I’m feeling daring so I’m baring my scars.

I’ve been really self-conscious about some scars I got from an abdominal surgery a few years ago. Before that, I was insecure of the big scar on my back from heart surgery. I did have some fun with it when I was a teenager though.

When I would wear tank tops, I would get endless questions about my scar. I would mess with people and say I got it in a bar fight. People would actually buy it even though I was 14 at the time.

These photos didn’t turn out as good as I had hoped but you get the picture. :^)

The scar I have on my back is from open heart surgery that I had when I was 5 years old. They said that because I was so young, that’s why they were able to go through my back.

I was born with a congenital heart defect called a coarctation of the aorta and wasn’t given long to live but like I’ve said before, I’m a stubborn pain in the ass and very persistent so I showed those fuckers.

I have a heart murmur, need to get check-ups every year or two, and have to do things like take antibiotics whenever I get my teeth cleaned but other than that, everything’s fine.

This scar starts on the top left of my shoulder-blade and goes halfway down my back. It didn’t occur to me to turn on the overhead light while my hubby was taking this picture. We just had a nightstand lamp on and the scar looks shadowy towards the bottom.

 

This is the scar left from the heart catheterization I had when I was three. It’s on the inside of my right arm, in the middle. I still remember how my mom was trying to get the stitches out but I had such a tantrum and she had to take me to the doctor so he could get the last few out.

 

The scars I got from my abdominal surgery 2 years ago. This is the one on my left side of my stomach. And yes, I’m white as a ghost. I stay out of the sun as much as possible or slather myself with sunblock.

 

 

 The right side of my stomach.

 

They’re on either side of my belly button. There are a couple more from that surgery that are on my stomach. These are the ones that make me the most self-conscious, especially in front of my husband. They’re darker in person and raised.

I don’t have a problem with my cesarean scar. Even though I was hoping for a vaginal delivery, the c-section scar is something that brought me my beautiful daughter.

I think one of the reasons the scars I have on my stomach are so difficult for me is because they botched my cesarean, apparently using a dull butter knife, and it caused what they thought at the time was 2 very painful hernias. It ended up being 5!

I had to fight a military doctor who I saw at Walter Reed because he insisted it was something else but I know my body. I dubbed him Dr. Douchebag and after a few weeks of wanting to strangle this asshole because he was trying to bully me into getting a few fibroids that I have removed.

That’s what he thought the problem was; like I was going to let anyone go near my uterus with a scalpel after what happened the first time around but I knew it wasn’t the issue. This doctor was such a jerk and while I was on the phone with him one morning, he actually told me he refused to repair the hernias I had unless I also let him remove the two fibroids.

I almost lost my shit with this barely out of med school asshole. I don’t know how I did this because I was beyond disgusted with this doctor’s behavior but I somehow remained calm instead of telling him what I really thought of him and said I don’t think this is going to work out and I would like to see another doctor.

He responded with I think that’s a good idea since you won’t listen to the advice of a professional. What is it with people having to stress that they’re “professional”? Saying you’re a professional is like going to a hair salon that’s called Classy Hair. You know it’s bullshit.

Anyway, I was finally able to go outside of the military health care system and to an excellent doctor who actually knew what he was doing.

Do you have any scars or something about your body that makes you self-conscious?

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10 Responses to I’m feeling daring so I’m baring my scars.

  1. Jessica April 29, 2012 at 03:06 #

    I am also not self-conscious of my c-section scar, as it brought me two beautiful children. When I had my second, the OB asked if I wanted her to cut out the old scar! I looked her on the eye and said that it truly didn’t matter to me. She did cut it out and not dissimilar to your story, I ended up having a second surgery to repair issues from the csection. That was when he was only 9 days old. He’s now 9 weeks old and full of spunk. I, however, am still recovering. How long did it take you to get back to your normal self?

