Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Mary Poppins is a parenting inspiration. Alternate title: Marianna will shank your ass if you eff with her and parenting thoughts from the *almost* left handed amputee.

This is a guest post from my adorable and hilarious Canadian friend, Marianna Annadanna from Snappy Surprise. She’s also one of the founders of Cheesy Bloggers which is an open, inclusive space to be cheesy, funny, clever, and to join up with others like you! 

In my humble opinion I would recommend locking yourself in the closet and reading all of Marianna’s posts but if that’s not an option because your kids will be banging on the door while yelling Maaahhmeeee then here are some posts from her you should check out. Television is *delicious*, At least cough up a bunny, My happy place scared the bejezus out of meThat’ll learn ya, hubbyHave you heard? I’m AWESOME, and I can’t leave out her dock shrapnel wound post that had her thisclose to becoming an amputee: I’m going to sue my best friend.

~~~

Q and A with Marianna.

Elle:  If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone, who would it be?

Marianna: Um, Hubby, because he would keep me from chewing my own arm off and using it as a baton to break free. And Jimmy Fallon. 

Elle: If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?

A. a flame thrower.

B. an unlimited supply of ninja throwing stars. 

C. a chainsaw.

D. a shoelace because you’re bad ass.

E. other and what would it be?

F. none of the above, I want to be a damn zombie!

Marianna: B. Ninja throwing stars sounds good.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or brings you back to your teen years?

Marianna: So many!  Anything from Dance Mix 93, 94, or 95.  Probably the Fast and the Furious soundtrack.  Crabbucket by K-os… look that one up!  Teagan and Sarah are my true fav dancing band though. 

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

Marianna: Young and the Restless.  Except I don’t really feel guilty about that.  Same with the Twilight books (of which I have read 5 times).  Ya know, honestly, it *might* be twitter…

Elle: What’s one of the worst movies you’ve seen?

Marianna: The good thing about bad movies is they’re either so bad they’re GOOD, or you forget them altogether. 

Elle: If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never had to hear about them again, who would it be?

Marianna: SNOOKIE. And the rest of her idiot brigade. 

Elle: A weird habit?

Marianna: I have to turn the tv volume up in even-numbered increments.  I know.  Brutal. 

Elle: What’s one of your favorite books?

Marianna: Jane Eyre!  Lonesome Dove!  And maybe Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. 

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Marianna: Into the Mary Poppins streetchalk painting.  Without that option, Paris. 

~~~

It’s safe to say I’ll be a fairly demanding parent.

When my dear friend Elle began hunting for guest posters, I wasn’t sure I was the best person for the job.  You see, Elle is so sweet, kind, genuine, and funny.  I, on the other hand, am kind of an asshole.

And on top of that, I don’t have kids, so I rarely have helpful advice for her in the parenting department. I’m pretty useless, actually.

HOWEVER, my uterus has been pretty riled up lately, screaming at me to grow something inside it, so I’ve been doing some thinking about what kind of parent I want to be.  Alors, here is my list of goals for my yet-unborn children.

Elle, I know you’ll find this extremely helpful.  You’re welcome.

What my kids will inherit from me:

Remarkable grace.  And the ability to be tolerant, open-minded, and understanding.  They had better not EVER assume that they know the whole story.  They need to hold their judgments.  Unless they’re judging Snookie.  Snookie is an idiot of immense proportion.

What my kids will have to inherit from
someplace else:

The confidence to under-achieve.   What I mean is, the confidence to know they are “successful” even if they don’t over-accomplish every little stupid thing in their whole entire lives.  I don’t want them to lose their marbles like – ahem – someone I know.  I want them be happy, not stressed.

What my kids will inherit from me:

Willingness to read.  I don’t really care what they read, as long as they read something.  I think I might get them started on Twilight.

What my kids will have to inherit from
someplace else:

A distant relationship with television and the internet.  Unless they’re watching Ellen.  Or Jimmy Fallon.  Or So You Think You Can Dance.  Or The Young and The Restless.  Or Roseanne. Or unless they’re blogging.  Or reading blogs. Or watching Youtube. Or tweeting.  No Facebook though.  I HATE Facebook.

What my kids will inherit from me:

Artistic ability. They should write, or draw, or act, or dance, or make macaroni castles. A creative outlet to express themselves is KEY.  As long as they don’t collect old beer cans and build a beer can wall in the backyard, I’ll be on board. Maybe even then.

What my kids will have to inherit from
someplace else:

Athletic ability.  In team sports. With other people.  For the FUN of it.  With Hubby to drive them to their games and practices, because I’m too lazy for that.

What my kids will inherit from me:

Honesty.  They should be straightforward and out-spoken.  Passive aggression annoys me and I won’t receive it well from anyone – fruit of my loins or otherwise.  They should speak their minds.

What my kids will have to inherit from
someplace else:

Politeness.  Those little brats better be nice to people.  They can have their own opinion but they better choose the right time to open their big mouths.

Finally, what my kids will inherit from me:

Intelligence.  They’ll be smart.  I know it. They’ll even be smart enough to know that I’m always right.  Oh… and English and Science and stuff.

And what my kids will have to inherit from
someplace else:

Patience.  I’ll be there IN A MINUTE!  If those little shits yell “Maaahhhhhhmm” one more time I’m gonna LOSE it.

So.  Elle. There you have it.  My top ten list of things all kids oughta be.  Get on it, already, won’t ya?

~If you would like to write a guest post, whether you have a blog or not, email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com. I promise you I don’t bite and the only thing that might possibly make me not want to use your guest post is if you wrote about how you want to be just like Paris Hilton or Snookie.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

4 Responses to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Mary Poppins is a parenting inspiration. Alternate title: Marianna will shank your ass if you eff with her and parenting thoughts from the *almost* left handed amputee.

  1. Chelle August 29, 2011 at 12:39 #

    I don’t know who Snookie is. I have a feeling that this is a good thing. I think your parenting tips are wonderful and I wish some of my friends would actually use them.

    I keep wondering why no one chooses to be a zombie. No one is coming after your brain and you get to chase people and scare the shit out of them.

    Hugs,
    Chelle
    http://www.lifeonthedomesticfront.blogspot.com

  2. Marianna Annadanna August 29, 2011 at 13:23 #

    It IS a good thing that you don’t know who Snookie is. Stay in the dark as long as possible on that one. UNLESS you might become a zombie, in which case you should be able to pick her out of the crowd so you can eat her first.

    PS – Elle! I love love love the double title. Nice job.

  3. Jaime August 29, 2011 at 22:58 #

    with all those answers above… I know exactly why I follow your blog.. and your twitter.. and I now I’m coming off all stalkerish, but I swear I’m not!

    the ONLY thing I might disagree on is the zombie apocalypse question.. I’d totally be running for the chainsaw… you could just swing it around aimlessly and be guaranteed to cut up some zombies… whereas my aim sucks terribly and if I tried to off them with ninja stars (regardless of how cool the name is).. I’d definitely end up zombie dinner.

  4. L.A.C.E. August 30, 2011 at 00:21 #

    lol I love your answers! I read “The Hobbit” to my eldest when he was three/four. Yes, it took a good year to read. I read out loud to him on the bus while I was commuting back and forth to college. I dropped out the second year. It kept him quiet on the bus though lol Oh and he loves to read! all my kids do 😀 Well the baby doesn’t count, he’s too little to know if he likes it or not.

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge