It’s been about 8 weeks since I miscarried and I’m still reeling over it. I still cry at least once a day over this being that I’ll never meet. My hubby won’t talk about it so I thought the best thing to do is write down what I’ve said to him in the last several weeks to get everything out.
I only knew you existed for such a short time and while it was so hard for me, I thought my feelings about your loss would start to be more manageable, not get worse like it has.
I keep thinking about when I saw the little hummingbird when I was 9 weeks along and while she was difficult to make out on the sonagram pictures and being pregnant seemed so surreal, I look at her now and I’m amazed by this person I was a part of creating.
I know you would have been just as incredible.
I’ve had baby names picked out for you for quite a while.
If you were a boy, and something in my gut says you were, we would have named you Benjamin, Ben for short.
If you were a girl, your name would have been Claire.
I’m really trying not to dwell on this but I think about how I would have been a little over 3 months pregnant. I would have been in the “safe” zone now and would be able to tell people of your existence.
But I can’t.
And it kills me.
I was so shocked when I found out about you since it was such a surprise but the shock wore off within a day.
You’re constantly on my mind and my heart has been ripped to shreds.
I want to tell you that I love you and I always will.
I know my love for you will never go away but I hope the pain I have of your loss will get somewhat easier to handle….