Bend over and cough.

*This guest post comes from Jamie who blogs at Life Is Better With Me In It and first did a guest post back in July where she came up with her own parenting instructions, started doing her parentertaining advice column in September, Ask Jamie, with the first one being A rabid toddler werewolf, a little Barney, and baby Gaga, and she’s also a contributing writer for Motherhood Uncovered.


It all started after my mom’s birthday party, which by the way was big! We had family, friends, people I didn’t even know, all at our house. My mom and dad let my cousin and I leave for the night to meet up with some friends, while the adults continued to hang out. We first went to a party, and no not an innocent party, one with drugs and alcohol. We didn’t feel comfortable, so we quickly left and went to this guys house who I had been on a date with once who was having a bunch of our mutual friends over to watch a boxing match (Tim, aka my husband).

I had only been to his house once before and he had driven me there, so naturally I had no idea where I was going or where his house was. I found the street he lived on but I couldn’t find the house, so I called him and asked him to come out and wave me down. I made a u-turn, saw him standing on his porch, and then saw red and blue lights in my rearview mirror.

Like a good citizen I quickly pulled over and complied with the officer when he asked for my license and registration. I was pretty embarrassed that I had been pulled over and all my friends were watching from the porch three doors down (along with some nosey neighbors who had come outside), but the icing on the cake was when the officer had me exit the car and handcuffed me.

Why you may ask? Well did you know that when you don’t pay a ticket within 14 days they put a warrant out for your arrest? 17-year-old me found that out the hard way when I was 16 days late on paying a ticket for failure to make a complete stop at a stop sign. I was put in the back of the cop car and hauled away to county jail, while my cousin was left on the side of the road with my car and my cell phone calling my mom to tell her what happened.

So, I arrived at the county jail, completely traumatized and bawling and pleading with the officer to let me go. I kept telling him I was an A-B student, I got good grades so that should be enough to let me go home. But it wasn’t, imagine that!  I was lined up against a wall, next to a gross looking lady who smelled and looked like a crack whore.

We began to get processed, and that’s when I discovered I had been mistaken for the crack whore who I had been standing next to. I tried to tell them they had me mixed up with someone else, but my pleading fell on deaf ears and the warden just gave me a lecture about hanging out with people who did crack.

My clothes were taken, I was told to bend over and cough, the whole nine yards!!! I was destroyed at this point. But the embarrassment didn’t stop there. I was then put in a holding cell with about five others, including the crack whore who asked me if I knew her daughter and soon fell asleep using the toilet paper as a pillow. And the cherry in the cake was when she had to “take a dump” in our tiny cell. It smelled.

I spent four of the longest hours of my life in that cell, begging and pleading with God for SOMEONE, ANYONE to come and rescue me. Soon my name was called and the officer told me I was leaving, my parents were here to bail me out.

The embarrassment of that night has never fulling left me. I freak out when I see police officers, I’m slightly claustrophobic now, and before I leave the house I look in the mirror and ask myself “could I be mistaken as a crack whore in this?”. Anything to prevent me from bending over and coughing again.

– If you need parentertaining advice from Jamie, email her at askjamiequestions at gmail dot com.

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One Response to Bend over and cough.

  1. SunshinesMommie October 7, 2011 at 17:21 #

    Wow, Jaime. I am. So. Sorry! That has to be the suckiest most embarrassing thing ever!! That would be terrible. Hate to be a crack whore’s cell mate!

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