Oooh that smell. Can’t you smell that smell? The smell of stinky feet that surrounds you.

This embarrassing moment comes from Teri who blogs at Diary of a Mad Hatter and is also one of the editor’s and a writer for our new site, Motherhood Uncovered, which will officially open its doors on the 26th. Yay!

I’ve been stalking reading Teri’s blog for a year now and it’s one of my favorites. It’s so hard to just pick some of the posts I like because I love them all, no matter what she writes about.

So, you should just go to her site and read everything. Need to make dinner tonight? Three words. Order a pizza. That will give you more reading time. If cleaning up will take away from that, just let your family stand around the pizza box and refuse to give them plates.

Baby Bird is the. greatest. post. ever.

What happens at Barbie’s house stays at Barbie’s house ~ You have to see it for yourself. This made me laugh so hard.

Teri has an 11-year-old daughter and is currently going through infertility. After reading her blog for so long and now with us working together on the new site, I’ve felt crushed since she first said that she has PCOS and infertility. I have so much ladder love for her.

                                                         

Q and A with Teri.

Elle: If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?

A. a flame thrower.

B. an unlimited supply of ninja throwing stars.

C. a chainsaw.

D. a shoelace because you’re bad ass.

E. other and what would it be?

F. none of the above, I want to be a damn zombie!

Teri: E – My hands because I’m a badass.

Elle: If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone who would it be?

Teri: A person who can make the elevator not be stuck anymore because OMG I am claustrophobic and I’m going to die just thinking about being stuck in an elevator. Thanks, Elle.

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Teri: Hogwarts.

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

Teri: *Wink*wink*  Also, The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Elle: If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never had to hear about them again, who would it be?

Teri: This is tough…so many to choose from…the pressure…I can’t do it…Celine Dion.

Elle: Which would you rather win? An Oscar, a Grammy, or a Tony.

Teri: Oscar. (So I could say “Have you touched my Oscar Meyer Weiner?”)

Elle: What’s one of your favorite books?

Teri: What is it with all of these questions? I have so many! I’ll go with The Red Tent. No, The Bell Jar. No, Catcher in the Rye. No, Harry Potter. No, Beloved.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or brings you back to your teen years?

Teri: Anything by NKOTB.

Elle: A favorite non-mommy activity?

Teri: *wink*wink*

Elle: What’s a favorite book that you like to read to your kids?

Teri: Love You Forever, OBVIOUSLY.

Elle: What kids cartoon or character makes you want to bang your head against a spike?

Teri: Pokemon. Pokemon. Pokemon.

Elle: What’s one of your favorite movies?

Teri: Steel Magnolias.

                                                         

I don’t really have a witty title for this. 

by Teri

I had to go to the doctor unexpectedly to have my lady parts examined.

Because it was unexpected that means that I didn’t prepare ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.

If you don’t it means that I didn’t shave or bring socks.

My biggest problem was the shoes I wore that should have been thrown out months ago because they stink to high heaven when I take them off but I haven’t been able to throw them out yet because they are cute. This is the same reason God makes babies cute so when they stink you don’t throw them away. It’s basic instinct, people.

I realized I was wearing my cute stinky shoes about halfway to my appointment. Given that I was already 10 minutes late I decided I would give my feet a good body spraying before I got out of the car and hope for the best.

The reason this is a big deal? If you don’t know then you are probably not a lady. Because if you were then you would know that when you get your lady parts looked at they make you take EVERYTHING off. They don’t explicitly say “take off your shoes” and I considered not taking them off but I thought it would be a little awkward for the doctor to examine me, completely naked, wearing a pair of snake skin pumps.

When I took off my shoes the stench was overwhelming. The body spray did not work. So I did what any respectable woman would do in that situation.

I washed my feet with the disposable wet wipes they have so you can freshen your lady parts.

I never wanted a pap smear to be over so quickly in my entire life. I kept thinking that she knew that I washed my feet with vagina wipes. I did my best to stuff the evidence as far down in the trash can as I could but it was hard because I didn’t really want to stick my hand in too deep and risk touching something that would give me herpes.

My doctor came in the room and washed her hands.

She did her thing.

I was cautiously optimistic that I had been successful.

