Want your own reality show? Some lovely choices are marrying someone who’s a lot older than you or getting peed on. Hmmm…..that’s a tough choice. And possibly wet.

I’ve had a bad case of writer’s block so I decided to answer one of my questions that I give my guest bloggers….”If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never have to hear about them again, who would it be?”

Okay, first things first. My husband and I were HUGE fans of the show Lost. I really loved when they would flashback to the childhood of Ben. I also really liked the actor who took pity on young Ben….Doug Hutchison. Then that guy, 51, married Courtney Stodden who at the time was supposedly 16. What the effity eff?! And I’ve heard they’re getting their own reality show.

Thank you Doug for ruining that part of Lost for me. And what the hell Courtney?! Stop doing that thing with your lips.

Where in the hell were this girl’s parents? Probably pimping out their other kids on Toddlers and Tiaras. Yes, I’ve seen that show but I can only last a few minutes. The trainwreck of all trainwrecks, The Real Housewives, is more up my alley.

But seriously, girls like Courtney scare the hell out of me when it comes to having a 2 year old daughter. I, like every other parent out there thinks that my kid is wicked smart and will see right through the superficial crap but at the same time I worry that the little hummingbird will think being like this will be the norm.

I need to get on my soapbox and say what in the hell happened to people with *real* talent?! I know they’re out there but damn, I miss the true actors like Ben Kingsley who’s a freaking acting ninja or musicians that can just go on stage with a microphone and a guitar, a la’ Glen Hansard, and sing the shit out of a song without 20 wardrobe changes and that horrible autotune.

The songs I’ve been hearing lately sound like they’re being sung through a fan. I know when I was younger, talking through a fan was really cool to me. What can I say? I’m easily entertained. And every time I would do it, I would have to say in my best Darth Vader voice Luke, I am your father.

Then there are the Kardashians….oh *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*! I admit I watched the first season of their “reality show” but after that I couldn’t take it. The mom is a pimp extraordinaire.

I used to love E!  but it seems like it’s become the Karbarfian channel. What’s really crazy is that Kim seemed to become famous simply by making a sex tape with water sports (read: being peed on). Oy!

So pack your bags girls and get ready for lift off. Or as the Karbarfians would say, kget kready kfor klift koff.

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