*When I wrote this yesterday, I was feeling frustrated. I was actually writing something else but ended up with this post because I needed to vent. It’s not like my husband and I are at odds 24/7 but as you know, when you’re in a relationship, that person can get on your damn nerves. :^) I spellchecked the post but I only glanced at what I wrote, otherwise I wouldn’t have hit publish.
Before we had our daughter, I used to think I would be the softie and my husband would be the disciplinarian. I know the universe is laughing at me now as well as the younger me inside my head, which oddly has the Ha Ha laugh of Nelson from The Simpsons, because I have to be the hard ass parent and it sucks.
Since I overshare, my hubby and I are kind of driving each other crazy lately. He still doesn’t understand what I’m going through with this bout of depression I’ve been having and doesn’t even try to understand. I guess you could say we’re going through some growing pains right now but without Boner.
Not my hubby’s boner, I don’t overshare that much although I easily could, but Boner from that 80’s show Growing Pains. Really?! producers and writing people for that show? What the hell were you people thinking when it came to naming that dude Boner? My best friend at the time had a huge crush on Kirk Cameron and I went along with it but I was majorly crushing on Johnny Depp and I still do to this day. But he’s gotten just a tad odd for me and that’s why Mark Ruffalo has kindly stepped in to take his place.
Growing pains, yeah, my hubby and I are going through them
but his boner is fine thank you very much. We met about 2 weeks after I turned 20, married 5-ish months later and our 16 year wedding anniversary is coming up in July. If you’re doing the math, do bad math so then you can figure my age to be about 26.
Marriage is fucking hard at times. I’m happy for the couples who skip around arm in arm, are so in love all the time, and say everything is fan-fucking-tastic but I know marriage can be something you have to work at.
When our daughter was born there’s no doubt my husband and I became closer than ever but at the same time it can get harder because it’s so easy to lose yourself in your child and put your relationship on the back burner.
Yes, I love being a stay at home mom and my husband is awesome but that doesn’t mean I don’t go batshit crazy sometimes. When my husband is home from work on the weekends, our house can be chaotic.
He gets up with the hummingbird on the weekends so I can sleep in although this right here is me sleeping in. My hubby gets up really early during the week so he considers waking up at 7 am sleeping in.
He usually takes the hummingbird out in the morning and when I walk downstairs and see the tornado size mess that’s been made, I feel like a Southern Belle in a tight corset during a heat wave that just found out her husband has been cheating on her with her sister.
Translation: I feel faint, my knees are wobbly, and I want to run my hubby over with a horse-drawn carriage.
His excuse for all of the messiness is he’s so occupied with our little girl so he doesn’t have time to pick things up. Um, I do it all the time. Our house isn’t sparkly clean but even though I have little time with a toddler, I still manage to pick up.
A few weeks ago the little hummingbird was eating string cheese and she took too big of a bite. She wasn’t choking but my hubby took his finger and knocked some of the cheese out of her mouth which landed on the couch and then walked away leaving slobbery cheese on the couch which I had to pick up. Ugh!
When I was pregnant, my hubby and I would talk about the big issues when it came to raising our daughter. What we didn’t even think of at the time were the small daily issues that can come up. Most of the issues are food related.
I’ve actually had to tell my husband that giving the hummingbird Flipside crackers and cashews is not considered dinner. That was one of his dinner choices for her when I was having a migraine and was upstairs in bed. Gah!
The most common dilemma we have is he doesn’t think that she needs to have her food cut up. I have to remind him that she’s not some wild dog
despite her acting like one at times and because the last thing you’d want to do it give a 2-year-old a knife, we have to cut her food up for her. I know it sounds so dumb but it can be frustrating as hell to always be reminding him of this stuff.
My hubby loves our daughter to bits and is very hands on so when it comes to dinner and since he’s been gone all day, he likes to take over and I try to keep my mouth shut but when he gives her food that’s almost as big as her head, like half a Belgian waffle, but doesn’t cut it up, I have to step in which ends up annoying him.
My daughter has been using a fork for quite awhile so she gives us this look like “hello, how do you think I’m going to eat this ginormous thing?” The hubby thinks she can just pick it up with her hands but I’ll mention that she’s capable of using utensils and Omg, I know I’m totally boring you right now.
We go through this several times a week and I know that there’s a solution. He just needs to listen to me. Problem solved. Heh.
There are times when I feel like Mommie Dearest but not the house of horrors version. I have to be stern and discipline my little girl because my hubby is mostly afraid to. His response is usually “But she likes doing this.”
When it comes to her behavior, I’m thinking of the long term so that’s why I like to try and change it now instead of having it become a bigger problem later on. It doesn’t help that the hummingbird is a daddy’s girl so I end up feeling like the bad guy.
My daughter has been showing that she wants and needs me more and that’s helped with my confidence as a mom because before, I would always question my mommy capabilities since she would always want her dad. It would make me feel like I was doing everything wrong. I can still feel that way but it’s gotten better.
I think she acts this way because I’m there for her all the time but my hubby isn’t so when he’s home, it’s all about daddy. I hate to admit it, okay not really, but I love to hear the hummingbird call out MAAMEEEE when my hubby is with her and I’m in another room.
When I was
whining and complaining talking to my mom recently, I was going on about how during the week there are times I feel overwhelmed when it comes to dealing with the little hummingbird’s tantrums and meltdowns, keeping the house from becoming a disaster zone, keeping my daughter in one piece, and on and on.
Then I was saying how my hubby seems to think it’s easy peasy when he’s home and looking after our little girl and my mom pointed out it’s probably because he lets her do whatever she wants. It was an aha moment for me.
My mom was telling me that I’m basically raising my daughter the way she raised me and that gave me such a lift. With the exception of my angsty pre-teen and teen years, I felt that my mom was pretty balanced when it came to discipline and although it would embarrass me when I would spend the night at a friend’s house and she would have to speak to their parents beforehand and get their phone number & address if she didn’t have it already, now I completely understand why she did that.
When it comes to the little hummingbird, I’ll probably take her friends fingerprints and run background checks.
When I was younger I thought it was so cool and was envious when I had friends whose moms let them do whatever they wanted but now I really appreciate that my mom was a parent to me and set boundaries.
So while my husband will probably be the cool and laid back parent in our daughter’s eyes, I hope that when she’s older she understands that the reason I did what I did is because I love her so much.