If I knew cooking could be this fun, I would have been doing this a long time ago. And other ramblings.

I know I said I was going to post about my in-laws inviting themselves to my sister’s wedding but this isn’t it. That is almost finished but while I was writing it, life happened.

I hate to sound all cryptic but there’s something going on with my family and it’s all fucked up but I can’t really say what it is right now. It has nothing to do with me, the hubby, or the little hummingbird though.

I keep on thinking this depression I’m going through is getting better and then I’ll realize it’s not even close, especially since it’s not being treated because my asshole doctor is against using meds. Still trying to find a solution for it. I’m at the point where anything makes me cry. I could spill something, break a nail, anything.

So, now with this thing going on with someone in my family, I feel like if you were able to look inside my head, you would see that scene from the movie WarGames where Matthew Broderick sets off a missile strike when he stupidly thinks he’s only playing a video gameย on his computer, the people are running around like wtf, and there’s that blaring alarm.

If you were too young to see that movie or not even born yet, please, for the love of all things chocolate, don’t let me know.

Since I’m so wound up, I’ve been having almost daily panic attacks. Yay me! The other night when I was having one, I was on the computer trying to find something to distract me.

That’s when I came across My Drunk Kitchen. I’ve been trying to cook more often, here here and here, but it never crossed my mind to drink while cooking. I’m so disappointed and ashamed that I didn’t think of it sooner. sniff.

*Updated to add another awesome video.

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15 Responses to If I knew cooking could be this fun, I would have been doing this a long time ago. And other ramblings.

  1. themrs June 9, 2011 at 11:58 #

    this will help cheer you up! this guy writes these little exchanges between himself and his cat. the premise is that he taught his cat how to IM so they could communicate while he’s working. trust me, it’s freakin hilarious.


    next up, inappropriate iphone convos!


    and lastly, be glad you’re not friends with these folks…


    love ya ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Elle June 9, 2011 at 13:27 #

      I’ve seen failbook and it so funny but it’s been awhile so I’ll have to check up on what’s new with these friend fails. I’ll never forget one I saw that had a woman saying how lame her job was but she forgot she recently friended her boss. The boss saw it and fired her ass on FB. Ha! Damn you auto correct is really addicting. ๐Ÿ™‚ I can’t wait to see the cat video. lol.

      ETA: Finally had some time to see it and saw it wasn’t a video. Duh, me! ๐Ÿ˜‰ It was really funny, thanks!

  2. Jen {at} take2mommy June 9, 2011 at 12:39 #

    Hands down the funniest cooking video I’ve ever seen. Glad you found and shared!
    Sorry you are still experiencing depression. Your doc won’t give you meds, but what else could help did the doc say? I dunno, maybe getting out of the house for a regular relaxing activity like yoga?

    • Elle June 9, 2011 at 13:42 #

      My doctor isn’t being helpful at all so he didn’t even give me tips. I’ve been googling like mad to see what things I can do. I’ve tried different homeopathic remedies and have been exercising more and eating healthier in hopes that it would help but it hasn’t. As much as I didn’t want to take any meds since I don’t like the way they make me feel (I seem to get a lot of side effects) I know I’m at the point where I need to be on an anti-depressant because this has been building up for way too long.

      I can see a psychiatrist but the only providers in my area are swamped with patients and are all at the same practice. They will do a consultation and put you on medication if they deem it necessary but in order for them to handle and treat all of their patients, they need my primary doctor to monitor my progress and that of the medication which he refuses to do.

      I was telling someone else on here how crazy it is because last time my hubby and I lived where we are now, I had the same doc and he had no problem prescribing meds back then.

  3. Gumbygirl June 9, 2011 at 16:28 #

    That was Fricken Awesome!!!!!!

    • Elle June 11, 2011 at 16:09 #

      I’m so glad I found it. Instant mood booster! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Samantha June 9, 2011 at 19:05 #

    i can’t watch the video right now because of suck-ass hughes net….big sigh. but…..i just want to say….and believe me, this is coming from a place of wanting to help. i personally get annoyed when people try to give me advice and i haven’t asked for it, so i hope i don’t piss you off. but, i’ve struggled with depression for many years…on and off, but then when we lost our son i just went into a tailspin. i finally went on an antidepressant after about a year and after threats from my husband that he was going to take me to the hospital because i was just a complete wreck. i mean, i was in really horrible shape…crying every single night, unable to do even the simplest of tasks without getting upset. i was a disaster. so maybe i’m still a bit of a disaster, but i’m definitely better. i do think that the antidepressant i’m on helps. it certainly doesn’t cure anything or take away the truth of how shitty my circumstances have been. but, what it does do is just kind of make me a little more even-tempered and not fly off the handle in .2 seconds. but, all this is kind of a moot point since you have an effed up doctor that doesn’t know his ass from his elbow. soooo….i don’t know if this will help at all, but it has really helped me to find something that i absolutely love doing and just pour my heart and soul into it. about 15 months after our son died, i had a light bulb moment when i decided “i want to start a non-profit to help people who have lost babies and NICU parents”. i was so excited. i felt like i finally had something to do with myself and finally could serve a useful purpose. so i started looking into it, and starting a nonprofit is GD hard!!! so, i haven’t given up on that dream yet, but i’ve tweeked it just until i can win the lottery and have tons of extra cash. i’ve been volunteering at the ronald mcdonald house and i love it. i help out with my support group for parents that have lost babies and i love that too. my family and i also started making these tie-fleece blankets and have been donating them to the NICU and to the ronald mcdonald house. i did those blankets the WHOLE three months that i was on bed rest with LS. i’m not trying to be all like “look at what a good person i am”, like a certain celebrity that i can’t freaking stand (initials aj — aka angelina jolie…ugh totally can’t stand her). what i’m just saying is it has helped me so much to have something to pour my energy into, rather than pouring my energy into being depressed. depression is frigging exhausting. it takes so much out of you. but once i found something that i was passionate about, i had something else to think about as i tried to fall asleep, rather than thinking about how bad i felt. it could be anything…i know someone who learned how to knit and is obsessed with that now, i know another person who LOVES gardening. just anything that you can put yourself behind.

