I can always count on my mother-in-law to make me feel stabby.

No matter how much I try to get along with my MIL and keep the peace she apparently doesn’t want the same thing. I swear it’s like she enjoys being awful to me.

After going back and forth several times on whether or not I should tell her about what I’ve been going through with the loss I had as well as the depression I’ve been having, I made the unfortunate decision to tell her.

I had hoped she would understand why I might seem distant and why my emotions will be raw when they come to visit this weekend. I also know that she’s dealt with a miscarriage about 5 years after she had my hubby.

I didn’t just call her up and say hey guess what? We talked for a while and I asked her if she would like to go with me to get a pedicure while the little hummingbird maybe takes her nap Saturday afternoon and my hubby and his dad stay home so they can have some time together.

My MIL sounded less than thrilled since my in-laws don’t seem to believe in doing things separately or having one on one time with my hubby and his sister. They always have to talk on the phone at the same time with them (separate phone calls rarely happen) and I know my hubby adores hanging out with his dad but that’s not something that happens too often either.

While we were talking, one of the things I brought up was that I’ve been showing the little hummingbird pictures of her grandparents. I told my mother-in-law that the hummingbird can’t really say grandma but says pa pa in place of grandpa.

That’s when she said that it’s only fair I teach my little girl to call her mama. I was speechless but in my mind I was thinking are you effing kidding me?! Maybe I’m overreacting but I’m the hummingbird’s maahmeee and there’s no way I think it’s right to have her call her grandmother mama. I had plenty to say when it came to that but I ended up saying something like I’m sure she’ll learn to say grandma soon enough.

After talking some more I brought up that I had miscarried recently and we talked about it for a few minutes. I didn’t expect much from her which was a good thing because she never asked how I was doing and she didn’t say that she was sorry I had been through that. It was odd because she told me that she had actually been through 2 of them and I was the one telling her how sorry I was that she went through that.

I wanted to give her a heads up that my emotions are still pretty raw and so when they visit us this weekend I might not be myself. That’s when she chimed in and said you mean you’ll be more testy than usual then. Really lady?

Last time they were here there was one night when they were getting ready to go to their hotel room. I was flipping through the channels and saw that Ocean’s Eleven was on so I kept that on so I had something to do while they ignored me and were talking with my hubby.

He left the room for something and there was this awkward moment between the three of us. I couldn’t take the awkward silence so I mentioned that Brad Pitt used to be pretty cute back then but Angelina seems to have sucked the hot out of him, then I laughed. They weren’t amused and I thought oh well.

That was the most I had said during their entire visit and if my MIL considers that to be “testy” then so be it. I told my hubby about the conversation I had with his mom (there was more that she said but it’s her typical passive aggressive stuff) and he said what he always says which is “that seems out of character for her”.

I’m not trying to have my husband against his own mother but I always tell him that the way she acts towards me and the types of things she says is actually very typical of her but he just doesn’t want to see it.

So, it looks like when it comes to my in-laws upcoming visit I’ll be on my own as usual. I was talking to my mom about it and she said with what I’m going through, don’t put up with my MIL’s shit like I normally do. With my emotions all over the place this should make for a very long 4 days.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

15 Responses to I can always count on my mother-in-law to make me feel stabby.

  1. Deanna August 31, 2011 at 04:38 #

    I think passive aggressive people are the worst because as a generally nice person I rarely expect their crap so it’s usually later that I realize just how rude they were and later after that when I think up the perfect snappy comeback. Your MIL sounds like a pretty miserable person to be around – hope the visit goes as well as possible and quickly! (Btw, I’m not a mom but I do enjoy reading your blog. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now and am sending good energy your way.)

  2. Gumbygirl August 31, 2011 at 05:45 #

    I hear ya sister…. If you and I make it through this weekend without actually stabbing someone it will be a miracle. This includes the useless gutless husband of mine as well who is totally immune to her nasty comments. God help us!!!!

  3. Jamie August 31, 2011 at 06:53 #

    Your mother in law makes me feel very stabby too! My mother in law does the same thing. I bet they’re best friends and are secretly plotting how to get us to stab them so that we’ll go to jail. It would be worth all 25 years to life in my opinion.

    Stay strong! Good luck these next four days.

  4. Amanda Yavis-Batty August 31, 2011 at 12:51 #

    This is my MIL exactly! I am so sorry someone else has to put up with crap like that!!

  5. Chelle August 31, 2011 at 12:57 #

    I agree with Jamie. I feel stabby just reading your post.

    It took me over 20 years to be “accepted” by my husband’s parents and it only happened when my brother-in-law’s wife did something that they didn’t like. And my kids are all better behaved, which they started remarking on more and more frequently.

    My father in law died last month and I’m very glad that they had gotten close in the last five years. But I still am not quite sure how to talk to my mother in law. Since I’m pretty sure my husband won’t see this reply, I’ll tell you (shhhh) that the in-laws are white trash with money.