Until she washed her hands for the second time and kind of did a double take in the trash can.

That’s when I realized that she probably uses this room all day and didn’t have many other patients today being that it is a holiday week so it was pretty obvious that I
was the only one who used all of the vagina wipes. I’m sure she was thinking that I didn’t look that clean down there. Or perhaps my flowery smelling feet now made sense. I don’t know. I don’t care.

I don’t want to think about it.

Stop making me talk about it already!

I normally don’t have a hard time looking the gyno in the eye after she has examined my nether regions but this time?

I stared at the diagram on the wall.

The one I usually avoid.

The one of the pretty vagina.

I came home and washed the shame off of me by putting on my yoga pants and t-shirt.

I tossed the whole outfit in the trash.

Burning day is tomorrow.

Metaphorically speaking.

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14 Responses to Oooh that smell. Can’t you smell that smell? The smell of stinky feet that surrounds you.

  1. Wombat Central September 20, 2011 at 10:52 #

    I seriously don’t think gynos get paid enough to see and smell all the things they do. That said, it was mighty considerate of you to attempt to unstink your pinkies.

    • teritruly September 20, 2011 at 19:00 #

      All I can do is try! 🙂

  2. Chelle September 20, 2011 at 12:29 #

    I have shoes that I can’t bear to throw away but don’t wear anymore because when I do, they stink. Even just hanging it from my toes and letting a heel out lets the stink out.

    So I can totally relate to worrying about what the lady doctor was thinking when she came into the room. Except…if she’s a LADY doctor, then she probably understood completely.

    I think you should hold your head up high and get some new shoes. I hear leather doesn’t stink as bad as the cheap ones that I keep buying. But who can afford to do that?

    Chelle
    http://www.lifeonthedomesticfront.blogspot.com

    • teritruly September 20, 2011 at 22:15 #

      I’m a Payless kind of gal myself – I like to have a lot of shoes…but I think that I probably should start just having a few really nice ones…although that seems like a lot of pressure to decide on only a few. I’ve heard (in my head) that wearing sneakers with dress pants is coming back in style so maybe I could just do that too.

  3. April September 20, 2011 at 15:56 #

    Love it! Been there with the stinky shoes!

    • teritruly September 20, 2011 at 22:16 #

      Glad I’m not alone!!! 🙂

  4. Kristy H September 20, 2011 at 17:36 #

    I had a pair of shoes like that, wore them to work everyday! One day, I was working with 2 male coworkers, and was flipping my shoe on and off when I caught whiff of a gross stench….. and so did one of the coworkers! I was SO embarrassed that i was playing it off it must of been something in the trash, and right after work went out and bought a new pair of shoes AND Odor Eaters, lol!
    And I agree, Gyno’s do NOT get paid enough when having to look, see and smell the things they look at every day!

    • teritruly September 20, 2011 at 22:18 #

      That’s why I felt doubly bad about the stinky feet! She already had to look at my unprepared lady parts! Ack! Stop making me think about it! 😀

  5. immunod19 September 21, 2011 at 02:26 #

    LMAO – OMW – I actually had a gynie appointment today – and because I didnt bring socks I’ve cancelled – will go see him early next week!!! SOCKS IN HAND!

    • teri September 21, 2011 at 19:54 #

      I now *always* bring socks – the nurse at my infertility doctor told me that I was the only one who did that…she said people either leave their shoes on or go barefoot…I can’t imagine leaving my shoes on while having work done down there…!

  6. Cheryl @ Coffee with Cheryl September 21, 2011 at 06:30 #

    Oh, you are far braver than I! I would have called and rescheduled. I can’t stand the thought of someone seeing my lady parts without them being “dolled up”! Add feet stink into the works, and I would have been hiding my head in the dirt.

    • teri September 21, 2011 at 19:55 #

      If it wasn’t urgent I totally would have cancelled because it was mortifying!!!

  7. Elle's Mom September 21, 2011 at 17:12 #

    That is so funny. I had a favorite pair of shoes that smelled gawd awful. Loved them though. When I took them off, the smell of my feet made me gag. Ha! That’s pretty bad.

    • teri September 21, 2011 at 19:56 #

      Elle’s Mom, I pink puffy heart love you!

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