The hummingbird and I are sick again and since I like to rock out with my sock out, I thought it would be awesome to get a double ear infection instead of just the one I had in my left ear and top it off with a raging sinus infection, ’cause that’s how I roll, yo.
Needless to say, there’s a lot of sleepless nights and toddler snot. Lots o’ toddler snot. When she first got sick I was covered in it but not as much now. Seeing as how I’m still scrubbing off the layers of my hummingbird’s runny nose, here are the top places she loves to wipe it.
I’m sure you’ll be thanking me for this nasty list and I hope you’re not hungry. At least you won’t be after reading this.
See, this is what happens as far as writing goes when you feel like you’ve been sick forever AND you’re shooting back some codeine.
Lets get this party started.
The couch – It took me 9 months to pick out our couch. Part of it was when I was in my third trimester so you can imagine how thrilled my husband was when he had to take his very pregnant and
psycho hormonal wife couch shopping.
I didn’t lay my eyes on *the one* until after we had the little hummingbird. That was back when it didn’t even cross my mind that toddler snot would be almost as important as obsessing over my daughter’s poop. Over 2 years later, no matter how much I scrub, our once nice red couch has white spots all over.
It looks like my hubby and I are constantly having sex on it and in every which way. On the arm of the couch, the pillows, the top of the couch, and down at the bottom which would make for a very uncomfortable sexual position. So to whoever visits us, the couch isn’t covered in “wet spots”, it’s toddler snot. Hmmm….I’m not sure which is worse.
The cats – Our cat Maisy gets it worse than our little kitten Penny and there have been several times when I’ve caught the little hummingbird nose diving into Maisy and wiping her nose across the side of her. She’ll also go in for a kiss on top of the cat’s head and smear it in between her ears. Maisy’s always a trooper and just lets her wipe away.
My pillow – This is usually the first place my little girl will snot up when she’s getting sick. It’s normally in the middle of the night and I’m about to drop dead so I’ll bring her into our room and try to get her back to sleep. I always think I’ll be able to cuddle up with her but after a few minutes she thinks it’s time to party.
I’ll turn on Little Bear and as she starts to settle down, she’ll swiiiiiiipe her runny nose all over my pillow. I’m usually too tired to care so once we finally get her back in her own bed, I just flip my pillow over and drop dead from exhaustion.
Me – I’m partial to wearing v-neck tees which gives the hummingbird the perfect little space to coat me in her snot. I also get it in my hair and on my legs. My hands usually get coated in it because if there isn’t a tissue handy and since my shirt doesn’t have a dry space, I’ll just let her wipe her nose on my hand. The hummingbird might be a daddy’s girl but I’ve never seen my hubby have snot coated hands so hmmpphh.
String cheese – Okay, I have to admit I found this pretty impressive and creative. I know you should try to avoid dairy when you’re sick and congested but she was eating very little and since it’s in her DNA, she loves cheese so I gave her some string cheese.
We were still in the kitchen and as she started to gobble up the cheese, her nose was like a faucet. I went to get a tissue and as I was walking back, she took her string cheese and used that as a tissue instead. I now know what it’s like to dry heave, laugh my ass off, and pee myself at the same time.