    I say just say what you feel this weekend. If she doesn’t like you anyway, what harm can you do? And you have the perfect excuse. You could even be passive-aggressive and say, “SNIF! I’m doing just FINE, thank you so much for asking. The miscarriage didn’t affect me at ALL!” And then burst into tears and run from the room. Maybe you have to fight passive-agressive with passive-aggressive?

    Good luck. You can always shut yourself in a room and entertain yourself by typing out the worst things she has said while she’s there.

    Hugs,
    Chelle
    http://www.lifeonthedomesticfront.blogspot.com

  6. Rachel August 31, 2011 at 13:06 #

    I agree with your mom. Don’t put up with it! As for your husband, he always seems like a great guy, but more than a little oblivious when it comes to his parents. However, that is no excuse when you are constantly telling him. Knowing how you feel about their visits, he should have canceled the trip and told them it was not a good time. They have to respect that. It is your home, you should never be subject to that kind of abuse in your own home. You are going through a really bad time now and need the family that care about you. Not someone who makes even me (never met either of you) stabby. Good luck and hope the plane is diverted to Iceland!

  7. hjsimmons August 31, 2011 at 17:15 #

    OMG!! I am so there with you on the MIL issue. Really, my MIL totally sucks the life out of me and I am drained for days afterwords. I just keep trying to tell myself that she is an unhappy woman and that is why she never says anything positive. But I have just started standing up to her, telling her that I won’t discuss her son with her (if she wants to tell me to make him eat healthier and so on, she needs to do it herself and not go through me), and when she tells me how to raise my own daughter, I now just change the subject or walk away. The woman just doesn’t get it that she is so caustic, rude, negative, and drives me batty!!!
    I will keep you in my prayers dear!! Good luck this weekend, and don’t forget to find some time to giggle in the middle of this! If anything, DON”T picture your in-laws naked. (Totally made me laugh, but really…. not funny.) haha 😉
    Hugs

  8. Christina August 31, 2011 at 21:01 #

    My sister has a mother-in-law just like that, except that they live less than 5 minutes from my sister’s house, so she gets to hear from her mother-in-law every single day. I’m insanely lucky, because my mother-in-law is generally a cool person and lives 1500 miles away.

    Anyway, I’ll be sure to pray for you!

  9. Marianna Annadanna September 1, 2011 at 11:44 #

    I’m sorry. I don’t have any good advice to offer. It’s hard dealing with snooty passive aggression – you can never get through to people like that.

    If it were me?? Hmmm… I wouldn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I was having a hard time. And if/when I snapped on her, I would NOT feel guilty. ESPECIALLY if I warned Hubby and he did nothing to help support me. NO GUILT. My house. My life. My husband. My terms.

  10. City Momma September 2, 2011 at 12:03 #

    OMG. I read this after my comment on your next post. When my MIL comes to visit, I tell myself, “Polite is enough if friendly feels like too much.” And with her, friendly sucked the life out of me.

  11. AMotherhoodblog September 2, 2011 at 17:40 #

    You married him not his parents. Ignore her comments and stick to small talk. Any time my mother in law visits its the same thing. Example last weekend asking how much my dad paid for my daughters bday gift JUST to compare who the better grandparent is I told her i didnt know and doesn’t matter. I really hope we r not one of THOSE mother inlaws one day 🙁

  12. Truth Mama September 3, 2011 at 04:45 #

    Sounds like you have a narcissistic MIL too. Everything is about her right? When we told my MIL that we were expecting for the first time the first thing out of her mouth was, “So I guess this means I’m going to have to add on to the cabin then” in a – I’m such a martyr and this is such a burden for me kind of way. I know what it’s like and it’s awful. Hope you don’t have to stab her this weekend. Good luck!

  13. Mcai7td3 September 3, 2011 at 09:34 #

    I totally understand!! She is like the jellyfish type
    In Bridget Jones diary… They look harmless until they sting you. It comes out of nowhere and you think… What the f! Did that just happen? You then spend the rest of your time nursing the bloody sting whilst the harmless looking jellyfish sits there looking innocent. *Hugs!!!* your mum
    Is right, don’t put up with it. If you’re anything like me though then you always think of the perfect response AFTER it’s happened!

  14. teri September 3, 2011 at 19:21 #

    I do not get your MIL. Seriously, a little compassion would be nice! They are there this weekend, right?! I’m going to check The Twitter right now to see what fresh hell you’ve been going through!

  15. glen April 18, 2013 at 09:24 #

    iv got a mil that is driving me crazy with her comments, we live in her house she lives with her partner. i feel like shes got a hold on my lifeb because of this shes always telling me how lucky i am. because we dont pay rent witch iv offerd many times but she tells me no i couldent the house will cum to my husband after she dies!!! she buys cards for me to give to people for birthdays ect. she tells me how to raise my children . shes walking all over me!! how can i stop it

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge