Writer’s block. I have it.

*This post might seem disjointed and all over the place. Sorry about that.

I’ve had massive writer’s block for the past several weeks. It’s because I recently started a couple of new medications and I’ve been feeling like a zombie. Minus the whole brain eating which is a good thing because I’m sure the blood stains I would get on my clothes would be a pain in the ass to remove.

I’m sitting here watching Under The Tuscan Sun for the second time today in a daze while the little hummingbird is supposed to be napping but instead she’s running around her room causing havoc since she now has a big girl bed.

Here’s the thing. I haven’t felt “right” for several years and I would tell doctors but they either wouldn’t listen or they would say nothing was wrong. It was my ENT doctor aka Dr. Cool who actually listened to the problems I was having. I love that guy. He set me up with another doctor and I recently found out that I have fibromyalgia.

I was put on Cymbalta and after that I went to Dr. Cool because my face still feels like it’s on fire and he thinks I have nerve damage which was caused by the two sinus surgeries I’ve had. So he put me on a med that I take three times a day.

Enter Zombie Mom.

The two medications are kicking my ass while I get used to them. I am so spaced out and probably the laziest mom right now because the meds make me feel so exhausted. I’m scheduled to see a pain management doctor the first week of November and it can’t come soon enough. Maybe he can give me something that doesn’t make me as zombie-ish.

I’m feeling really sucky because several of us have worked so hard to start the group website, Motherhood Uncovered, and now here I am feeling like Courtney Love and Linsay Lohan’s love child. I know the most important thing is to concentrate on my health when it comes to fibromyalgia.

For the people who don’t really know or understand what it is, there are times when I have these pain flare ups and it feels like my body is battling against itself. Other times it hurts to do the simplest things like get out of bed. There are even days when my skin feels so sensitive and my body hurts so much that I can’t even wear my wedding ring or put on my watch.

There’s so much more to it but I won’t bore you to death.

On one hand I’m glad that I finally found that there is something wrong after all. I had to battle so many doctors who didn’t think there was a problem. On the other hand, fuck! Finding out I have fibromyalgia has been a hard thing to deal with emotionally, especially since there’s been so many other things going on.

I also feel like I’m letting down everyone at MU because here I am, the “boss lady”, and right now while my body is getting used to the meds, I just don’t feel like I’m doing as much as I should be.

So, while I’m getting used to these meds I thought about having some more guest bloggers on my site since I’ll be writing sporadically for the next few weeks. In August I asked you to write about your most embarrassing moments and I loved every post.

This time I’ll give you more than one option. If you don’t like anything I suggest then you can just write about anything you want. And if you’re new to my blog, you don’t have to have your own blog to write a post.

1. Write about your worst date. Or you can write about a relationship you had where you now look back and say to yourself What in the hell was I thinking by dating this guy?!

2. Write about your proudest moment.

3. Write about your favorite vacation or your vacation from hell.

4. Write about a holiday from hell.

If you want to remain anonymous then just let me know. Email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com.

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6 Responses to Writer’s block. I have it.

  1. siggiofmaine October 14, 2011 at 10:32 #

    Thank you for sharing…I am so sorry that you feel so lousy…from the fibromyalgia and the medications. Hopefully the doctor can find with something less side effects for you so you can feel more lively.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers….it’s been a long time, but I can remember being sick with a toddler running around. They don’t seem to slow down for anyone !

    ☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine

  2. Susan October 14, 2011 at 11:20 #

    Wow. Thanks for sharing this. My Mom was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 15 years ago before it was really in our vocabularies. No one knew what to do with her so they put her on steroids just made it worse. So you probably are exhausted from the chronic fatigue element of it, not to mention meds, and then also that brain fog stuff.

    We’ve found holistic treatments seem to work best – though she still follows the advise and regimen of her regular doctor as well. Massage, sometimes a heating pad on the legs, stretches, lots of water, vitamins, Rolfing, meditation…

    The good and bad news is different things work for different people so you have lots of options. It could also be a great time to reconnect your mind to your body.

    Don’t shame spiral too much. Though I know if I were in your position, I would too. I hate feeling like I’m letting people down. But maybe it’s a good platform to share what you’re going through with people who have no clue what’s wrong with them or need to know it’s okay to have limitations sometimes.

  3. Chelle October 14, 2011 at 11:37 #

    Elle,

    I am SO sorry to hear this. I have been fighting fibro for the last 25 years and it really sucks. I think I also have chronic fatigue syndrome, as I have a lot of the same symptoms that they describe. Being chronically ill just really is the pits.

    I’m in the 5th circle of vacation hell right now because we have guests with little kids (6 and 21 months) and I am SO not used to little kids anymore! I can’t imagine fibro with little kids, so you have to be exhausted with your little hummingbird. Please feel free to drop me a note in my email anytime if you want to whine/vent/complain/vent in general about anything.

    Gentle hugs,
    Chelle

  4. Annie October 14, 2011 at 12:15 #

    I am sorry to hear that you are struggling right now to get your body back on track. Don’t worry about letting people down. Everyone understands…or they should. The main thing is to get well and take it easy. Let your body heal…even though that is easier said than done when you have children. We will still be here reading when you toss something our direction. Take care.

  5. Elle October 16, 2011 at 01:03 #

    Thank you all so much, ladies! What you’ve said means alot. xoxo

  6. Luna October 17, 2011 at 14:08 #

    Fibro sucks. I’ve mostly recovered now, but if I get triggered, it’s welcome to flare land. For me, triggers are mostly avoidable – gluten is the worst. I test negative for Celiac Disease on blood screens, but my biopsy was positive. Anyway, off of gluten and away from various other triggers and I’m fine.

    My doc and I are convinced that Fibro is an autoimmune reaction to Something and that Something is different in everyone and probably isn’t limited to one thing. If you’re lucky, like me, it’s something you can avoid most of the time. But it could be something like car exhaust or dust mites or something in tap water, and then good luck, sister!

    Anyway, good luck with it. It’s not easy but you can work with it. I taught my daughter to climb up on chairs for hugs. 🙂

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