I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.

For this post, Alisa from Snarky Cards* is helping me out by letting me use some of them. These cards are hilarious and perfect anytime, like this one…

and this one…

 

These cards are genius so check out Alisa’s site.

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When my hubby was stationed in San Diego several years ago, our mail lady gave me a book for a Christmas gift and I thought that was so sweet. Then I opened it and found it was a book with ways to spoil your husband that was originally written in the 1970’s. Here are just a few of the 100 ways.

Reorganize his closet for him sometime – I did that for my husband once while he was away on deployment. I try not to look in his closet because it makes me twitchy. Some clothes will only be halfway on the hanger, there are clothes on the floor, and his hangers are pointing every which way.

Once he got home and saw what I did, he was kind of pissed off. He’s a man of few words but the look on his face said it all. I haven’t touched his closet since. Every now and then I can’t take it and I’ll beg him to let me but he’s happy with his closet looking like a natural disaster hit it.

Drop whatever you are doing if he needs you for anything. Um, yeah, are you smoking crack? I already have a 3 year-old, I don’t need another one at the moment.

Bake him cookies. Always keep a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookie dough (or whatever his favorite is) ready. This will tame the cookie monster in him. Men love sweet treats – Are you kidding me? There’s no way in hell that I could be around uneaten cookie dough. That reminds me of a gross story. Years ago when the hubby and I were newlyweds, his mom sent us a care package with chocolate chip cookies. I came across what I thought was coconut at first but quicky saw that it was a fingernail. Barf.

I showed my husband while dry heaving and he insisted it was just a big piece of coconut. I insisted that it wan’t, so my husband put it in his mouth. He only gave it a couple of chews before he spit it out and said you’re right, it isn’t coconut.

When eating out, do simple things like sweetening his iced tea or unfolding his napkin. This is a simple servant attitude. – After being married to him for nearly 17 years, if I pulled something like this on my husband, he’d probably die of shock.

 

If you are traveling somewhere and are lost, please don’t make him ask for directions. He will eventually find it. Just be patient. – Before we had a GPS he had a knack for finding the scariest places to drive through to get to where we’re going. I would always tell him he needs to stop at a gas station and ask for directions but he would never listen to me.

You know that scene in Ghost where Patrick Swayze’s supposed friend gets killed and those creepy figures come for him? Most of the places we’ve gotten lost in would be where those creepy figures live. My husband can still get lost with the GPS because he’ll think he knows a better way. I’m not dying and having creepy figures drag me away just so my hubby can keep his manly pride.

If you buy something that needs to be put together, hire someone else to put it together. Please. – I bought a new elliptical in January and it took 5 months before my hubby put it together. Next time I’ll use sex. On him, not the elliptical. Or it could be sex with him on the elliptical.

Brag about him to his parents. – My mother-in-law thinks my husband invented microwave oatmeal, not even joking, and his parents treat him like a king so I don’t think so.

Make his birthday a month-long celebration. It’s called the birthday month! Show him that he is worth celebrating. Seriously? My husband isn’t a Kardashian and doesn’t need a whole month in Las Vegas for his birthday. Plus, that would mean spending more money and my hubby would freak the fuck out.

What was the worst marriage advice you’ve been given or what advice would you give for newlyweds?

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* I wasn’t paid for this post, it was my own free will, blah blah blah. Now go over and check out Snarky Cards.

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2 Responses to I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.

  1. Stesha June 12, 2012 at 09:15 #

    The cards are hilarious! I can’t decide which is funnier: the cards or your mail lady. She truly had to be joking with that book. My husband would surely have me tested for drugs if I sweetened his tea or unfold his napkin!

    Sex on the elliptical will not only get things put together, but also the house painted and the laundry done, while you sit on the sofa, waiting for with him to serve you sweet tea!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha
    Stesha recently posted..BicyclingMy Profile

  2. monica June 12, 2012 at 17:00 #

    snarky cards are hysterical and that BOOK. holy crap is that funny. can you please scan the cover so we can see it??? dying.
    monica recently posted..How To Blind Yourself While Away From Home, Part 1My Profile

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