I never thought I would have to say these words but when I went to the doctor yesterday morning, I found out I miscarried.

The hummingbird was a happy surprise but I still had the same feelings of shock when I found out I was pregnant with her. It quickly turned to being ecstatic, just like this time around.

This past week I started seeing how my daughter will be such a great big sister. A few months ago she developed an interest in babies. When she sees a baby on television or when we’re out and about she says baby? baby?  A lot of things she says is in the form of a question.

Even if she sees a kid who’s older than her she calls them a baby? Of course there are also times when she’ll be acting so sweet to her cabbage patch doll or one of her stuffed animals and then she’ll start whacking it against the wall or body slam it.

One thing I would like to say to male doctors is when it comes to this kind of situation, telling a woman that it’s probably for the best given my current depression and anxiety is NOT a good idea.

I’m not an idiot and I know I need to work through this depression before I have another baby but saying that to a woman is really, really stupid.

I know I’ll be okay, eventually, but right now I’m crushed.

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27 Responses to Well…

  1. Lindsey August 18, 2011 at 06:38 #

    I had an early m/c in between kids #1 and #2. and it was pretty devastating at the time. I was sure I (my body) was “broken” and that we wouldn’t be able to have any more kids and my BABY died and I must’ve done something wrong, etc… and I got pregnant again three months later with my son.
    I know how you’re feeling. (((((Believe me that it will get easier.))))) 🙁

  2. J.Fo August 18, 2011 at 06:50 #

    I have had two. I had one after we had been trying to get pregnant for FIVE years. I wanted to drive my car into a tree. The following year, I carried my daughter to term and got pregnant again three months after she was born. We lost that baby, too.
    It does get easier. Look at the hummingbird and revel in what a miracle she is. And think about how great she will be when you do get pregnant again.

  3. Wombat Central August 18, 2011 at 07:13 #


  4. Chrissy August 18, 2011 at 07:15 #

    I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you. And if I could reach through the interwebs I would give your Dr. a good wack on the head.

    I haven’t had a confirmed miscarriage, but while the hubs and I were trying to get pregnant there were a few times I wondered if I had. One of the things I read along the way that really helped me wrap my head around everything was that even with all the modern medicine, there’s actually very little you can do to prevent/cause a miscarriage, especially in the early stages. There are all the guidelines about what you should and shouldn’t do when pregnant, but when you get down to the nitty gritty of it all most of those things have a very minimal effect overall (I’m talking like a 1% chance of any effect). It doesn’t make the loss any easier, but it helped me to stop the ‘what ifs’. My body did what it did, and I couldn’t have change the outcome.

  5. Mcai7td3 August 18, 2011 at 07:20 #

    Omg I had to read that twice then. I’m so sorry to read that. I hope you are ok. Sending you lots of good wishes. *Hugs*.

  6. Sara August 18, 2011 at 07:37 #

    I am so so sorry.

  7. Tammy August 18, 2011 at 08:00 #

    Oh honey, I am so sorry 🙁 Prayers for you and and your family, and the little angel you didn’t get to meet.

  8. neeroc August 18, 2011 at 09:39 #

    I’m so sorry. Miscarriage truly sucks.

  9. Rachel August 18, 2011 at 09:45 #

    Elle, I am so, so sorry. I hurt so much for you. I miscarried with my first pregnancy and after almost 2 years and a wonderful little guy, I still cry. The doctor had no place to tell you it was for the best. He was wrong and you should tell him so. My daughter would been born with severe physical problems, but still I wanted to beat the hell out of those who told me it was for the best. My prayers are with you and hubby and humming bird. Give them hugs and take some time with them to just heal.

  10. Geeky Sweetheart (@GeekySweetheart) August 18, 2011 at 10:40 #

    this brought tears to my eyes, I had to read that sentence about what the doctor said 3 times… its incomprehensible that he would say that… well done for not punching him in the face

  11. Alicia August 18, 2011 at 16:05 #

    I’m so sorry, Elle. I, too, have suffered a miscarriage and no matter if you were trying to get pregnant or not, no matter how far along you were, it HURTS. And I cannot believe that male doctor wasn’t more sympathetic. I hope he is not your regular doc…otherwise, I would be switching! (in fact, I switched from a male to female OB for similar, um…non-sympathetic comments)

  12. Ryan Ann August 18, 2011 at 17:59 #

    Ohhhhh fuck, hun… I am SO sorry. 🙁 I’m totally here for you if you need to talk, vent… anything. Love and Hugs to you.

  13. Jen {at} take2mommy August 18, 2011 at 18:42 #

    I am so sorry that you’re going through this and that you’re hurting. I hope things get better real soon. Hugs.

