The grey sky and the ocean, so calm, yet I knew a storm was coming.
There were streaks of clouds on the right side of the sky and the sun was shining to the left.
I wished I could go with the latter but didn’t feel I was worth the rays of the sun.
Depression has consumed me for too long and it’s getting harder to reach the top for air.
It’s a battle each day and sometimes I lose.
I fall into the hole.
My heart is racing. My head is spinning. It’s hard to breathe.
I live life like everything is fine to the outside world and it’s not.
People don’t see me struggle to get out of bed some mornings, desperate to crawl under the covers so I don’t have to face the day.
My marriage? Currently strained because of many things. Will we get through it? We do every time. But it’s lonely.
My daughter? She’s my lifesaver.
I want things to go back to normal but I’ve realized with depression, this is my new normal. I don’t want any part of it but it’s not something I can shake off.
So, I’m trying.
I’m trying to handle my depression and anxiety the best way I can. A lot of times I don’t feel it’s good enough. But it’s going to have to be for now.