I had a temporary moment of insanity and invited my in-laws to visit.

I totally blame the migraine meds I was on when I invited them to visit.

I was having a migraine and when I take the medication, it makes me loopy and sleepy but I also have another one I take for nausea since I’m a strober (is that even a word? let’s just say it is.) so it’s like having my own personal rave on the side of my right eye and it makes me really nauseous.

Apparently my right eye hasn’t caught up with the times so it doesn’t know that raves aren’t cool anymore or maybe they are but it just shows how uncool I am. I went to several raves when I was younger but it probably doesn’t count because when I say I went to several raves what I really mean is I was watching the movie Go.

When I take the two meds together, I want to go around hugging everyone while singing Pat Benatar’s We Belong at the top of my lungs. Too bad Timothy Olyphant doesn’t come looking for me because I ripped him off like in the movie. *sad face*

To make a short story really fucking long, when I take my migraine meds, it makes me feel like I’m back in high school when my boyfriend and I would leave campus for lunch break and walk across the street to uh, ahem, have a little herbal refreshment. I had English class after lunch and my English teacher would always like us to read everything out loud in front of the class.

I always effing hated that or when on the first day of class the teacher would make you stand up, introduce yourself, and either say what you hope to get out of the class duh, an A, or make you say five things about yourself.

Whenever my English teacher would be looking at my classmates to decide on who to pick to read aloud, I would always slide down in my seat because obviously that makes you invisible. She never seemed to call on me unless it was on the days my boyfriend and I would enjoy something herbal and it wasn’t that often we did. You’re probably thinking yeah right but really we didn’t because we broke up and he pulled a dick move.

He was being an ass and I tried to break up with him but he wrote me love letters where he would apologize for his asshole behavior and would tell me how he can’t imagine living without me. He even had his best friend talk to me, so I got back together with him. Then two days later that asshole broke up with me in a letter he had one of his friends give me. His best friend that told me to take him back. Asshole. Both of them. Of course we’re (the ex-boyfriend) Facebook friends now. Damn Facebook.

Anyway, the times my English teacher had me read aloud and I was um, having an herbal moment, I would be reading and then think oh shit I think I’m reading too slow or too fast and then words would just sound really funny to me so I would start giggling. Yeah. I think she let it slide since I was a good student, at least when it came to English and writing but don’t ever ask me to do a math problem because I’ll cut you. One day when I was extra giggly, she asked me to stay after class for a minute.

I was in a state of mind where I wasn’t too worried and was preoccupied with having the munchies but started getting a little nervous and that’s when she asked me if I had been drinking. I was able to look at her and honestly say No, of course not.

Flash forward to the present, Lost style.

As I was laying in bed feeling like I was going to die, the meds started kicking in and that’s when I had the most genius idea ever.

I thought to myself, I haven’t seen the in-laws in over 2 months and they really should come to visit. As much as my in-laws drive me insane, I would never keep them from seeing their son and the little hummingbird. Dammit. So I put up with my MIL talking to me like I’m stupid and being insulting and then share it all for your enjoyment. Your welcome.

Before I had more time to think this insanity over, I went downstairs to tell my hubby that he should ask his parents to visit and as soon as I said it, I thought m$@#^% f&*%!@! Oh, and just so you know, I gave up on calling them since last summer because it’s too freaking weird.

You can’t just call them up and say hey, how’s it going. Both my MIL and FIL have to be on the phone when you talk to them and if one isn’t home, you have to call back. There have been times I’ve called and have been able to just talk to my MIL but that’s only when I knew my FIL was at work but the same doesn’t apply to my hubby so he isn’t able to talk to them separately. Also, they both write notes when you’re talking to them and will stop you and reread something back or ask you how to spell something if they don’t know it and sometimes you can hear them writing or flipping through their notes. *enter Twilight Zone music*

I can understand having to write something down because I get mommy brain and can easily forget but I’ve seen their phone notes and they each have several folders of this stuff. They do outlines of conversations like they were listening to someone give a lecture.

The students where my hubby teaches have a 5 week break and when he told me, I assumed he had a break too. Then my hubby told me that he doesn’t have any time off, it’s just the students, and to that I say boooo! But he does have a little more flexibility in his schedule and that’s why I thought it would be a good time for his parents to visit since they suck the life out of us so at least my hubby would be able to take a day off if he needed to.

But then I realized I had an easy out.

