It’s that time again for Fadra’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday. I have 5 minutes to write and have to post this without proofreading or spellchecking. And go!
I’ve been having the hardest time with this and surprisingly haven’t said a lot about it on my blog. Unless things fall through like they did in December, I’ll be seeing my biological father aka sperm donor in a month. He really doesn’t deserve the title of father.
My mom left him before I was a year old and I didn’t meet him until I was 9. His call was completely out of the blue.
He called my maternal grandfather first who then called me. I’ll never forget that night. I was watching E/R with George Clooney. It wasn’t the ER that spent years on air but was a thirty minute comedy that obviously didn’t last long.
My mom had already married my stepdad at that point but I was so excited that I would finally be meeting my father. While he seemed to attempt be one at first, there was so much drama and when I decided to move to Los Angeles to live with him a few years later, all hell broke loose.
The last time I saw him was 19 years ago and for good reason.
My biological dad has schizophrenia and a lot of other issues. The biggest problem is that he always stops his meds, starts drinking, and his nose turns into a hoover vaccuum. Sometimes these episodes end with someone having to call the cops and having him placed in a psychiatric ward.
Then he promises that he’s going to stay on track but he always goes through the same cycle. I saw so much at such a young age. Not only that, my (now former) stepmother was just as unstable as he was.
He’s not coming just to see me in June. His girlfriend’s parents live nearby so I know I could easily not see my “sperm donor” when he comes to visit but I’m hoping it will bring some kind of closure.
While my husband is going along with this, he’s not at all happy about meeting my bio dad or even having me be around him. He knows everything that went on when I was living with him. The psychotic episodes, the drugs, the violence. So I don’t blame him but I have to do this although I’m f’ing terrified.
Want to try Stream Of Conciousness Sunday?
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post below.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.