When mother-in-laws attack.

*If there’s enough interest, I’ve decided I’ll make mother-in-law/in-law week a monthly thing.

I meant to post this earlier but my laptop is back in the computer shop being repaired and I was hiding from my in-laws this morning. I didn’t want to chance having to see them when I sneaked off to use the computer in the office so I waited until they went outside.

Yes, I’m a total wuss.

Here’s Penny protecting me while I write this. She’s such a barracuda!


She totally has my back.

At the beginning of the week I asked if anyone had any mother-in-law/in-law stories to tell and here they are. Just a word of warning, I don’t censor anyone’s writing so there will be strong language.


From Truth Mama

My husband’s mom is every bad stereotype about mother-in-laws (MILs) on steroids. This last weekend she was in extra rare form and it inspired me to compile a list of things MILs do that drive us crazy. Here are some of my favorites:

Laying on Guilt Trips – Yes, I know you really want me to come to your cabin that is four and-a-half hours away when we don’t have any vacation to use, but constantly reminding us about how we never do and falsely labeling things as reunions makes us want to come even less.

Undermining Our Parenting – Never, ever, ever ask our kids if they want to do something that we have already told you they can’t do in hopes of getting them so excited that we won’t want to say no. Guess what? We will still say no and then everyone is miserable and we will think twice about coming to visit you next time.

Trying to Control Us – Just because we let you pay for our plane ticket home when we were a poor military family, doesn’t mean I can’t visit my side of the family too. A few years ago we did this, spent one week with my MIL and one week with my family, then heard after the fact (and indirectly of course) that my MIL was mad because she paid for our tickets and we “didn’t even spend any time with her”.

Meddling – While my husband and I were temporarily stationed in California (for only four weeks mind you) before having to go right back to Virginia, I got a random call from my Auto insurance company “Um, your mom called. Did you guys move?”. Not OK.

Bad-Mouthing – My MIL actually wrote in a letter to one of OUR friends that she had met only once that she didn’t know why my husband was letting me get a cat because I “can’t even keep the house clean”. She also said when I was pregnant with my daughter that I was getting fat and my husband was going to leave me. Nice.

Manipulating – This last weekend we headed south for our nephew’s baptism and told my MIL we would spend the night at her house. When my father-in-law (divorced from my MIL) offered to pay for a hotel with a pool that his stepson (who also has small children) would be staying at, we happily accepted. In fact, it didn’t even cross our minds as being a big deal. My MIL got so mad that she uninvited us to breakfast on Saturday morning and almost didn’t go to the baptism. Crazy town.

***Make sure to check out Truth Mama’s site because she’s awesome.


From Luna

My FIL is the pickiest eater on the planet. And then some. He makes autistic two-year olds look like they’ve got sophisticated palates. So I make everything plain for him. This isn’t good enough. I’ve singled him out by making two dishes, which will not do, so he lies down on the couch and pretends to sleep. There are 5 seats in my living room. 3 of them are the couch. When there are 7 people in the house, I just want to boot him in the head when he does this.

MIL can’t cook well. As in, she picked up a piece of ginger in my kitchen and asked me if it was garlic. But she has NO problem telling me what I’m doing wrong and how to do it properly. She thinks I’m kidding when I tell her to go sit down.

My in-laws REFUSE to talk about Autism. Now, all three of my kids have it, so it’s a pretty big part of our lives. The day my youngest was dx’d, they were in town, and looked after the middle one. When we came home from the big event, they didn’t ask a single question. We didn’t say anything until the next morning when my husband finally had to say something and told his Mom that Pop was dx’d with Autism. MIL said, “You mean, he has autistic tendencies.” He said, “No. He has AUTISM.” She gave him a look and shook her head and said, “Mmm”. MMM? That’s all she’s ever said with regard to anything we say about the boys and their autism. Mmm. FIL has said, “Oh, they’ll be fine. I don’t know what you’re worked up about.” Crackle is 6. He doesn’t talk. He needs 4 baths a day to keep his body from overloading. But he’ll be fine. Dr. FIL says so.

