Total Recall Sunday: Banging my head against a spike would be more fun.

I was going to call this “Repost Sunday” but thought total recall Sunday sounded cooler. I was looking through my older posts and got the idea to repost one every now and then.

In other words, I’m going to do this whenever I feel like a lazy ass. I wouldn’t say that’s what I am today. It’s more like I’m an extremely tired ass. Whenever the little hummingbird gets sick her whole schedule gets screwed up, especially her bedtime schedule.

When she’s sick I make exceptions and suffer through things like a few extra episodes of Caillou but I still try to keep her close to her normal schedule. My hubby lets he get away with anything as it is but when she’s sick…Oy!!

I tell him that if you just let her get away with something once, that’s all it takes but he says it won’t matter. Then when the hummingbird gets better and he expects her to fall back into her regular routine, guess what happens? Yep! Where’s Supernanny when you need her?!

So, it’s been a very long and tiring week trying to “re-train” her when it comes to her bedtime schedule and I’m wiped out.

I wrote this post last year at the end of July when we were moving from the D.C. area to Northern California. It took longer to drive across the country than we had expected and by the time we got here, I was surprised my hubby and I hadn’t killed one another.

The hummingbird was 15 months old at the time.


The hubby will be known as buttmunch for this post.

Cue the Law and Order music.


The buttmunch and I were packing and trying to get everything together since we were going to a hotel that night. I had the little girl’s things packed and went to get my things together. I asked my buttmunch if he could go downstairs and get some toys for the little girl.


Around 8pm that night we were on the way to the hotel and the buttmunch went back to the house to pack some more. Soon after, I put the little girl to bed. I called the buttmunch a few times to remind him what to bring back to the hotel.


The next morning my buttmunch went back to the house since the movers were coming, so it was just me and my daughter. After breakfast I went over to a box that the buttmunch brought and looked through it for toys.


There weren’t any there so I looked through a few bags. Not there. I looked through her bag, my bag, the buttmunch’s bag. Nada. I was starting to panic but before I went into freak out mode, I looked through EVERYTHING again. Nope.


It was raining outside and there wasn’t anything for her to play with inside. The little girl just had a few books I had packed in her bag and normally she loves to “read” her books. She must have smelled the fear on me because when I would give her a book, she would throw it on the ground and give me a bitch, please look.

Then she started to run around the room and whine. It was her special whine. The kind that makes me feel like my head is going to explode any minute.


I then called the buttmunch. When he answered I politely and in a very calm tone, and not at all yelling *coughnotcough*, told him that we didn’t have any toys at the hotel room. He couldn’t bring the toys by (and I didn’t have the car) since he was waiting for the movers and told me that I “had the stroller, so there was that“.

May I remind you that it was raining.




I found a pack of tic tacs that she grabbed at the store the day before. She wouldn’t let them go and chewed off most of the wrapper so they were ours for keeps. Those only amused her for a few minutes.

While the little girl was racing around the room, I sat on the couch dazed from the lack of caffeine. I contemplated dragging the both of us to the hotel lobby so I could get my hands on some coffee and the little girl could run around in a bigger space.

To get to the lobby we had to go outside and walk what seemed like a mile in the pouring rain, so I decided it was best to just stay in the room.


While I was twitching around from my caffeine withdrawal and a whiny toddler, I found two plastic spoons. I thought “Yay, she loves spoons!” A few seconds after giving her one, she dropped it on the nasty hotel room carpet. The same carpet that turned her white socks black within a few hours.

So I threw it away and gave her the second spoon. Same thing. Finally, I just let her start throwing things out of our bags onto the nasty carpet. The carpet Dateline NBC says is covered in fecal matter, salmonella, and sperm. I guess there are a lot of chickens that stay at hotels and have booty sex.

While the little girl was going through the bags, she struck gold. She found a Ziploc bag full of tampons, the ones that come in bright colors. She was entranced with my bag o’ tampons. The little girl started roaming around the room with the bag, shaking it and holding it above her head.

This kept her occupied for about 10 minutes. While she was playing with her new toy, I was looking through the bags again, not for toys but for anything resembling caffeine. No such luck.


After she got bored with the bag, I spent the next seven hours repeatedly singing the Elmo Duck Song, Elmo’s Song, and letting her play with my cell phone (which surprisingly still works). I also got quite a workout staying in a room that wasn’t child-proofed. Finally after one of the longest. days. ever. the buttmunch came back to the room.


Hmmm, what’s that sound? Is it me saying no sex for a week? Well, that’s nothing new.

*We’re still not in California. It has taken us forever to drive across the country and as of this morning we are in New Mexico, about an hour from Arizona. I finally got my hands on a new laptop (thanks to my sweet hubby, the buttmunch).

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7 Responses to Total Recall Sunday: Banging my head against a spike would be more fun.

  1. Elle P. August 7, 2011 at 06:56 #

    Elle, I love this idea! Mind if I use it on my own bloggity blog???

    • Elle August 7, 2011 at 10:27 #

      Banging your head against a spike might be bloody and it’s one more mess you’d have to clean up but I don’t mind at all if you want to use the total recall. ;D

      • Elle P. August 7, 2011 at 18:02 #

        Um, yeah… total recall is what I meant. 🙂

  2. Cheryl M. August 7, 2011 at 09:24 #

    I swear, all men become total buttmunches once there are kids involved. Mine has slept past 11am for like the last 5 weekends in a row, while I’m up with the kids. Makes me feel all stabby!

  3. Cheryl M. August 7, 2011 at 09:25 #

    He’s lucky I’m not upstairs with a bucket of ice-water.

    • Elle August 7, 2011 at 10:30 #

      Or a knife. 😉 I feel your frustration. That must really be making you want to, well, go upstairs with a bucket of ice water.

  4. Melanie@Reasons to Skip the Housework August 18, 2011 at 19:38 #

    Ok, um…dying over here. I could have written this post {although you were much funnier than I would have been} I have a 16 month old who is your daughter’s identical twin {in actions}. I found her on top of the dining room table the other day…standing…just chilling out. Actually, I think she was debating how to jump from the table to the counter, but I foiled her plan.

    Anyhow, you made my day and I’m a new follower! I found you on the Bloggess – love you both!


    Reasons To Skip The Housework {The Blog}
    Tinker B Boutique {The Shop}


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