*Here is the first guest post my mom did back in May.
I like to have some white noise while I sleep so I always keep a fan on in my bedroom. For several mornings I would wake up to the sound of something in my bedroom.
It would drive me crazy and I wasn’t able to figure out where it was coming from. I would look everywhere and couldn’t find anything.
On occasion it would also happen in the middle of the night. One night while fast asleep I was awakened to what sounded like a bird fluttering its wings.
I grabbed my flashlight, turned off the fan, and walked slowly through each room.
I went back to bed and sat there for a while.
I said f—k it, turned the fan back on, and tried to go to sleep. All of a sudden I realized the noise was coming from my fan.
Boy, did I feel like an idiot.
Yummy Pepperoni Pasta Salad
Me: So, what are you up to mom?
Mom: I’m making pasta salad.
Me: Ooooh, yum!
Mom: With pepperoni.
Me: You have to email me the recipe because that sounds so good. Remember to also send that story about that noise you kept on hearing for weeks and then it ended up being your fan. Hahahahahahaha!
Mom: Yeah, I feel like an idiot. I promise, I will.
Me: So what else is in the pasta salad?
Mom: You can really put anything you want in there. I like adding croutons.
Me: Croutons are awesome.
Mom: The thing is because they hurt my teeth, I have to smash the shit out of the croutons before I add them to anything but I still get the flavor.
Me: You what?
Mom: I smash my croutons with a hammer until they turn into a powder.
Me: Mom, seriously?
Me: Well what’s the point of eating croutons when they’re all powdery. Maybe you should pull a Lindsay Lohan and just snort the croutons. You might get more flavor.
Mom: Haha, smartass.