There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel, dammit.

*The electricity went out while I was writing this and while ‘autosave’ kept a small part, I had to rewrite most of it. I think the universe is telling me not to post more whining.

I’m getting to the stage now where this funk that has been funking me up is now pissing me off. For some reason I don’t like calling it depression, You can call it that, it doesn’t bother me, but I just prefer to say I’m in a funk. Or I’m feeling funked, just replace the n with a c.

I don’t have a problem with going to a therapist but I DREAD having to find one. Making that phone call puts me in such a panic. And then when I go, I have no idea what this person is going to be like and if I don’t mesh with them, it’s beyond frustrating. When it comes to things like this, I prefer, rather require, that it’s a female therapist.

Since my primary doctor refuses to prescribe any type of meds, I really like the idea that someone suggested (you know who you are and I thank you) of just going to a psychiatrist for medication but seeing a psychologist for therapy. I just have to wait for my pain in the ass insurance to decide if they’ll approve that.

One thing I found is that it’s been impossible to find a woman psychiatrist. There are only 2 in my entire area, that my insurance approves, and both aren’t currently accepting patients.

Another thing that is so frustrating is while my hubby is supportive, he doesn’t understand this AT ALL. He basically has the Tom Cruise way of thinking when it comes to being in a funk. Just take vitamins and exercise. I know exercise can help but my hubby also thinks I’ll just wake up in a few days and be over this funk.

I’m not claiming to be a relationship expert but after 16 years with my husband, I think when it comes to guys, they like to solve problems and when they can’t, they’re not sure what to do or how to handle it so they become buttheads. I know not all men are like this, just some well maybe all at one point or another.

But we haven’t killed each other yet so there’s that. heh.

During times like this chocolate is mandatory, scratch that, chocolate is always a must, and I love to watch my “comfort food” movies and shows. That reminds me, the movie Funny Farm was on last night and it was so nice to watch it without comments from my in-laws. Yay!

More but not all of my in a funk necessities; Movies: Working Girl, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Clueless, Lost In Translation, Pacific Heights, Sweet Home Alabama, Hush (this movie is so bad, it’s funny), Good Will Hunting. Television: Sex & The City, Real Housewives of OC, Dexter, Lost.

I have some of these on my DVR, others on dvd, so when I get a chance, I’ll catch a few minutes. Or I’ll drive my husband crazy and watch them when the little hummingbird is finally asleep at night.

I also like depressing things that for some reason make me feel better, like Six Feet Under. Last night I watched the movie Candy (which I’ve seen before) with Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish. The movie is really depressing and gets me crying at a certain point in the film (I definitely wouldn’t recommend it for anyone else in a funk) but it helps to just let it out and have a good cry.

Music is also a must but if it’s not The Wiggles or Elmo, I’m out of luck. Thank gawd for my iPod. I’ll tell my hubby that I need to shave my legs or wash my face and lock myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes so I can have some music therapy. With all of this “face washing”, I’m surprised my hubby hasn’t asked how it’s possible there’s any skin left.

I had some videos I wanted to put up (Nine Inch Nails, Pearl Jam, Sublime, & Def Leppard) but I couldn’t embed them. Not the guys in the bands, the videos. Hardy har har. So here’s one of my favorite musician’s, Andrew Bird. I’ve had both of these videos up on my site before and I’m starting to think they’re the only ones I’ll be allowed to play.

Andrew Bird – Anonanimal

How about a little Kevin Bacon (and his body double) booty shakin’. Every time I see this I want to go and find a warehouse where I can dance my butt off. Knowing my luck, if I found one I’d probably come across a nest of zombies.

 

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3 Responses to There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel, dammit.

  1. Wombat Central March 27, 2011 at 18:10 #

    Have you ever done Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? You might want to consider finding a CBT practitioner (psychologist) to complement the psychiatrist. If you find a good one, they can help you to “retrain” the way your brain perceives things that happen around you. I highly recommend it.

    • Elle March 27, 2011 at 18:33 #

      I’ve done Cognitive therapy and the therapist I had at the time even taught me some meditative techniques and it helped. My insurance might make it a battle to see both though but I’m willing to put up a fight. We have military insurance and they just rather give you a pill and be done with it so I don’t know if they’ll also approve the psychologist I want to see.

      It would make it so much easier if my primary doctor could just prescribe the medication. I want to pull my hair out because I had this same doctor about 4 years ago when we lived here before and back then he had no problem prescribing anti-anxiety meds & antidepressants.

  2. multitaskingmumma March 28, 2011 at 08:46 #

    I can completely relate!
    I suffer from PPD and some days didn’t want to get out of bed.
    My husband thought all I needed was “fresh air”
    This will pass, you will get better.
    With support!
    With a therapist.
    With understanding.

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