Why do these twisted a-holes have to torture us with obnoxious cartoons?! Because they’re sadistic bastards, that’s why.

I’m sure we’ve all been there. Needing to take a shower or inhale some food and having to find some distraction for our kids in the meantime. Enter the cartoons from hell. As you might know if you’ve been reading my blog for some time, the little hummingbird was absolutely obsessed with Caillou.

I never knew I could hate a little kid, despite one that was animated. Caillou is the biggest little effer I’ve come across. I got to the point where I would rather chop off my own arm and eat it rather than even hear the sound of his voice. He tortured me for months but since mommyhood can be painful, I put up with it because he made the hummingbird happy as well as distracting her so I wouldn’t make myself gag from lack of hygiene.

I vented on this here blog by doing a few Caillou cartoons; I’m just a kid who’s 4. Each day I whine some more. I torture parents. I’m Caillou. and Bill the squirrel and his big nuts vs. Caillou. So, he ends up decapitated in both…a mom can dream, right?

I even put a smile on my face and on the little hummingbirds 2nd BIRTHDAY!!, we got her a Caillou birthday cake.

There’s also been cartoons she’s watched like Max and Ruby and all I want to do is yell at the television Where in the hell are your parents!!! Thankfully the hummingbird hasn’t taken a liking to Barney because holy hell, I would lose my shit.

A few months ago, in my quest to find something that wasn’t as obnoxious as Caillou, I DVR’d several kids shows. There was Yo Gabba Gabba – what in the hell are these people smoking? Dora The Explorer – We were only a few minutes in when I wanted to smash my television…and a few others that I’ve burned from my memory.

I tried to have her get on board with my all time favorite, The Smurfs, but my daughter wasn’t having any of it. As much as *enter Whitney Houston singing* I-I-I-I-I will alwaaaayyyyssss loooooove Sesame Street, my little girl seems over that show already. Sniff. Then we came across a cartoon that didn’t make me want to pull a Dexter.

Little Bear.

Photo Credit: Nick Jr.

Sure I can feel stabby when the hummingbird wants to watch it over and over and over again but it’s the first kids show, besides the older Sesame Street episodes, where I don’t feel like jumping out of the window. It’s a total win-win.

None of the characters on the show really whine, the music is soft and gentle, and it’s not Caillou! As my 2 year-old says, HOORAY! It’s not perfect but this mama will take it over all the other shows out there.

That is until the hummingbird moves on to something else even more obnoxious and annoying, like Justin Bieber. Then you’ll find me eating my own arm.

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21 Responses to Why do these twisted a-holes have to torture us with obnoxious cartoons?! Because they’re sadistic bastards, that’s why.

  1. Dysfunctional Mom October 22, 2011 at 16:32 #

    I want to stab Caillou. Thankfully, my youngest kid has already outgrown him. And moved on to Justin Freaking Beiber. Yay! But now I don’t have to grit my teeth and pretend to like it. She knows I hate the Beiber.

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:59 #

      I will never understand the whole Beiber fever thing. He’s an annoying little beepity beep.

  2. Chelle October 22, 2011 at 16:34 #

    Oh my god, my oldest son was into Barney and it made me want to stab the television. My middle son, geez, I can’t remember, I’ve blocked it out. The youngest one loved Thomas the Tank Engine, Pooh, and earlier, yes, Dora the Explorer, which made me want to stab the writers and the people who did the voices.

    Kids cartoons, in general, make me stabby. I think they should all be the old Looney Tunes or nothing.

    So glad I am past this stage of my kids’ lives! Sorry you have to live with Caillou. I can honestly say I’ve never seen it. And I am not having a hard time with that fact!

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:52 #

      My younger sister loved Barney. I wanted to put a hit out on him!. 😉

  3. Kim October 22, 2011 at 20:00 #

    my son made up his own words to the Caillou theme, “I am a dork and I have one hair on my head I’m Caillllooooou…I am a dork and I have a dorky cartoon I’m Cailloouuuu…” this was a couple years ago, when he was an immature four year-old 😉
    Little Bear was a big hit around here back then. Now as a first-grader, his faves are Scooby Doo and Adventure Time (Adventure Time is BRILLIANT).
    I am still a fan of the PBS standbys (Arthur, Sesame Street, Curious George), but what do I know? My kid quotes Napoleon Dynamite…clearly, I’m no expert.

