My little girl decided to wake up at 4 am and didn’t want to go back to sleep but guess what? It’s now about 6 am and she’s sleeping soundly while I’m wide awake.
Since I’m up, let me tell you a story about a man named Jed. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was shootin’ at some food. And up through the ground came a bubblin’ crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.
Wait! Wrong story.
Even though it’s been four months since our kitty, Zira, has been missing, we’re still on the lookout for her. Last week my hubby came home from work and the little hummingbird wanted to go for a ride in her wagon.
He said he wasn’t going very far with the hummingbird but we’ve always had a difference of opinion when it comes to distance.
My version of not walking very far = walking maybe 5-10 minutes.
My hubby’s version of not walking very far = hiking 25 miles through a snowstorm, a monsoon, a tornado, up a big ass hill, and having it take most of the freaking day.
I was sick and laying on the couch. They had been gone for quite a while and I had fallen asleep. I woke up to the phone ringing. Our phone says who’s calling and when I heard it was my husband, I did what any good wife would do and ignored the call. Then he called again and I thought something must be going on so I picked up.
My husband told me that he might have found Zira and said to meet him at the playground down the street. I kept saying what? what? are you serious? what? because I couldn’t believe it and then I asked him where he was. He told me he couldn’t explain
which probably meant he walked to the next state over from us so that’s why we need to meet at the playground and he also said to bring the cat kennel.
My hubby was having a hard time keeping hold of the cat and wanted help with the hummingbird. By the end of the phone call I was up off of the couch and so excited. I was wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts but wanted to get to him asap and thought it was too time consuming to run upstairs to get my bra so instead I threw on my jacket to cover up the fact that I wasn’t wearing one, put on my flip-flops, found the cat kennel, and started running down the sidewalk to the playground.
There I was running down the street like a cracked out crazy woman, without a bra that I really need when I’m out in public. I’m only 5’2″ and have double d’s. Yeah, it’s a scary sight when I run without a bra, plus there’s a chance I might knock myself unconscious. When I win the lottery (I’m sure my chances would be better if I actually bought lottery tickets) I would get my boobs reduced.
Anyway, I was hoping I wouldn’t come across any children or parents because I didn’t want to scare them with my out of control boobs that were flipping around every which way.
I saw my hubby and as soon as I layed eyes on the cat, I was pretty sure it wasn’t Zira but I wasn’t 100% sure. We got back to our house and went to the backyard. My hubby was still holding the cat while we tried to figure out if it was our kitty. Then I was 100% certain that it wasn’t.
The cat was a tuxedo cat like Zira but there were things that were off. This cat had much bigger paws
you know what they say about big feet and seemed bulkier. I told my hubby that not only is it not our cat, I think this kitty is a boy. He pointed out that since Zira has been missing for months, she could have changed. I agreed but said unless there’s some kind of kitty steroids out in the wilderness, this isn’t our cat.
I even went to grab some pictures to show him. Zira had a small white mark on the left side of her nose but this cat had a bigger round white spot on the lower right side of its face. My husband still wasn’t convinced and said he wanted to keep the cat in the backyard and bring the kitty to our vet in the morning to see if it was microchipped.
As soon as he set the cat on the ground, it ran underneath his grill. We set out some food and water and went back inside. That’s when I asked my hubby where exactly did he find this cat. He told me while he and the hummingbird were walking past a house, he saw the kitty in the yard.
I said Oh my gawd! What if you have stolen someone’s kitty and they were inside their house watching?! While the cat appeared to be healthy and fed, it did seem like it had been a stray for a while so we didn’t think that would actually be the case but it didn’t stop me from calling my hubby a cat napper for the rest of the night.
There’s a scene in the movie Julie & Julia where Julie has to cook live lobsters and her husband keeps saying lobster killer in a sing-song voice. That was how I was saying cat napper and by the end of the night both my hubby and I kept on singing cat napper.
I was on pins and needles waiting for my hubby to return from the vet the next day. The cat ended up not being Zira which I knew but it was microchipped. The problem is the microchip only had info for a vet in North Carolina and our vet’s office kept on trying to contact them but there was no answer.
We were talking about what to do next and then a light bulb went on. We both looked at each other with an oh shit, this kitty probably has been cat napped look. I told my husband he should go back over to the house where he found the cat. Hold on….
Bwahahahahahaha. *breathes* Hahahahahahahahaha.
Okay, I’m back.
He went over to the house to ask if they by any chance had a cat. The only person home was the teenage daughter and she said they do have a cat and they’re from North Carolina. So my hubby came back to our house and got their poor, traumatized, stolen kitty while I was practically in hysterics because I couldn’t stop laughing and peed myself a little.
From what my cat napper husband got from the girl he talked to, the cat is always outdoors so it didn’t seem like this family even noticed their cat was missing.
My husband’s intentions were good and he was really convinced that it was Zira. It was an honest mistake but a funny one……that I can hold over him.
If he ever complains that I don’t cook that often, which I know he never will or else he’d get a knee to his nuts, I can always say Well, at least I didn’t steal someone’s cat. Or if the little hummingbird wakes up in the middle of the night and I don’t want to get out of our warm and cozy bed, I can say Hey cat napper, she’s all yours. People who steal someone else’s cat right out of their own yard have to get up.
This cat napping is like a get out of
cooking and cleaning jail free card. Woo hoo!
To my husband’s credit, Zira and the stolen cat did look similar.
Our precious and dearly missed cat, Zira.
The kitty my cat napper husband took.
And just because, a photo of Maisy. My hubby finally set up the fish tank for the little hummingbird since she loves going to the local aquarium. We have 2 goldfish so far and Maisy seems much more interested in the fish than my little girl.