If you’re having cupcake problems, I feel for you mama. I’ve got 99 problems and making some damn cupcakes is one.

I thought it would be simple enough. Making cupcakes for my hubby’s birthday. I’ve made cupcakes before so how hard could it be to get the ingredients together and make some?  Two months before the big day, I found a recipe for Guinness cupcakes with Bailey’s frosting and knew it would be perfect. I thought if anything goes wrong at least I have a six-pack of beer.

I told the hubs I was making these before we went to do our weekly grocery shopping. We usually go to the store together since he does more of the cooking than I do. I also get kind of nervous when I take the little hummingbird to the store by myself because after making it halfway through the store, if not before, she wants to run around.

Not only that, I feel like I have a bajillion things to keep track of like my purse, her munchie mug, sippy cup, the shopping cart, the shopping list, and she’s zooming from aisle to aisle getting into everything. I usually have mommy brain and feel like I’ve had a lobotomy when grocery shopping so having my hubby with me helps.

One thing that drives me crazy is he doesn’t look at the shopping list until after we’ve gone through all of the aisles. He thinks I’m the weird one for wanting to have the list out while we’re shopping. *facepalm*

While we were at the store, he kept saying we already have some ingredients needed for the cupcakes but I would say we didn’t and we would go back and forth. Both of us we’re insistent. I would finally give in but tell him if we went home and found we didn’t have something after all, he would have to go back and get it later that week. He was so sure of himself but I knew he would need to go back.

What do ya know, he had to go back a few days later for some things he said we had but ended up not having even though I told him we didn’t have what he said we had. Got that? Okay.

The day before I was going to make them, I was getting out the things I would need non-perishable things of course and setting them on the counter so it would be there and ready to go. When it comes to having a toddler who may or may not nap on any given day which then makes me lose my mind, I wanted to make sure I didn’t have to worry about anything slowing me down. Also, I’m anal so there’s that.

I found there was a key ingredient that was missing. The freaking Guinness beer! My husband was already home from work and I asked him if he set it somewhere other than the typical place and he told me he thought I put it somewhere else. We didn’t have the damn beer for these effing cupcakes.

The hubs told me I should just make regular chocolate cupcakes. You work on commission right? Big mistake. HUGE! My crazy came out and I said I’ve been planning on making these cupcakes for months and I. will. make. them. That may not sound so bad but I growled the words. I’m pretty sure my eyes were glowing a devilish red while smoke blew out of my ears and I was levitating off of the floor.

Luckily, my husband had kept the grocery store receipt and it showed that we paid for the Guinness but it wasn’t put with the groceries so back to the effity eff store we went again.

We went right to the customer service desk and told them what happened. I was thinking it could go two ways. They would either say sorry, your loss or tell us to just grab the six-pack of Guinness. They didn’t do either.

There were two women and one of them picked up the phone and started talking to someone. She had our receipt and was telling this person the date we came in, our descriptions, and what time we checked out. Then I realized she was calling security. That’s when I started getting nervous and felt like I would pee my pants.

Not because we did anything wrong but because I knew that security was watching us on video when we had gone through the check out to see if the beer was put with our other groceries. I know they have cameras in the store but when I’ve made a return somewhere before, I’ve never had them go about it this way.

What I’m trying to put off saying is that I was kind of worried about what security would see on the video, especially because it sounded like they were giving the customer service lady a play by play. I was standing there wracking my brain and trying to remember what I was doing while we had been checking out a few days before.

Was I trying to get a wedgie out by doing an oompa loompa dance? Did it look like I was trying to shoplift? I get worried sometimes when I’m in a store and open up my purse for whatever reason because I think someone else may think I’m stealing something.

Another thing is for some reason I can get frisky with my hubby when we go grocery shopping. What? Maybe it’s the sight of all of that boxed cereal or fresh produce. It could be all of that glorious cheese that I want to devour on sight. I’ll give him a little slap on his bum or ahem, rub up against him and we’ll give each other an R rated cuddle while the little hummingbird is distracted with a box of crackers. What?

