Like a hummingbird on crack.

My 1 year blog anniversary was on July 2nd and I wasn’t going to do anything but since I’m sick, I’ve been looking at my early posts and decided to repost a few. We can just pretend that today is July 2nd unless that was a crappy day for you. If so, you don’t have to pretend and can just think to yourself that this blogger chick is a lazy ass which is the case.

A post I did only 4 days after I started blogging was called Go Speed Racer, Go. I thought my daughter crawling and getting into everything was bad but after she started walking, holy hell!

The only way I could describe it was that she was “like a hummingbird on crack” but I was very close to taking that out of the post.

I actually got a comment for that post and back then, when I would see that Yay! someone is reading my blog and took the time to leave a comment, I would run to tell my husband and do the happy dance. Okay, I admit I still do that since I can’t believe people read my blog.

The comment on the post was from Nic at My Bottle’s Up and if you don’t read her blog already, it’s a must and she is awesome. I also give her total credit for my tagline because if she didn’t suggest it, I probably wouldn’t have even thought about using it for the tagline.

nic @mybottlesup
July 6, 2010 19:59

i’m pretty sure “a hummingbird on crack” has got to be THE BEST analogy ever. i’d definitely copyright that little gem, and pop it up as your tagline… “keeping up with a hummingbird on crack.”

My reply:

July 6, 2010 20:14

I was actually going to take that part out b/c I didn’t want to sound weird but then I figured I AM weird so why not. Great idea about the tagline. Maybe I should put that under my twitter bio too.

So that’s how the hummingbird’s nickname was born and here’s the post I did on day 4 of my blog:

Go Speed Racer, Go!

July 6, 2010

Since she started walking back in June, my little girl is like a hummingbird on crack. My head spins when I watch her race from room to room. I jump around constantly trying to keep her out of harms way and sometimes fail.

My body contorts itself in ways I never thought possible. I feel like Linda Blair without the whole possessed by the Devil part although the hubby would probably beg to differ.

Peeing has become an Olympic sport for me. While I’m doing my business, my little girl will walk into the bathroom and stick her hand in the garbage. I take her hand out. She opens up the sink cabinet. I take my foot and close it. She’ll start closing the bathroom door on her fingers. I grab the door just in time.

You get the picture. I’ve become a ninja of sorts. My little girl is so hyperkinetic. It wasn’t too long ago that I would lay her down somewhere and she would, GASP, stay put.

In her early months I would have trouble finding the time to take a shower, do laundry, or anything that would require me to take my eyes off of her for a second because oh my gawd what if I missed out on her doing something!!

Ahem. I look back and see how much time I did have and think to myself why the hell didn’t I take advantage of it because now, that ship has sailed.


Something I never liked doing was cutting the little humminbird’s fingernails, especially when she was a baby because her nails were paper thin. I wrote a post about it last August.

The One With The F Word.

August 31, 2010

No, not that f word. The other one, baby fingernails. I hate cutting my daughter’s fingernails. They’re so tiny and she never stays still. When she was a newborn, we tried to use little baby nail files instead of clippers. Ha! That was a big fail. I’ve also tried to con my hubby into clipping her nails but since he leaves his toenails Freddy Krueger style, he never thinks they need clipping.

When she was about 2 months old I nicked her thumb with the clippers. I held my breath, looked at her to see if she was okay, and then there was crying. Both of us were in tears.

I raced to the bathroom to find something to stop the bleeding. I grabbed a tissue to wrap around her thumb but her arms were flailing about. Blood was smeared all over her clothes, her blanket, her face, me, and our bedspread. It looked like a bloodbath. She was starting to calm down but I was still in a panic.

I couldn’t believe that much blood was coming from such a small finger. I found some bandages but trying to put one on her finger was impossible. Those fingers are teeny tiny. I called my hubby at work to tell him what happened and he assured me that our daughter would be okay.

She was still bleeding and I found some gauze and tape. The makeshift bandage I finally got on her finger was bigger than her whole hand since that was the only way I could get it to stay on. There were layers of gauze and tape wrapped around her tiny, bloody thumb. Then she was trying to suck on her fingers and my new mom-itis got me thinking that she was going to swallow the bandage. I could just picture having to take her to the ER for choking on it. Oh, the joys of new mommyhood.

So I swaddled her until the hubby got home. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw her bandaged finger. Just earlier he was telling me that she would be fine and then he sees this HUGE bandage on her finger. I took it off and showed him the cut because I thought he was going to start panicking.

Now that my little girl is older, it’s only gotten more difficult to cut her nails. Whenever I try, her legs go thunk thunk thunk against her changing table. It’s like she does these tap dancing routines. People have suggested trying to cut her nails while she’s sleeping but she’s asleep and she wouldn’t stay that way if I did. I couldn’t imagine having to sneak into her room with the hubby, flashlight in one hand and nail clippers in the other.

I think they need to have grooming salons for babies. Out of all the things that come with motherhood, cutting fingernails is something I would pay big bucks for someone else to do. Bring on the diaper blowouts, throw up, teething, crankiness, screaming, whining, and tantrums. I would rather leave those itty bitty fingernails for someone else to cut.


Since I’m taking a look back, here’s one of my favorite pictures of the little hummingbird from last summer. Except for a few times, she never lets us put her hair in a ponytail.

