A blind date from hell with a guy wearing mom jeans and a bad dye job.

This guest post comes from Kim who is the author of the awesome blog Hardtales. Kim needs an award for being as nice as she was with the blind date from hell, especially after the text message he sent her when she declined a second date.

Q and A with Kim.

Elle: If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone who would it be?

Kim: I am afraid of elevators, so I try to take the stairs.

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Kim: Right now, in the thick of Fall…Northern Vermont.

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

Kim: Easy. US Weekly. And Gummi Cola Bottles.

Elle: If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never have to hear about them again, who would it be?

Kim: Lindsay Lohan.

Elle: Which would you rather win? An Oscar, a Grammy, or a Tony.

Kim: An Oscar…just to have walked the red carpet in a ridiculously beautiful gown and hot shoes.

Elle: What’s one of your favorite books?

Kim: Blood, Bones and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or brings you back to your teen years?

Kim: Bizarre Love Triangle (New Order).

Elle: A favorite non-mommy activity?

Kim: Ripping through the woods on my bike.

Elle: What’s a favorite book that you like to read to your kids?

Kim: Where the Wild Things Are (Max is my son’s namesake).

Elle: What kids cartoon or character makes you want to bang your head against a spike?

Kim: Caillou!! ~ I think I have a girl crush on Kim – Elle

Elle: What’s one of your favorite movies?

Kim: “Once” (sigh…I think I need to watch it again soon) ~ Yep, I definitely have a girl crush on Kim now. – Elle

                    

A Blind Date From Hell.

After a rather long and unwieldy string of bad dates, dead-end set-ups by well meaning friends, and stalkerish attempts at “relationships”, I finally braved my first blind date ever.

Adam & I agreed to meet in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor on an unusually warm and sunny day in late February.

Baltimore is a two hour drive for me, but my dating skills (or lack thereof) desperately needed sharpening so I charged down I95 with an open mind and tunes blaring.

What I first noticed upon meeting Adam was his odd choice of hair dye and the fact that he was wearing Mom Jeans.

He was wearing Mom Jeans.

Open mind open mind open mind…don’t judge don’t judge don’t judge.

Adam suggested lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and my heart sank as we walked past a charming bistro and a cool sushi joint.

Really, Adam??…I drove to Inner Harbor to have lunch at the Cheesecake Factory?

As we waited for our meals, Adam proceeded to set up his travel Scrabble game on the table.

Open mind open mind…

“Please don’t get this greasy,” he chided.

Scrabble was awful…I wanted so badly to make lewd words, but my letters weren’t cooperating. Needless to say, I am more of an Apples to Apples or Cranium kind of girl…usually accompanied by good friends and hoppy adult beverages.

Adam was a slow eater and an even slower, yet very serious Scrabble competitor.

As the check arrived, our awkward conversation grinded to a halt and Adam began to clean up his game.

“Would you mind helping me put this away?” he said.

I paid the check (tip, too…rrrrrrrr!) and plotted my quick exit.

“How bout I take you out for some ice cream since you paid for lunch?” he offered.

“Oh, no thanks…I have to get on the road. Long drive.”

We shook hands and he leaned in for a hug, insisting we meet again sometime soon.

I could smell the hair dye.

Frantically, I darted across the street to score some cash from an ATM for tolls on my drive home.

Adam texted me that evening to make sure I made it home safely.

When I declined a second date, he replied with this gem via text, “You are the most boring person I have ever met. You should really do something about that mole next to your eye. It’s very distracting and unattractive.”

That was my first and only blind date.

I haven’t played Scrabble since.

And I’m getting married this spring to my Best First Date Ever.

Thanks for reading!

~ If you would like to write a guest post then drop me an email at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com.

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7 Responses to A blind date from hell with a guy wearing mom jeans and a bad dye job.

  1. MG October 18, 2011 at 00:33 #

    Hilarious. I love the repeating of “He’s wearing mom jeans” in fact, that’s why I popped over from the spohrs site. Classic.

  2. Sara October 18, 2011 at 08:49 #

    It’s nice to see you here, Kimbo! Miss you lots.

  3. MK October 18, 2011 at 09:19 #

    ahahahahahahaha. out of all the disaster dates I’ve heard, this is one of my favorites.

  4. SunshinesMommie October 18, 2011 at 10:09 #

    You are awesome Kim!! I am super glad that you have found the love of your life. No more lameass men for you!! Except when he’s your husband. Than you can claim “asshatness.”
    Great post!

  5. Kim October 18, 2011 at 10:28 #

    thanks, all…
    wow! Glad my loathesome/cringe-worthy/ true story brought a little humor to your day. Thanks, Elle, for giving me a good reason to document this horrendous account for one and for all!
    Kim

  6. Annie October 18, 2011 at 14:59 #

    Wonderful story about the blind date. I’ve had my share of those disastrous dates too. Glad your life has a happy dating ending though I can’t help wonder what happened to Mom Jeans? What a rude text he sent you, but makes for a great story!

  7. Wombat Central October 19, 2011 at 05:58 #

    I hope you countered his mole comments with a word or ten about his mom jeans and bored–I mean board games on dates. What a tool!

    Congrats on the best first date ever fiance!

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