Total Recall: What I thought would be a sweet children’s book has turned into a zombie nightmare.

I know I’ve already posted today but I decided to post again since I’m gong to be really busy this week doing super secret writing stuff. Okay, it’s not super secret or anything. I’m just going to be writing stuff.

If you’re not familiar with it, Total Recall is just another fancy name for “this is a recycled post”. I hope you enjoy!

Oh, one other thing, I have officially decided to stick with my original blog name. I had actually planned on writing Madonna’s song, Papa Don’t Preach, as a post and instead of having it say But I made up my mind, I’m keeping my baby I was going to put keeping my blog name in place of baby and then I was going to see if anyone noticed. Yeah, I need sleep.

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What I thought would be a sweet children’s book has turned into a zombie nightmare.

January 11, 2011

 

I bought my daughter several books for Christmas but one of the books wasn’t what I was expecting. Since I avoided doing my holiday shopping in stores, I got these books online.

Deciding on a book for her isn’t based on reviews, it’s more from the plot and illustrations, but I still like reading the reviews because some of them can be pretty ridiculous.

There will be someone who says a book about a bunny traumatized their child or something along those lines and I always get a laugh from it. But one of the books I got for her was creepy. So, I am now one of those people who writes about a children’s book that traumatizes me, although I’m writing it here and not on the site where I got it.

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I’ve always had a wild imagination and to this day, I’m afraid of the dark. *whispers* I still sleep with a nightlight on. By the time I go to sleep, my hubby will have been asleep for a few hours. As soon as I turn off the lamp, I think of every scary movie I’ve seen and my imagination runs wild by thinking there’s probably a serial killer under the bed.

The most common thing I think about as soon as I turn out the light is that some zombie is going to crawl on his hands and knees across the bedroom floor, come over to my side of the bed, reach up and grab me, and will then proceed to eat my face off.

I know, I know, that would be impossible….because of simple zombie facts. First off, zombies are heavy breathers and growl. I would hear it before it even got to me. Also, my hubby is the one who sleeps closest to the bedroom door. Everyone knows that a zombie would attack the first person he sees.

While the zombie would be eating the brains of my husband or going for his jugular, that would give me a chance to hop out of bed, grab my daughter from her room, and run out of the house. The cat is on her own but I’ve never seen a zombie eat a cat so I think she would be safe anyway.

It’s not like I’ve given this scenario much thought though. *coughcough*

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After I got the books for my daughter, I read each one before I wrapped them. When I read “the book that shall remain nameless”, I turned to the first page and thought it was very sweet. After I read the second page, I could totally relate. Then I turned to the third page and almost peed myself with fear.

The mom crawls on her hands and knees across the bedroom floor to look at her son. If he’s asleep, she picks him up and sings a lullaby. All of my irrational zombie fears came to the surface and I freaked. The illustration of her peering at him in his bed while she’s on her hands and knees is burned into my brain.

I usually check on my daughter a billion times a night before I go to bed and there are times when I’ve been in her room watching her sleep and she’ll start opening her eyes. I hit the floor as fast as I can and quickly crawl out. So, I get that part of this book but I still find it damn creepy.

Like when her son grows up and moves into his own place. She drives across town in the middle of the night, uses a ladder to climb up to his bedroom window (this guy really needs to get a security system and fast), then picks him up and rocks him while he sleeps as she sings a lullaby.

I don’t get warm fuzzies from this book, rather the heebie jeebies. At the end, it shows him rocking his own child while singing the same lullaby. So that means the creepiness continues.

Not only that, how is he even supposed to have sex with his wife so they can have a kid when his mother always pops up in the middle of the night. If I was that guy’s wife, I’d have mommy dearest charged with breaking and entering and get her some much-needed therapy for her boundary issues.

That reminds me, I need to call my mother-in-law and thank her for my daughter’s Christmas presents.

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6 Responses to Total Recall: What I thought would be a sweet children’s book has turned into a zombie nightmare.

  1. Monica DeLaCruz January 2, 2012 at 06:10 #

    thanks for the repost since i missed it the first time. hilarious. seriously funny. and you are JUST like madonna. ;o) happy monday!

  2. MattMicko48 January 2, 2012 at 06:48 #

    The book shall be named and it is http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Munsch/dp/0920668372

  3. Jenninmidd January 2, 2012 at 16:48 #

    I agree: that book has creeped me out for years. Refuse to read it at school, refuse to bring into my house.

  4. Raine January 2, 2012 at 17:13 #

    That’d creep me out too. Then again, I could see my mother-in-law doing that if she could. She’s sort of like a cross between Norman Bates’ mother and the chick from Total Recall.
    Raine recently posted..2012 Chore Lists & PlannersMy Profile

  5. Stephanie January 5, 2012 at 15:07 #

    Yeah, that book was given to my kids by a cousin, who thought it was a sweet book. That book is creepy as hell. I hate people watching me sleep. And, she takes a ladder WITH HER! Totally premeditated. What is wrong with her son that he doesn’t wake up and notice what is going on?

    Also, I morbidly keep watching that cat get older and older wondering how old can he get?

  6. Amy January 8, 2012 at 15:20 #

    I thought I was the only person in the world that was totally creeped out by this. My sister gave this book to us and for about a month, my daughter was obsessed with it. Luckily, I was able to finally hide said book in an undisclosed place.

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