When arseholes make me extra stabby, first edition.

When the hummingbird was just a tiny babe and I would be pushing her what seemed like an SUV sized stroller, I would have the worst time trying to get in or out of a shop. There were countless times when there would be someone just standing there watching. Um, hello? Can I get a little help here?

When some asshole is tailgating me and makes this big production when it comes to passing me, only to get as far as right in front of me. Wow, all that douchebag behavior sure paid off. I usually laugh out loud when that happens.

When a male radio talk show host calls a woman a slut for being on birth control. Hey asshole, either grow your own vagina or go back to the f*cking prairie.

When I’m at the grocery store and try to go down an aisle but there are two people in the middle of the aisle talking and oblivious to anything around them and saying excuse me is repeatedly ignored.

When you have an early morning appointment with a doctor, you arrive when you’re supposed to, and they’re still 30 minutes behind.

When you’re actually able to go out to dinner with your husband and daughter and you get seated next to people who must think they’re at a rock concert because they talk and cackle so loud, it hurts your head.

When your cats love to pounce on your head at 3 am and then you can’t go back to sleep. I’m not calling Maisy and Penny assholes but…..okay they are a couple of assholes at times, I mean they’re cats.

What makes you extra stabby?

**Remember next week I’ll be posting mother-in-laws/in-laws from hell posts so if you have one, drop me an email. xx

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5 Responses to When arseholes make me extra stabby, first edition.

  1. Marianna Annadanna March 4, 2012 at 11:34 #

    I like that you call this the first edition, knowing there will be several other assholes in your future.
    Marianna Annadanna recently posted..Leaping. Or something.My Profile

  2. Jen March 5, 2012 at 06:34 #

    Just about everything you said makes me want to pare down the human race!

    Others:
    Changing lanes without a signal, especially while tailgating or cutting people off. If it weren’t for a 2-yr-old in my vehicle most of the time, I might hit them out of spite.

    Anyone who’s ever said, “Do you know who I am??” or “I know so-and-so…” as a way to intimidate or impress others.

    People who smoke with kids in the car. Getting stabby for that isn’t enough- I want to take the cigarette out of the parent’s mouth and put it out on his forehead.

    • Luna March 8, 2012 at 16:44 #

      Smoking in the car with a minor is illegal in my province. They get a nice $220 fine if they get caught. YAY.
      Luna recently posted..RandomosityMy Profile

  3. Monica DeLaCruz March 5, 2012 at 10:29 #

    oh, nice. i think i’m gonna like this. just a few things that make me stabby:

    people who are snide when i say i am a work-from-home mom (or whatever i choose to call it that day).

    fundraisers. i don’t want the freaking crap – i’ll just cut a check.

    pinata $hit that my kids treat like stuff from build-a-bear.

    people who cuss loudly and frequently at kid places like six flags, the zoo, and sea world.

    rudeness.

  4. Chelsea March 6, 2012 at 17:08 #

    Some things that make me extra stabby:
    -Notice how my house is so lovely and tidy? Yeah. I like it that way. Take off your shoes you heathens.
    -When hubby tosses something in the waste basket, misses, sees he misses and then leaves the item on the floor. Come on dude, never mind that we have a toddler, don’t be a slob. I work hard to keep the house up. Pick up the effing beer cap and throw it away.
    -Really? You’re going to offer ME parenting advice? Who the eff are you? Complimenting my kid’s curly hair in the check out line does not entitle you to tell me how I should treat her cold, what sort of snacks I should give her, how long I should breastfeed the next one or how buying her a toy car is going to ruin her forever. Seriously, back off.
    -Dont bring your effing dogma into my house. I don’t wanna hear it. I am so glad you get off on being pious and looking down on the rest of us godless heathens, really I am. Everyone likes to feel smug, be that as it may I draw the line at being told all the details about your natural family planning classes. Just. Stop. And while your at it, stop nosing your dogma into hubby and my’s decisions regarding “family planning” (read: vasectomy) its not your business and giving us pamphlets on how vasectomies are going to make us into Nazis (NOT MAKING THIS UP) and how birth control is ruining lives just makes us want to knock you out and get you sterilized, you ignorant twat-waddle.
    -While we are on the subject of what not to bring into my house, please don’t invite yourself or your spouse over if one or both of you is ill. I’m pregnant and absorb all illness immediately, plus I have a young child. If you’re sick then go away. I’m not as sweet as I look when I’m sick and neither is my kid.
    -Really, guy in huge truck? You had to speed ahead to cut me off? Why? Did it really save you some precious time? I’m going to assume its because you wanted to check me out in your rearview mirror.
    -DONT STAND SO CLOSE TO ME, creepy person at the store. I can smell you and hear you breathing and it freaks me out. Arm’s length is a good rule. For you, THREE arm’s lengths. Think of it as probation.
    Chelsea recently posted..They’re HERE! T-shirts that are sure to offend many!My Profile

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