Guest Post: Apologizing for having my kids.

This guest post comes from the awesome Chistene who is the writer of her blog Confessions From The Crib.

Here’s a post that’s perfect for Halloween – Lay Off The Candy. Enjoy Halloween and have that chocolate!

Other posts from Christene: Why My Children’s Goldfish Scares Me. Absolute must reads are Fake It Til You Make It. 25 Things I Love About Being Pregnant. 25 Things I Hate About Being Pregnant.

Q and A with Christene.

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Christene: Narnia! It was my favorite place to fantasize about as a kid, and I have never forgotten it.

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

Christene: I love watching Desperate Housewives. We DVR it, and I watch while the kids are having their afternoon nap on the weekend.

Elle: What’s one of your favorite books?’

Christene: Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Elle: A favorite non-mommy activity?

Christene: Going out with my best friend and having frozen yogurt and then coffee, while catching up.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or brings you back to your teen years?

Christene: My Sharona by The Knack is the BEST dance around your kitchen while cleaning song.

Apologizing for having my kids.

by Christene

Being pregnant with my second child I constantly felt as though I needed to apologize for having kids. I was surrounded by people who have no children, have no desire for them, and seem to harbor disdain towards pregnancy, children, and any homemaker aspect of my existence.

I am aware that half of this post is being penned purely by hormones and emotion, but I cannot help feeling as if these people see my love for my children and my role as a wife and mother as something to be treated with contempt.

The other day one such person in my life found out one of my friends just gave birth to her fourth child, which I deem to be quite admirable. Being a stay at home mom with four children is no easy task; the mere mention of the patience and energy such a role demands would be enough to make most people swoon.

This person gasped and asked “what’s wrong with her?” I had no reply. It never crossed my mind to assume there was anything wrong with her. She loves her children. Just like I love mine. Does this mean that this person also questions what is wrong with me for being on my second?

Probably.

Unlike my friend, I am not a stay at home mom. I have a full time job, and I constantly felt that my impending maternity leave was causing quite a grumble. I will be the first to admit that it in fact placed an added burden on those who had to pick up the slack, but Iwould gladly do it for them if they were in my situation.

However, I do not see any of them in this position any time soon. They seem to be abhorred by the entire process, viewing it as strange and burdensome.

I did not ask for time off to go to the doctor, but instead diligently schedule my doctor appointments around my work schedule. I did not ask for any special treatment because I was pregnant; I performed my tasks as before, even the physical ones. I took as short a maternity leave as possible, and did not take time away from my work for anything child/baby related.

I did not get any compensation during maternity leave. However, after all that was said and done, I still felt there was a negative stigma attached to my pregnancy. It is as if people do not understand how pregnancy works. How childbearing works. What being a mother is all about. I feel like I have to say I am sorry, but this is the life I chose.

~If you would like to write a guest post, email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com. xx

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2 Responses to Guest Post: Apologizing for having my kids.

  1. Alison November 4, 2011 at 09:34 #

    I love the childless people who respond to any grumble as, “Well, you chose to have them.” I don’t remember that I made similar comments when you spoke about having to drop your dog off at doggy day care.

  2. Sarah K. November 13, 2011 at 19:43 #

    I understand how you feel. There are several people in my office that are children haters. When I was pregnant with my 4th my manager asked me if I knew how to avoid getting pregnant. One of my closest friends tried to get pregnant for over s years and then gave up. She now resents all children. I love my children. They make my life full and worth getting out if bed each day.

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