The in-laws are going on a two-week cruise in another country. I won’t say where but it rhythms with Germany my sincere apologies to the Germans. If you see a man talking non-stop about trees and a woman trying to add to her already enormous collection of live turtles, that’s them.

The cruise got delayed so by the time they get back, there will be less than a week left of my hubby’s flexible schedule. They’re also going to a cousin’s daughter’s wedding right after the cruise to irritate them and since they’ll be exhausted, they’re going to wait and visit us later on. When? I don’t know but I’m sure it will be at a really inconvenient time.

What am I saying?! When they visit, it’s always inconvenient.

My in-laws going to a wedding of people they have little contact with made me think of how they invited themselves to my younger sister’s wedding. This is also what sets off my sweet mom and gets her feeling stabby whenever she thinks about it because even though she heard several stories about the way my MIL treats me, my mom never actually saw it for herself until my sister’s wedding.

I know this post is practically a novel already so I will post about that in a few days. Stay tuned….

*Update. Due to the crazy ass effed up things that have happened this week, which you’ll know about soon enough, I’ll get my sister’s wedding post finished by the beginning of next week. Sowwy!

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16 Responses to I had a temporary moment of insanity and invited my in-laws to visit.

  1. Fête Foreign June 6, 2011 at 07:23 #

    Write the novel . . .so funny. Just yesterday the Mr. had his own mother on the phone and she gave him one of those pat on the backs that wasn’t–one of those that’s actually a cut-down in disguise. Anyhow, we spent the rest of the evening using her words to joke about it. Tis the season!

    • Elle June 6, 2011 at 17:57 #

      Your hubby’s mom sounds like she would get along great with my MIL. Falalalala. 🙂

  2. LittleMissS June 6, 2011 at 09:46 #

    Just clicked over to your blog from The Bloggess…and loving what I’m reading! Can’t wait to check out your archives! Funny stuff!

    • Elle June 6, 2011 at 17:59 #

      Thanks! Just don’t read the really early stuff, or the stuff I wrote last week, or from a few months ago…. 😉

  3. Sharyn June 6, 2011 at 11:59 #

    Did Roseanne Roseannadanna write this for you? Be honest.

    • Elle June 6, 2011 at 18:01 #

      I’m not at liberty to say. hehe

  4. Marianna Annadanna June 6, 2011 at 14:21 #

    Wow! Ordeal! When you said herbal refreshment it took me a few minutes to figure out that you didn’t mean sex. No, I don’t know why.

    • Elle June 6, 2011 at 18:06 #

      Lol! I was thinking it might sound like that. I just didn’t want to say what I was really doing because I already have enough weirdos that find my site by looking up crazy shit. Then again, I’m the one who writes it. 🙂

    • Elle P. June 8, 2011 at 19:02 #

      OMG, I thought herbal refreshment meant sex too at first! Almost anything can sound dirty- to quote Friends, the show that will never die- “Grandma’s chicken salad…

      And really? With the turtles? I don’t get it. These are LIVE turtles? Where does she keep them?

      • Elle June 8, 2011 at 19:44 #

        Love Friends and “Grandma’s chicken salad” does sound pretty pervy. 😉

        My MIL keeps her baby turtles in the house and the rest are in wooden pens in the backyard. The in-laws are having to set up more wooden pens since she won’t stop adding to her (over 100) turtle collection. It might be closer to 200 by now.

        They have a decent sized backyard but I could see her running out of room, selling their house, and buying one with a bigger backyard to have more room for all those turtles. Sheesh!

  5. Sam June 6, 2011 at 18:50 #

    Your in-laws are awesome blog fodder.

    • Elle June 7, 2011 at 09:36 #

      That they are. 😉

  6. Thurieyyah June 7, 2011 at 06:03 #

    When will you ever learn!!! maybe give them some “herbal refreshment” filled muffins the next time they visit…HHAHAHAHA

    • Elle June 7, 2011 at 09:31 #

      Lol, you are brilliant!

  7. Alison June 9, 2011 at 21:45 #

    Clicked over from The Bloggess, because how can you NOT click over with a title like that? Anyway, I’m glad I did because this post had me laughing into my pillow so as not to wake the hubby.
    Also, I need to know what happened at the wedding.

  8. Mcai7td3 June 12, 2011 at 19:12 #

    Heeeheeee I love your in laws (not in a “I want them” kind of way) but more in a I love reading about them. But I’m glad there’s a big ocean between us. (your in laws, not you :)) Can’t wait to read about your sisters wedding!!

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