right by the gopher-be-gone thingamajig.
Note to self: I really need to ask the hubby what that thing’s called.
My husband has even caught you on camera, red pawed. I’m going to send the footage to Chris Hanson from To Catch A Predator and when you’re in the chat rooms, you’ll start talking to someone named hotgopher16.
Obviously, I can tell you my plan since you’re just a gopher who spends his days making sink holes in our once awesome backyard.
You’ll be chatting with hotgopher16 but you’ll have no idea that it’s really some 45 year old man with a hairy back.
Come to think of it, you probably like hairy backs.
Then hotgopher16 will want to meet in person and you’ll oblige since all you want to do is make sure she’s okay and “talk” to her about why she shouldn’t associate with strange and much older gophers on the internet.
That’s why you’ll bring over a 6 pack of wine coolers, so you can “talk”
uh huh, yeah right. But then that Chris Hanson guy will bust your punk ass gopher butt.
I’m counting down the days you pain in the ass gopher….