So, I was standing at the customer service desk and had some concern that they would see me make a grab for my husband’s family jewels about what they were seeing. It turns out the beer was put in the cart of the woman in front of us and she actually brought it back into the store when she realized the mistake.

Then the customer service woman gave us a store bag and told us that we just need to grab the beer and we could be on our way. We had to get a few other things and as we were checking out I kept my hands to myself and we told the cashier that the beer has already been paid for but as we were walking out of the store the wheels on our cart locked up and an alarm went off. Holly Hell! This damn store is like Fort Knox.

The next day, which was my hubby’s birthday, the hummingbird actually took her nap YAY!! and I was going through the recipe one more time. That’s when I saw that you need a mixer for the frosting. We have a hand mixer that I bought when we first got married.

I got it out from storage a few Thanksgiving’s ago to use it for the mashed potatoes but decided against it because after I cleaned it up and set it on the counter, some black clumps fell out of the mixer holes. It also looked like there were all kinds of spidery surprises that had crawled up into the engine. Blech.

Actually, even though it looked creepy and nasty, there probably wasn’t a spider family that made a home in my hand mixer but I have a crazy vivid imagination so once I get something in my mind, it stays there and I didn’t want the possibility of having chunky surprises in the frosting.

I guess I could have mixed the crap out of the frosting by hand but I just couldn’t see it coming out the way it was supposed to, all smooth and creamy. After the hummingbird got up from her nap, we were off to the store A-freaking-gain *cries*. I considered getting a cupcake mix but I was so done with the thought of making any damn cupcakes so I went to the bakery in the store and saw they had some fancy schmancy overpriced ones in the bakery case and got a few of those.

My cupcake problems were solved and my hubby had a happy birthday. I’m persistent though and have to make these Guinness cupcakes damn it so I bought a new hand mixer….that’s still in the box.

Maybe my hubby will get the cupcakes for his next birthday. Maybe.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

10 Responses to If you’re having cupcake problems, I feel for you mama. I’ve got 99 problems and making some damn cupcakes is one.

  1. talesof2children July 20, 2011 at 16:18 #

    Oh I love you….grocery store groping is the best LOL!!!

    • Elle July 20, 2011 at 22:56 #

      TMI-Last weekend when we were at the store, my husband was putting some kiwi in a bag and proudly said “I’m dropping my big, hairy balls in a bag”. How can I resist someone that romantic? 😉

      • talesof2children July 21, 2011 at 06:01 #

        Ha ha ha!!! i know that’s when they are at their most romantic!!!!

  2. Laurin July 21, 2011 at 07:51 #

    I always have good intentions when it comes to baking but it always FAILS! Harder than it looks!

    • Elle July 21, 2011 at 22:24 #

      I like baking much more than cooking but lately I can’t even bake something without screwing it up. Good thing my husband likes to do both. 😉

  3. Mom July 21, 2011 at 15:34 #

    Your story about the grocery store is so freakin funny. I used to worry about opening my purse and digging around, but then I thought “what the heck, I really need a pen to scratch things off my list so screw em. Cupcakes sound yummy with or without the beer.

    • Elle July 21, 2011 at 22:29 #

      I’m sure I got the purse paranoia from you but I still don’t worry about someone stealing my purse by running up to me with scissors and cutting off the purse strap (Seattle 8/2003). heehee. 😉

  4. semisweetshiksa July 22, 2011 at 06:54 #

    First off, I love your blog! I nanny for another “hummingbird on crack” and can relate to so many of your posts. Secondly, I’ve made that recipe! I made it as a layer cake and it was absolutely delicious (and I hate beer)…but I cheated and frosted it with plain ‘ole vanilla buttercream.

  5. mcai7td3 July 22, 2011 at 14:06 #

    I love baking but dont do it v often. I usually buy a whole load of stuff, bake 1 whole day and then it sits in the cupboard till the next year!

  6. Suzi July 24, 2011 at 05:05 #

    That’s hilarious. Sometimes, I’ll make a little grab for the family jewels while we’re both out shopping, never considering that this might end up on a security camera… :-\ Also, you must let us know when you make the cup cakes–they sound delicious!

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge