On the bright side, I didn’t kill anyone. Woo Hoo!

My in-laws were here from Friday-Sunday night and I didn’t kill them. Yay me! My father-in-law spent hours throughout the weekend talking about the weather. And it wasn’t just what the weather is like here or where they live.

He was talking about what the weather was like for practically every freaking state. He even informed us about the weather advisories for Yosemite National Park and went into detail of the evacuation routes they had. ???

On Sunday morning I was so done with my MIL. I put up with her insulting comments for the first 2 days but after that, whenever she would open her mouth, I wanted to karate chop her face off.

The in-laws gave our little girl an early birthday present and while we watched her play, my MIL asked my hubby when he was setting up the aquarium. My husband has always had an aquarium set up since I’ve known him.

When we moved into our current house he wanted to wait until the little hummingbird was older so we wouldn’t have to block the aquarium off to prevent her from banging on it.

So when my MIL mentioned an aquarium I thought oh no, they got our daughter one without asking first. I think I’ll end up in the Guinness Book Of World Records from all the times I’m writing ‘aquarium’ in this post.

Quick sidenote. My husband, well it seems like most men, has selective hearing as it is but when my in-laws come, my hubby seems to not hear most of the shite that my MIL says. Not all but most.

I asked no one in particular “What aquarium?” That’s when my MIL pissed me off and started talking to me really slow like I was some idiot. She said “Don’t you know what. an. A-QUAR-I-UM is? An A-QUAR-I-UM is what. people. put. fish. in.

And then I karate chopped her face in half. In my dreams. She spent the rest of the day talking to me realllly sloooow even though I kept my mouth shut. I took my husband aside and was like wtf is going on but he told me that he didn’t know what I meant. When I told him what she was doing he still didn’t know what I was talking about.

He becomes kind of like a pod person from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers when his parents are here.

My husband and I made a huge mistake by watching a movie with the in-laws. We know how bad they are when it comes to movies since they don’t seem to understand suspension of disbelief but we get so desperate and try to distract them with something.

I picked Funny Farm with Chevy Chase. Not only did I feel like going to one (so I found it fitting), it’s also one of my “comfort food” movies that makes me feel better.

My in-laws massacred that movie within a few minutes. For those who haven’t seen it, a couple moves out of the city to a country home so the guy can write his novel and things go awry.

At the beginning they show C.C. and his wife driving out of the city. This is what my MIL and FIL were like during the WHOLE movie. In-laws: “What city is that? Is it New York City? Maybe it’s Chicago. That building looks familiar. It could be NYC but I’m not sure.” Me: “It’s New York City.” MIL: No, it must be Chicago.

In-laws: “Why are they moving? Where are they moving to? What kind of car is that? I think it’s a blah blah. Why do they have such a small car while moving? You can’t fit anything into that car. That’s not realistic.”

Me: *head explodes*

This recent visit was more exhausting than the others because of the way I’ve been feeling. They said and did so much more that had me feeling stabby but instead of dwelling on it, I rather pretend that I spent a wild weekend with Mark Ruffalo and Timothy Olyphant, somewhere tropical. Ooh La La.

*Update. There’s something else I wanted to add before I stop dwelling on this. 😉 My MIL nagged me the whole time about my daughter not wearing socks. The little hummingbird is 23 months old and she’s always taking off her clothes. When it comes to keeping socks on her, it’s impossible.

What got me though was my MIL only nagged me and not my husband about it. In fact my hubby brought up how whenever we go anywhere, by the time we get there, our daughter’s shoes and socks will be off.

The hummingbird does put one sock back on….her hand. My mother-in-law was telling my hubby that’s just how kids are. But then later on she would go up to my daughter, feel her feet, and tell me she can’t believe how I let her go without socks. *facepalm*

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16 Responses to On the bright side, I didn’t kill anyone. Woo Hoo!

  1. Sam March 22, 2011 at 00:24 #

    So??? I wanna know about the aquarium! And your FIL does sound Aspie-like. I think I’m allowed to say that as my husband is an Aspie. (In case anyone wants to be offended)

    • Elle March 22, 2011 at 13:08 #

      My hubby and I have no idea why my MIL asked about the aquarium out of the blue. After she said what she did, instead of flying across the living room and strangling her, I went upstairs and took an ativan. 😉

      As far as my FIL, anything’s possible and I’ve spent years trying to figure out what the deal is with him. My husband craves affection but I’ve found the rest of his family is emotionally and physically distant.

