Just when I think it’s not possible to love my sweet little hummingbird more than I do, bam! I do. This isn’t some sort of invasion of the body snatchers type of situation. Believe it or not I don’t always bitch and whine. I know, shocker.

After we brought the little hummingbird home from the NICU it was so overwhelming. She had low blood sugar and when we were able to bring her home after 3 weeks in the hospital, she was on 2 medications given twice daily, we had to follow a strict feeding schedule, and 3 times a day we had to check her blood sugar which was agony and broke my heart.

We had no idea if the issue with her having low blood sugar would be temporary or if it would be something she would live with for the rest of her life.

We had to wipe her heel with an alcohol pad and then prick it with a lancet, try to keep her foot still to get enough blood on the test strip, hold a cotton swab on her heel to stop the bleeding, and put a band-aid on her poor little foot with one hand while putting the test strip in the glucose meter with the other hand all while having her cry and flail about.

Sometimes when we would lancet her heel, we wouldn’t get enough blood to test so we would have to do it a second time. It was freaking torture.  There were times when it was too difficult to get a cotton swab on her heel in time so she would be crying and kicking on her changing table and blood would get all over.

Seeing my 3 week old daughter kicking and screaming from something I caused made me feel so bad. While this seemed to feel like forever, when the hummingbird was 6 weeks, her blood sugar stabilized and she went off of her medications. We no longer had to deal with testing her glucose levels which was a huge relief.

Still, it didn’t stop me from worrying when she wouldn’t have much of her bottle. I would hear the “normal” amount that babies her age would be eating but it wasn’t until she was about 6 months old when she started having about 4 ounces of formula, if that, which still wasn’t considered the “normal” amount.

Since I’m lactose intolerant, I thought that might be part of the problem with her even though the doctors she went to said it wasn’t. But mama knows best and I put her on a formula with less lactose. While she still didn’t eat within the “normal” range, it seemed to help. So to doctors I say this: *blows raspberry*

Even though she’s in the clear and has been for quite some time, I still worry when she doesn’t eat much. If you have a toddler, you know that one day they’ll scarf their food but the next day they might eat very little.

The first year of mommyhood was hard for me because of my daughter’s issues and I had complications from my cesarean so it took longer to heal which meant a lot of pain and I had to have surgery 11 months later to correct the problem. 

Becoming a mom is such an adjustment. At least for me it was. To be honest, it’s something that I’m still trying to find a balance with. The hummingbird changes on a daily basis and it can be hard to keep up with her and everything she’s learning.

Not only is she racing around a hundred miles a minute, her brain seems to be doing the same. My daughter was a late talker and it’s only been in the past few months that she’s really been letting us hear her bad ass language skills. Most of what she says comes in the form of a question.

When I ask her if she’d like cheese for a snack, she runs to the fridge and then starts hopping around while saying cheese? cheese? One of the funniest things she’s been saying is I’m stuck which usually comes out I stuck.

I never knew those two words could be applied to so many things; a toy she can’t reach, when she’s behind a safety gate, if she can’t open a door because of the toddler proof thingamajigs we put on the door handles, when wanting to get out of her high chair….

On the weekends when my hubby gets up with her, she’ll run to our bedroom and try to climb up on the bed so usually the first thing I hear in the morning is I stuck I stuck, Maaahhhmeee, I stuck.

I loved my daughter as soon as I found out I was pregnant but at the same time pregnancy was surreal. Sometimes I would forget that I was growing a human in there that has to eventually come out. Eeeek!

The love for her grew as my stomach did. I loved laying in bed at night watching her move an elbow or a foot and have it poke up against my stomach and move all over. The first time that happened I freaked out because it seemed like something out of the movie Alien.

I also loved when she would get hiccups while I was pregnant. Even now I like to cuddle up with her when she has them because it brings me back to when it was just me and her.

After she was born and we had a scary start, the love I felt for her was so strong and it was pure torture hearing her cries when the nurses would have to reinsert an IV or take her blood.

She’s been on this earth for 2 years 3 months and just when I think I couldn’t love her anymore than I do, another day goes by and I realize the love I have for her continues to grow. After she’s asleep, I go into her room and watch her sleep, amazed that I helped create such a wonderful little girl.

It can be frustrating when she doesn’t nap, battles bedtime, is constantly testing me, won’t let me pee in peace, steps on the cat on purpose, throws her food on the floor because she’s mad but no matter what she does or who she grows up to be, she will ALWAYS have my heart. It also doesn’t hurt that I have xanax. heh.

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5 Responses to Just when I think it’s not possible to love my sweet little hummingbird more than I do, bam! I do. This isn’t some sort of invasion of the body snatchers type of situation. Believe it or not I don’t always bitch and whine. I know, shocker.

  1. mcai7td3 July 18, 2011 at 05:10 #

    I remember my baby having to have the heel prick test and that was just the once and I had to look away!! She sounds very cute with her growing vocabulary 🙂 my niece now shouts “baby pants OFF!” when he has his nappy changed!

  2. talesof2childrent July 18, 2011 at 10:09 #

    I miss so much the baby in the belly I could lie there for hours watching them move around and with #2 it was almost constant so that was so exciting. The last 3 weeks I always forget how much I love it because I want so bad to see this person who I have grown to love so much! Being pregnant was the most amazing thing!!!

  3. Marianna Annadanna July 18, 2011 at 18:44 #

    So cute. When I read that first sentence I thought it said “after we bought the little hummingbird” lol 😉

  4. Suzi July 18, 2011 at 18:44 #

    I’m 28 weeks and sometimes get a little sad when I think about my baby being born. I realize that’s insane, but right now she’s all mine! I sometimes complain about not being able to sleep, but when she’s moving around & keeping me awake, I KNOW she’s ok so I’m immediately reassured.

  5. immunod19 July 21, 2011 at 04:38 #

    I know exactly what you mean – sometimes I wish my kids where little babies again – just so that I can just hold them in my arms without them wriggling away… I love watching my fairy sleep just as much as I love watching her big brother sleep – I’m just so glad that both my kids still likes to cuddle SOMETIMES – even if its just for a couple of minutes – its still enough for me…

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