My cubby is whaty?

This guest post comes from the Mrs. who has been blogging since 2007. Her blog, a day in the life of the mrs, is a must read. She’s always left sweet and funny comments on my site since a few months after I started blogging. The Mrs. has also given me advice when it comes to the hummingbird when I’ve felt overwhelmed.

The Mrs. doesn’t sugar coat anything and that’s one of the things I love about her. She’s honest, frank, and has strong beliefs, all of which I admire.

While the Mrs. and I have different beliefs, it’s never been an issue and I can still take from the advice she’s given me even if we might parent a little differently. That’s what it’s all about. Not being judgy when it comes to parenting styles because we’re all in this together.

Recently I asked the Mrs. for advice when it came to the little hummingbird battling bedtime and I thank her for being there. Even though the hummingbird has been testing us and it’s been making me crazy, it helped to know that the Mrs. understands what I’m going through, times 5.

Q and A with the Mrs.

Elle: If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?
A. a flame thrower.

B. an unlimited supply of ninja throwing stars.

C. a chainsaw.

D. a shoelace because you’re bad ass.

E. other and what would it be?

F. none of the above, I want to be a damn zombie!

the Mrs.:  i would like to have edward cullen as my weapon. first of all, he’s immortal so he could fight them off without injury. secondly, he’d probably have to remove his shirt to do so. double win. lastly, did i mention he’s hot? who needs a flame thrower when i can have a perpetually young vampire bodyguard?

Elle: If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone who would it be?

the Mrs: i’m gonna have to go with either george w. bush or bob marley. i think ole GW is super cute and bob has to have some crazy stories!

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

the Mrs.: really bad reality tv! i love all of the real housewives. it’s so tacky and over the top and i relish every moment of it. i also still watch mtv shows like the real world. because clearly i have not accepted that i’m a 33-year-old married mother of 5!

~~~

hi. i’m the Mrs. i’m married to a super hot guy and have five (yep, FIVE) little darlings. i also have a secret obsession that i could never write about on my own blog. why? because my readers are mainly conservative, christian mommies. have i piqued your interest yet? am i hoarder? am i a crackhead? do i eat toilet paper?

nope.

what’s my secret? i like to make up code names for female (and occasionally male!) genitals. you read that right. and i’ve dragged my husband into my twisted little mind. it’s really his fault anyway. this man can make anything sexual. don’t believe me? here’s an example:

we get into my minivan one day and i notice that the little cubby in the driver’s side door has water in it. so i ask him (because he’s a man so he should know the answer to any car related question)  “why is my cubby always wet?”  to which he replied “why is your cubby wet??” with a salacious tone.  so now we occasionally refer to my lady business as my wet cubby. see how that works?

so if you ever meet me in real life and you hear me say any of the following words, you will know what i am referring to!

wet cubby… lady bits… whoopie pie… special kitty (fyi this is also the name of the cat food we use. so don’t get confused. i’m not feeding the cat vaginas.)… lady business… pretty princess… little mrs… foxy brown… lady town… vajayjay… queen victoria… baby maker…

well, that’s all i can think of right now. this list is in no way comprehensive. feel free to judge me. just don’t tell my loyal readers. i’d like to maintain their misguided notions that i’m a sweet, innocent mom.  obviously we’ve had sex those five times but that’s all! i swear…

~If you would like to write a guest post, whether you have a blog or not, email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com.

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8 Responses to My cubby is whaty?

  1. themrs August 8, 2011 at 10:06 #

    oh yes, my best friend came up with a fabulous new one this weekend. this would be in reference to an unmarried woman who has sex, she does so with “satan’s pocketbook”. there ya go.

  2. Christina August 8, 2011 at 11:25 #

    I consider myself a conservative christian too, but even I have names for the things down there. I’m way too dramatic, and I love to read fantasy, though, so I call the stuff down there things like “magical tunnel to happiness” and “sea cave to the stars”, haha.

  3. Elle August 8, 2011 at 12:04 #

    I call mine a pikachu (thanks to Chelsea Handler) but lately I’ve been calling my vagina “I’m tired and I have a headache”.

  4. themrs August 8, 2011 at 12:06 #

    OMG Elle i just blew coffee out of my nose! obviously *I* needed to call mine that a few more times…

  5. Kate August 8, 2011 at 14:39 #

    Love it! I needed a great laugh today! This post is hysterical!

  6. Alicia August 8, 2011 at 16:51 #

    Love it! I don’t even remember the story behind it, but my husband called mine Foo Foo, which we quickly shortened to Foo-ty. (Shortened? Or maybe it’s just a similar nickname…)

  7. Suzi August 14, 2011 at 00:42 #

    That’s hilarious! I also use lady bits, vajayjay and *drum roll please* nooney.

  8. Heather Simmons August 15, 2011 at 10:11 #

    Love. This. So funny. I only have special names for the ta-tas. Will have to adopt some of these, if thats ok??? 😉

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