Before I can even get her hair brushed into a ponytail or pigtails, she’ll start shaking her head and will try to run off. This was one of those rare times that she let me put her hair up and it lasted a record 5 minutes.

Here’s my sweet hummingbird who can make my heart melt one minute and make me want to pull my hair out the next. I miss those cheeks! She’s growing up too fast. sniff.


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19 Responses to Like a hummingbird on crack.

  1. Mel July 6, 2011 at 05:45 #

    I too wish I had taken advantage of her baby days, when she didn’t move and and life was calm. How could I not know???? My house would have thanked me. I will know next time…but alas I will have a preschooler to keep entertained! Lol.

    • Elle July 7, 2011 at 19:35 #

      I still laugh at myself because I thought I would have so much more time when she’s older. Hahahaha! 😀

  2. Karen July 6, 2011 at 08:05 #

    I’m new to reading blogs, but I came across yours recently & now I’m hooked on it like hummingbird crack. I’ve got older daughters (13 & 10), but I still remember those crazy first few years of motherhood. I found your blog when I was out-of-town at a soccer tournament & was bored out of my mind. I ended up going back to your 1st post and reading them ALL. My favorite post is ‘Fake Accent’. I laugh every time I read it. I hope you continue to write for a long time. Happy Blogaversary!

    • Elle July 7, 2011 at 19:21 #

      Thank you! I take it the soccer tournament you went to didn’t have David Beckham. He’s not my type but I sure wouldn’t mind a looksy. 😉

  3. Maredith July 6, 2011 at 08:48 #

    You make me cry from laughter…I, too, have a hummingbird on crack, so I can absolutely relate to your posts….these three ‘re posts’ are my life right now, to the ‘T’!!

    • Elle July 7, 2011 at 19:37 #

      I asked my mom recently if there’s an age when kids mellow and she told me never. Ruh roh! We’re screwed. hehe.

  4. Marianna Annadanna July 6, 2011 at 18:16 #

    I love the story about your early comment! Cute.

    • Elle July 7, 2011 at 19:39 #

      Thanks Ms. Poutine. 🙂

  5. happinessafterheartache July 6, 2011 at 19:41 #

    These are such cute stories! I haven’t had time to catch up on your whole history, so these were all new to me! I completely agree about becoming a ninja or contortionist – especially with two of them. I cannot go to the bathroom without them being restrained (think highchair). I think they’re telepathic and will purposefully do two different “bad” things in two different rooms at the same time. All while giggling madly. The fingernails too! The first night Will was home from the hospital he suddenly started screaming bloody murder – hubby and I went running upstairs. He had little scratch marks all over his face from his nails!! They were not allowed to cut them at the hospital. And forget those little baby mittens. Yeah right. So we tried to clip his nails, and Of course, I cut his finger. SO MUCH BLOOD! Maybe that’s why he still screams when I try to trim them now.

    • Elle July 7, 2011 at 19:30 #

      You deserve an award for keeping up with twins. This morning I went to the bathroom and in just one minute the hummingbird got into everything imaginable. She’s like a cyclone and I think if I had 2 of her, I would need lots of wine. 😉

  6. Rachel Collyer July 7, 2011 at 13:57 #

    Elle, I just love your blog. I was recently introduced to it and immediately connected. I sometimes feel like you are writing about me and my little guy. Battling depression, housing woes, and of course, the little one. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and please keep writing!

    • Elle July 7, 2011 at 19:23 #

      Thanks, Rachel! It’s really nice to hear that people read my blog and can relate. 🙂

  7. jennifer July 8, 2011 at 06:43 #

    Happy blogiversary!
    When my little dragon was small, someone told me I should bite his fingernails to cut them. I am a furious nail-biter, I admit, but biting someone else’s nails seemed weird to me. But after he had scratched his own beautiful perfect skin, I tried it. And it was weird.

    That “cut them when they’re sleeping” advice also seemed un-useful, for the exact reason you cite so poetically. 🙂 I’m still trying to figure out that little grooming problem.

    Thanks for blogging, you make me smile quietly to myself a lot. 🙂

    • Elle July 8, 2011 at 23:47 #

      Thanks, Jennifer! Someone suggested biting my little babe’s nails too but I just couldn’t do it. Ick, lol! We tried the hand covers on the hummingbird since we were too scared to cut her nails for the first month.

      The little mittens looked so odd and kind of funny but at least we didn’t have to worry about her scratching up her face. She would pull down on her bottom eyelid as well while she was doing the newborn jerky hand movements and it would creep me out. 😉

  8. No Ordinary Momma July 8, 2011 at 22:09 #

    i have an 8 month old and have thought about opening up a nail salon that caters only to children. i’m convinced that my appointment book would be packed! my trick is that i put on total mind-fuck television (like asian programming on a local cable channel) and totally confuse my kid…and while he tries to wrap his tiny brain around it i go to town on his nails. i’d be happy to guest blog about this if you’d like 🙂

  9. Mandi July 10, 2011 at 15:35 #

    Gosh, I remember reading those posts way back when. Seems like so long ago!
    I am SO glad you have stuck around. 🙂

  10. du lich viet vui June 17, 2014 at 02:55 #

    I love the story about your early comment! Cute.

  11. bia hoi ho chi minh city June 17, 2014 at 22:48 #

    You make me cry from laughter…


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