    i think that this has helped me as much if not more than my antidepressant. now don’t get me wrong — i ain’t getting off that shit for a LONG time. like i said, i’m just so much more “stable” on it. but if you can’t get a prescription because most doctors suck….it’s just a thought.

    damn!! i think i write more on here than i do on my blog!!! like i said, i hope i don’t offend you with my unsolicited advice. just….been there….it sucks….wish i could help.

    • Elle June 11, 2011 at 16:19 #

      Good for you for volunteering. I can’t say enough how sorry I am for what you’ve been through.

      I’m really hoping to take a class at the local college this summer. I feel like that will help and even though I love staying home with my daughter, well most of the time ;), I would love to get out of the house and use my brain for things besides changing diapers, cleaning up after her, making her meals, and endless laundry.

      I’m with you when it comes to AJ. Her holier than thou act makes me want to barf. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Samantha June 11, 2011 at 19:39 #

        hi again,
        ah, i’m so glad you weren’t p-o’ed. that sounds great about taking a class. i’ve wanted to do something like that for a long time, but the whole lack of ambition thing has gotten in the way. you know what else i’ve desperately wanted to do for like, oh, my whole life, is take dance classes. i even looked into a local dance studio and they had adult salsa, hip hop, and some others…..haha “adult”…at least i assumed that meant just, over 18 years old. i took a jazz dance class in college and loved every second of it. i felt frigging awesome every time i walked out of there. even on the days i really just didn’t feel like going to it, after the class was over i felt great.

        i know what you mean too about staying home…i love every second of staying home with LS, but it’s also really tiring, and i think everyone, no matter how much they love their job as a stay-at-home mom needs to have some time to themselves and something that is JUST FOR HER. something that you “own”.

        btw, i can’t wait to hear about the next in-law visit. i was beyond shocked when you said that you had told your hubby to invite them to visit. you have a big heart….i gotta try to be better about that kind of shit.

  5. Marianna Annadanna June 11, 2011 at 06:57 #

    I’ve seen these clips! Hubby and I laughed up a storm! Good distraction ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m so sorry you’re still having such a hard time. If you’re interested in any advice, email me anytime. I just won’t offer it here unsolicitied ๐Ÿ™‚ What I will offer is the promise that I KNOW what you are going through and it was not that long ago that I was there too. I get it. And I still have days like that. And I know you can get through this. You WILL come out on the other side. xoxo

    • Elle June 11, 2011 at 16:24 #

      These videos have been a lifesaver. I can’t stop watching them. lol. Thank you for being there. xx

  6. Mcai7td3 June 12, 2011 at 18:59 #

    Hi Elle!! I think I’ve fallen begind with your blog a bit, really sorry to hear you’re feeling so down still. I don’t know if this helps but here goes anyway… My friend lost her dad at Christmas and it really devastates her. He was in his 80s but she and hubby have no kids so he was her focal point, care wise, for forever. She’s now considering counselling and as a way to heal she’s starred watching things like Desperate Housewives and funny sitcoms at night to help her think about other stuff and to prevent her have stuff spinning round her head at night. She’s also volunteered as a dog walker. It’s by no means the answer to everything but it’s helping her move forward. Anyway, I’ve rambled but hope you find sone release and distraction and relief too somehow. Hope you feel better soon…hugs!!!

    • Elle June 26, 2011 at 10:14 #

      Thank you sweetie!

  7. bekah June 23, 2011 at 19:33 #

    i just stumbled onto your blog and it has given me the happiest night in eons! I am a Navy wife as well and I feel like you more humorously put my life into words!!! I had the same issue with meds and psychiatrists- I finally went onto the tricare site and literally downloaded the entire list up to about 30 miles away and called every single one and found which had the shortest wait. And that is total BS that he wont maintain the meds, that is absolute grounds for changing your PCM…. I have lived with depression and I thought I was “cured” until recently someone finally told me that I was miserable! I thought I was great, because I wasnt crying all day long- but I guess just getting by isnt worth it- its been 3 months and I am finally crawling back out of the hole, and I really cant stand to think that drs choose which help they like to give and what they dont… anyway, sorry for being so pushy, so glad I found your blog!!! Now I am off to keep reading and hopefully not keep my husband up while I am snorting (and running to the bathroom to pee before I wet myself when I laugh too hard!)

    • Elle June 26, 2011 at 10:17 #

      I’m so sorry you’re going through depression too. I’m glad I could give you a laugh and cheers to having better days. ๐Ÿ™‚

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