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:51 #

      That Caillou them he made up is hilarious! 🙂

  4. Sarah K October 23, 2011 at 10:32 #

    Our kids watch cartoons on PBS or Netflix. We cut off our cable almost a year ago. My husband should have just cut my arms off and beat me with them. We love love love Shaun the Sheep on Netflix and have rediscovered classics like the Pink Panther and Rocky and Baldankle (that is what my daughter calls it). On PBS Curious George, Martha Speaks and Super Why are always a hit. I love Yo Gabba and want DJ Lance to share what he’s smoking with me.

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:50 #

      Someone suggested Shaun the Sheep to me before but we haven’t watched it yet. After you get what DJ Lance is smoking, promise to share some with me? 😉

  5. mayfly79 October 23, 2011 at 11:18 #

    AGH, Caillou! Why must he be the whiniest brat ever?? I heard enough of that from my own son, lol. I was so glad when he moved on to Little Einsteins, and then Phineas & Ferb – best ever. Now he’s all about Pink Panther, which I loved when I was little. Next time you’re tempted to eat your own arm, instead try bashing in the TV with your head. Much more satisfying.

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:46 #

      Lol!

      I’ve tried to get my little one to watch the older cartoons that I grew up with but she just likes to torture me.

  6. happinessafterheartache October 24, 2011 at 07:33 #

    Fortunately, the twins are completely obsessed with Sesame Street. I was just telling Tim yesterday how lucky we are that we get to watch it again without feeling like crazy grown ups. “It’s for the kids”. 🙂 They recently discovered a love for Dinosaur Train (thanks, Papa), even though much of the plot/facts are a little over their heads. Other than that, I haven’t introduced them to any other cartoons (other than Disney movies), and they haven’t discovered them on their own yet. 🙂

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:43 #

      The hummingbird was obsessed with Elmo and Sesame Street for awhile and I thought it was so cool that I actually remembered some of the episodes from when I was a kid. Elmo started to make me feel stabby though and then my daughter lost interest.

      While Little Bear is the least obnoxios I’ve seen so far, my little girl loves one episode in particular and just wants to watch it over and over again. GAH!

  7. Alicia October 24, 2011 at 12:57 #

    I think the worst cartoon is Wonder Pets. Obnoxious songs, stupid plot lines, and worst of all, a duck with a speech impediment. Really?!! Thank goodness Ava doesn’t watch it! She’s all about Dora and Diego, which aren’t that great, but at least I can deal with them!

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:38 #

      Wonder Pets make me want to rip my eyes out. Lol!

  8. Notmyyearoff October 26, 2011 at 08:09 #

    Do you have In the Night garden over there? My LO loves it. Bloody Iggle Piggle. I think about him a lot! And not in a good way!

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:37 #

      That was one of the shows I recorded in my quest to find something different. I think it’s so funny how we as parents want to stab ourselves over then damn kid shows but our children love them. 🙂 xx

  9. Patti October 26, 2011 at 18:22 #

    Calliou. Monstrous little bald kid. Wish his parents would swat him!

    I’ve always loved Little Bear especially once the naughty monkey Mitzi shows up! If it ever loses it’s magic, another pre-k cartoon that was enjoyable is called Kipper the Dog. Wish I could go back in time and watch my son watching Kipper. Give it a look-see on youtube. It may possibly be another cartoon that will keep you from having to amputate parts of your body.

    • Elle October 27, 2011 at 17:33 #

      I’ve seen Kipper but of course he must not be obnoxious enough for my daughter since it doesn’t hold her interest. 😉

  10. Kindle October 27, 2011 at 21:35 #

    Omfg. Calliou makes my ears bleed! My 5 month old can be having a complete break down and the second he heard the calliou intro he stops crying and goes into a trance. I’m convinced there is a player that only babies can hear that telling them how to be bad.

  11. Sheri D October 31, 2011 at 17:47 #

    I’ll add my voice… Caillou drives me nuts too. On YouTube there are a startling number of “dislikes” on the caillou videos. My 2.5 yo also also likes Kipper and Little Einsteins, and they aren’t as bad, but the theme song lingers all day.
    My husband amuses us by making up macabe reasons that Caillou is bald. I would just like to know WTH happened to that cat. Gilbert is almost as horrifying as Lady Elaine.

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