  14. Christina S. August 18, 2011 at 18:45 #

    I am so sorry. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Sending internet hugs your way.

  15. Elle P. August 18, 2011 at 19:42 #

    So sorry Elle…. 🙁

  16. No Ordinary Momma August 18, 2011 at 19:57 #

    I’m sorry sweetie. Seems like we have more and more in common as I read your blog. Unfortunately, you don’t want to have miscarriage and NICU in common. Hang tough.

  17. Suzi August 19, 2011 at 04:03 #

    So sorry to hear this. Sending love and hugs your way.

  18. Ashby August 19, 2011 at 04:39 #

    I’m so, so sorry. This has also happened to me, twice. You’re right, some people say stupid, stupid things. Praying for you.

  19. Marianna Annadanna August 19, 2011 at 04:49 #

    Wishing you well my dear. I’m so sad for you, but I know you’ll get through this. Lean on Hubby and hug your little hummingbird. xoxoxoxo

  20. shauna August 19, 2011 at 06:27 #

    Elle, I’m so sorry. Your doctor is a jackass. Lots of love and hugs.

  21. kaitlynsmom August 19, 2011 at 07:29 #

    I was 22 years old, in a bad marriage, had a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old when I had a miscarriage. It would have been a horrible time to have another baby, yet I was devastated. I carried around the picture of my ultrasound for years. Nobody understood why I felt the way I did. That baby would have been 26 years old this year.

  22. Missy August 19, 2011 at 07:44 #

    So SO sorrry, sweetie. It is crushing, whether it’s something your were trying for or not, it’s still devistating. I have suffered through one confirmed and one unconfirmed miscarriage. The first was confirmed, and was before my oldest was born. I found out I was pregnant right after 9/11, when my hubby had just deployed to Bosnia for a undetermined length of time. It was rough. He was not here to support me. I was living with my younger brother who was naive and unsupportative, and I never told my mother about it at all… I basically went through it alone. The second time was unconfirmed, just last year. I was on the pill and had run my pills together for a few months to skip my period. When I did get it, it was totally not normal, and there were a lot of things that suggested to me miscarriage. One of which being that if I was pregnant the timing would have worked out that I probably got pregnant while the hubby and I were away for a weekend alone and i was on antibiotics. But my doc refused to see me, even after I told him my suspicions. He said that it was just cuz I had run my pills together, combined with the fact that I had a funky uterus that can cause my periods to be like this. Really? Cuz my uterus has been funky my whole life, and I’ve run pills together before and NEVER in my LIFE had a period like this… But whatever…. In both cases, I mourned, but I also realized that the timing was not good for me, and chances are there was something wrong with the baby. And while I hate those words, it probably was for the best. However, your doc should never say that to you. It’s a conclusion you need to come to on your own, and in your own time, when you are ready to accept it. ((HUGS)) to you. Hang in there and get some rest… it will get better.

  23. jennifer August 19, 2011 at 08:51 #

    Your doctor IS a jackass.
    I had three miscarriages before the little dragon was born. I know it is beyond awful, and I am so, so sorry. I wrote about it, it helped (if you want: http://frischfood.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-year-of-loss-and-hope.html). The only other thing that helped was knowing that there were others out there who went through the same thing. When people who had never been through it tried to say something comforting, it mostly only pissed me off. Or depressed me. (But I am a surly sort). So just know, we love you, you’re not alone, and if you ever want more words of wisdom I’ll offer what I’ve got.
    ooo j

  24. Cheryl M. August 19, 2011 at 10:16 #

    I’m so sorry for your loss! I had two miscarriages before I finally had my oldest, and they were both devastating. Your doctor is an absolute moron.

  25. Maile August 19, 2011 at 19:04 #

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I didnt even know you were pregnant, but I’ve been avoiding the Internet since it seems to be filled with babies right now and I am battling with my own miscarriage grief. If you need to vent or talk I am here. *hugs*

  26. MamaAndTheCity (@Mama_AndTheCity) August 19, 2011 at 22:56 #

    So sorry to hear that. And just try to rise above and remind yourself that doctors ARE idiots. They are like robots – most of them.

    Something I remember is when I was pregnant, my anxiety went away. I was the most confident woman on the planet. I was the most positive and happy woman ever. Pregnancy was so good to me and I hope it continues to be. I hope those hormonal changes do the same trick every time I get pregnant.


  1. I can always count on my mother-in-law to make me feel stabby. | This Is Mommyhood - August 31, 2011

    […] going back and forth several times on whether or not I should tell her about what I’ve been going through with the loss I had as well as the depression I’ve been having, I made the unfortunate […]

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