This is part of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. I picked “share a moment when you felt overwhelmed.”
The doctor I went to see for my yearly pap ended up writing a prescription for the wrong birth control which I didn’t notice until I was in the parking lot. I thought I would simply run back into the clinic to get it changed but when I went back, the doctor was already with another patient.
I left my info and told the receptionist what the problem was and thought it would be straightened out soon. Wrong. I never heard from the doctor. I even went to the clinic to speak with someone to no avail. The whole time I was thinking I just want my damn birth control, not meth, and this was crazy to go through all of this.
Then I was told I needed to come in for another exam so the doctor could stick her hand up my hoo-ha and do another pap smear even though I had already gotten the results from the one a few weeks prior and it was clear. I would explain that I’ve done this less that a month ago and just needed the correct prescription.
She had written a prescription for a birth control pill that wasn’t anything like what I’ve been taking so I was worried about how it would affect me since I’ve learned over the years that I need to be on a low dose of birth control or else I become like a pissed off Christian Bale on the set of Terminator 3 except my meltdown doesn’t become viral or get a cool song remix.
After calling several times, going to the clinic, leaving messages, and all of that good stuff, I thought eff it. I know obviously by not being on birth control my chances of getting pregnant became sky-high but my hubby knew the dilemma I was in so we used other forms of birth control.
Wait a sec, this just in….it didn’t work…obviously.
The subtle signs were there but I really didn’t think anything of it. The biggest giveaway should have been when I went downstairs from our 18th floor apartment to the little convenience store on the first floor and instead of getting something with chocolate, I had this intense craving for something lemony which has never happened seeing as how I’m a chocoholic.
The physical symptoms I was having were very close to when I get my period so again, I didn’t think anything of it. Soon after I had to drive my hubby to the Naval Hospital in Bethesda because he had broken his foot and was finally getting surgery on it. There I was driving on the freeway and I had the worst nausea. I ended up having to pull over since I got so sick. I blamed it on nerves because of my husband’s surgery.
Normally I have the nose of a dog but my sense of smell went up tremendously. Also, just a week before my husband’s foot surgery, we went to a music festival in Maryland and while it was awesome, I was beyond exhausted which was another sign…..ding, ding, ding.
A few weeks later in September I remember sitting in the living room and all of these subtle signs finally came together for me. I knew I had a pregnancy test somewhere so I ripped through my bathroom cabinets and finally found it.
I peed on the stick and it was positive within seconds. I was in total shock even though it shouldn’t have been that surprising. So, I convinced myself the pregnancy test was “broken”, ha, and ran across the street to CVS where I got a 2 pack of one brand and a 2 pack of a different one. I rushed back home and all were positive.
Then I went to the grocery store down the street because holy hell in a hot pocket, all of these tests had to have been broken because of some kind of conspiracy, right?
I peed some more and those were positive too.
Yes, I know how babies are made but it was the suprise of my life. I was excited and so overwhelmed during that moment. The most I’ve ever been.
When my husband came home from work that day, I was going to act cool about it and wait to tell him but that lasted all of 2 seconds. He was really shocked to say the least. Even after I went to take a blood test the next day, he still wasn’t convinced.
It wasn’t until 2 weeks later when I went in for my first ultrasound and we saw the hummingbird that it really hit us both.
There was another photo we got on that first visit and I swear it looks like she’s tap dancing. When I think about it now and how she can’t sit still for even a minute, she probably was tap dancing in my uterus.
After the first doctor’s visit, my hubby really seemed to come around and once she was born, it was love at first cry…for all of us. Then just a day after she was born, she was rushed to the NICU and our lives were changed even more.
The feelings I have when I think about her 21 days in the NICU are still so fresh in my mind, even after 2 1/2 years. We were in the dark most of the time when it came to her issue with hypoglycemia (that was resolved when she was 6 weeks old) which was really frustrating and also very overwhelming. I was pretty much like my daughter would be…fine one minute, crying the next, then fine again.
Over three years later, I’m amazed and so thankful
and exhausted at how she’s such a free-spirited, sweet, animated and theatrical, and oh my gawd she never stops moving, ever entergetic little girl who is poking me in the back and saying in a whisper, mahmeee, mahmeee, mahmee as I write this.