My SIL has said that she thinks someone she knows has Munchausen’s by Proxy. I’m virtually certain she was talking about me. She’s not welcome in my house any more.

Before we were married, but our baby as 2 months old, and I was in hospital for something the doctors couldn’t explain, my in-laws told my husband he could still back out of the marriage, that my mom had told him I have a history of mental illness (Mom said no such thing), and that he shouldn’t let the baby tie him to me. They had a pool on how long we’d last. We’ve been married 16.5 years now. I’ve forgiven them for this. They were worried about their baby, their firstborn. And we were VERY young (20). But it coloured our relationship for a lot of years.

So, now I have the queen of passive-aggression and the grumpy baby. They only visit once a year, and they missed last year because of sick parents of their own. So I shouldn’t complain too much. But when they come, I go into panic mode.


From Never Forget

Let me start by saying that I act nice to my MIL. But I will never forget what a crazy fucking bitch she really is. I appreciate this week as a time for me to really viciously hate her. Next week I will tolerate her. And when she gets old and shits herself all the time and can’t speak I will resist whispering “I’ve hated you since you tried to break up my marriage” in her ear. And, like a good daughter in law, I’ll throw a few bucks into the ring to have someone else change her diapers.

My husband lost his shit the first time he was deployed to Iraq. He wasn’t all that emotionally stable to begin with, and add into that nearly being killed several times per day, it was a recipe for disaster.  His solution was to blame every problem he had in his life on me. He would call me and yell at me for hating him and tell me what a shitty mother I was to our toddler. It was a true mindfuck.

After he called me and said he wanted a divorce, I called my MIL to tell her that something seriously messed up was going on. Her response (brace yourself) was: “I don’t think he wants to leave you with nothing. I’m sure he will let you share custody.” Just like that. He had been calling her and telling her what a lousy, unsupportive disappointment I was. And she had been agreeing and encouraging his request for a divorce. Fucking bitch.

Soooo….things worked out with my husband (much to her chagrin), he’s all medicated and stable now (well, as much as anyone can be).

After that phone call I didn’t speak to my MIL for over a year. After about a year, I let my husband take our daughter to see her grandparents. After 2 years, I joined my family in visiting the devil’s spawn. I acted reasonably nice, but will never, ever trust that bitch again. She has never mentioned “the incident” and I will never bring it up. I will just forever play nice and allow myself to occasionally seethe under the surface, and during MIL week from now on, I will FUCKING HATE THAT CRAZY BITCH!!


I think for the rest of the day we should just drink margaritas and eat chocolate and celebrate surviving our MIL’s. If you happen to be at work and get tipsy, just tell your boss that some chick on the internet said it was okay. I’m sure they’d understand then.  :^)

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7 Responses to When mother-in-laws attack.

  1. Danielle February 10, 2012 at 12:10 #

    Do I email you the article to do this, because I have got some doozies!

    • Elle February 10, 2012 at 12:33 #

      Yes! Just go ahead and email me (elle.mommyhood@gmail.com) and I’ll put yours up for the March MIL week.

  2. sarah February 10, 2012 at 17:33 #

    Ah how liberating! Thanks for this Elle!

  3. weezafish February 10, 2012 at 22:26 #

    Good idea, I’ll be back once I’ve compliled my MIL woes!
    weezafish recently posted..What Happened to My Sleep??My Profile

  4. Luna February 11, 2012 at 13:15 #

    The “Undermining our parenting” section had me chuckling with recognition. MIL is a teacher. Therefore she knows everything and we are stupid little children. She has decided that “a little bit won’t hurt”. Of everything and anything (except alcohol and drugs, thank god). Unfortunately, my kids are allergic to everything. So she tries to get them all excited about ice cream, knowing full well they can’t have any, and then gives them some. And then she leaves, and I get sick kids for a week. But they didn’t die or swell up in her sight, so therefore, NO PROBLEM!
    Luna recently posted..ProgressMy Profile

  5. marie February 14, 2012 at 08:17 #

    can I do a MIL in post too for march?

    • Elle February 14, 2012 at 08:19 #

      Of course! Just email it to me. 🙂

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