  2. RHOBluemont April 29, 2012 at 04:49 #

    Love this! I too, am dotted with scars of varying degrees. The ones that bother me most are just above the back of my heel. Thanks to moronic decisions I made as a teenager, TANNING BEDS! Melanoma began popping up in my late twenties. Scary. Sunscreen is smart and necessary. If I knew then what I know now…
    RHOBluemont recently posted..Whiny Wilma And Her Sidekick SmileyMy Profile

  3. Michelle April 29, 2012 at 12:47 #

    Elle, I think you are brave for sharing your scars! They show that you are a fighter! I too have a c-section scar but it doesn’t bother me bc I have two beautiful boys to show for it! 😉
    I have a wine colored birthmark under my left eye. My family and close friends tell me they don’t even notice either. I don’t think about it at all until some d-mouth will ask “what happened to your eye?”. *Sigh.* it’s at this time when I feel a bit self conscious.
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  4. Izzy April 30, 2012 at 11:36 #

    When I was teeny tinny, just a baby, my Mom picked me up from the car seat only to find that the car seat cover had slipped, and my little elbow was melted onto he plastic. To this day people ask me what happened. It is about the size of a half dollar, but I never look at my elbow, so I never see it. My poor Mom even offered to have it fixed when I was a teen. It doesn’t bother me at all, but it makes me thankful it was my elbow and not my cheek!
    Izzy recently posted..Don’t ignore your heart…My Profile

  5. Emily Fowler April 30, 2012 at 11:39 #

    My Dr made my c-section cut right at the top of…shall we call it my “hairline”? So, unless you’re REALLY looking, you can’t see it. What you CAN see are the stretch marks going right through the tatoo on my lower left abdomen. Someone should take a picture of it and post it in every tatoo parlor as a warning for 18 year old girls who think they will have a flat, smooth skinned stomach forever. At least only my hubby sees it 🙂

  6. Bethany April 30, 2012 at 12:29 #

    I have two C-section scars as well. I love them, and don’t even notice them anymore. The scars that make me the most self conscious are on my left foot. I have had two surgeries for a club foot, the most recent being about 2 years ago. I had my first surgery when I was just barely one, and that runs from my big toe back to the mid part of my calf. My left leg is also very noticably smaller than my right leg, so when I wear shorts, people always notice how different they are. I have a scar on the top of my foot where my d-bag surgeon put screws into my ankle to fuse it, only to mess it up. I am hoping I can tough it out for a few more years before getting that botched surgery fixed.

  7. Shul April 30, 2012 at 19:23 #

    When I was 8 years old, I was racing a bunch of friends on bikes when I pulled ahead and came to an intersection in our community. Unfortunately a car was coming, too fast, from the street I was about to cross so I skillfully swerved to not ride out into the road, but unfortunately, I was now pelting towards a parked car so I swerved again and went horizontal with the asphalt. I lost most of the skin on my right side, which has completely healed overtime, but sadly my knee took too many beatings in my childhood and the skin never became hole.

    I don’t care so much about that scar because it comes with a cool story, but the ones I feel the most self-conscious about are the ones that are self-inflicted. I was never, ever suicidal, but had so much stress in my life at the time I didn’t know how else to handle it and pain has a weird way of bringing your mind back to reality. Now I know of other healthier ways to handle stress, but sometimes I feel anxious when people stare too long at my arm. When I’m having a bad day, I hate them and it makes me feel worse, but when I’m feeling good I’m proud because they showed I pulled through something.

    And… I’m not a mother, but I think all moms should be proud of C section scars. YOU GREW A BABY.

  8. weezafish May 1, 2012 at 01:57 #

    Thanks for sharing Elle, lots of people feel self conscious I’m sure your bravery will inspire. Scars, stretch marks, saggy skin … 🙂 Our bodies take a toll ey? Hubby tells me that he doesn’t find them unattractive, more a womanly representative of children and life. But then, he does say just the “right thing” sometimes to cheer me up, he’s good at that!
    weezafish recently posted..THEY’RE DRUGGING MY CHILD???!! Oh, no .. it’s okay. False Alarm.My Profile

  9. Jayde May 8, 2012 at 16:26 #

    I was 10 when I had my first abdominal surgery, to remove a tumor the size of my head. I had a douchebag for a doctor too, because she told my mother that there was nothing wrong with me and that I needed a psychiatrist. Boy did I prove that bitch wrong! 4 surgeries later through the same incision or close enough to it, and I have this ugly-ass scar that runs all the way from my bellybutton down to as close to my vagina that you can possibly get. It’s ugly and raised and hard in some spots and itchy in others. It cuts me in two pieces where I have ugly bulges on either side from being pregant and having babies. Love the babies, loathe the scar.

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