      Over the years I’ve seen that the relatives on his dad’s side are very similar to my FIL. It seems that he just loves to hear himself talk and will go on about anything as long as he’s center stage and it’s not something personal.

    • AJ March 22, 2011 at 18:44 #

      I’ve been thinking that same thing about your FIL and my DD is aspie.

  2. Mcai7td3 March 22, 2011 at 00:53 #

    Haahaa I love your karate chopping, complete in uniform. I think hubbys just want a quiet life from even their own parents sometimes! Bet he’s wiped his memory 

    • Elle March 23, 2011 at 19:45 #

      It seems like he does wipe his memory. 🙂

  3. Maile March 22, 2011 at 09:56 #

    I commend you on your self control. I would have yelled at your MIL and told her to get the eff out of my house…

    My grandmother is a lot like that and after years of dealing with her stupid comments I totally blew up at her and yelled at my mom for making me put up with it (she invited herself to my baby shower and my college graduation even though she lives out of state and I had invited my grandfather and his new wife because they live in santa rosa)

    • Elle March 23, 2011 at 19:48 #

      I think one of these days I will blow up at my MIL. I do hope to get the nerve someday to at least sit her down and try to be civil, tell her that I don’t appreciate being talked down to. If that doesn’t work, then a karate chop to her face. 😉

  4. Gumbygirl March 22, 2011 at 19:10 #

    I can so relate to the MIL issues you have. My MIL constantly criticizes me as a mom, how clean the house is,what I am cookin,how I raise my children and the list goes on….. My husband also seems to be hearing impaired when his mother is anywhere near. I have to endure her for an entire week this summer when my oldest daughter graduates from high school. Your karate chopping to the face visual will help me get through I hope…. Perhaps a prescription of Valium might help as well. Lol.

  5. Gumbygirl March 22, 2011 at 19:14 #

    Just to add to the visual of how awful she is for my 30th birthday she gave me wrinkle cream. That only after I opened it did she tell me. “I tried it but didn’t really like it so I decided to give it to you”. Used wrinkle cream on a milestone birthday. Way to make a girl feel good. The husband said nothing. Big surprise 🙂

    • Elle March 23, 2011 at 19:50 #

      That is so low! I wish our husbands did say something. I know that if we did, our MIL’s would have more of an excuse to be the way they are.

  6. Lisa March 23, 2011 at 06:27 #

    Oh my! We have similar issues with my FIL. Thank goodness you did not watch Baby Boom with them…because if they messed with that movie, I would come over there and karate chop their heads for you.

    Thanks for stopping by. I’m looking forward to following your “adventures.”

    • Elle March 23, 2011 at 19:53 #

      Baby Boom is among my list of “comfort food” movies, I love it! I can only imagine how much my in-laws would rip it to shreds.

  7. Elle P. March 23, 2011 at 19:27 #

    I am in my early-ish thirties and allegedly part of the “Me Generation” but honestly, I think it’s our parents. My mom and fil do the very same things. They drone on and on and on about themselves or even more boring subjects. Even when we try to introduce a new subject or distract them with something, they go right back to the droning.

    They make me want to rip my own arm off just so I can throw it at them.

    • Elle March 23, 2011 at 20:01 #

      I got lucky with my mom since we really relate to each other and I know my hubby loves her. She isn’t the typical MIL to him so that makes it much more frustrating when his parents visit. I always think this time will be different when they come but it never is.

      Once you throw your arm at your in-laws, can I borrow it for mine? 😉

      • Elle P. March 24, 2011 at 10:15 #

        My real trick? Expect/imagine the absolute worst possible visit, before they arrive. Then, when it’s 3% better than that, you’ll be pleasantly surprised! 🙂

  8. Jesse March 25, 2011 at 08:12 #

    Your in-law posts are hysterical – it makes me feel so much better about my situation. My in-laws, especially MIL (obviously!) are a complete nightmare. the sneaky rude comments, criticism, etc etc they have no respect for my husband every time he tells them to back off & butt out – so finally I just exploded on them. I have to say it was the best feeling in the world – I might have been a bit harsh, but they had it coming for a long time & deserved every word of it; they haven’t bothered us since – going on 3 months of pure bliss!

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