Even when I’m certain, I’m still uncertain.

This writing prompt is from Heather: How do you deal with uncertainty in your life? Both minor (example: chicken vs. pork) and major (example: career vs. family).

I can never make up my mind. When I do, I over think it to death, pick it apart, and go over it with a fine tooth comb. It drives me crazy and really brings out my OCD.

One small uncertainty I’ve had for a while is whether or not I should put on my pants when I drop off my daughter at preschool. I know, a very crucial and important decision.

Because I’m me, I would usually stay in my pajama boxers but I always worry about what if something happens and I had to get out of the car (my husband is the one to take our daughter into preschool…usually…and his work is right across the street).

A few weeks ago, I decided not only to stay in my boxers but also to leave my purse at home. My daughter’s preschool is only 5 or so minutes away. I have to turn left at a main intersection, turn left again, drive a few blocks, and boom, turn left.

Boom, done.

On this particular day, everything was going fine and dandy and then on my way back boom, oh fuck. Huge fucking car accident.

There were cop cars and 2 firetrucks and an ambulance at the main intersection of the road I needed to get back home. It’s a two lane highway out to the country and it’s the ONLY way I know how to get back to my house.

There’s one other way but it’s like a 20 minute detour and I couldn’t remember the way. Karen, my always trusty GPS, didn’t know either.

Karen, get your shit together!

I drove around aimlessly for a while, like Britney Spears back in her pink wig days, and finally figured out how to get home by taking the most difficult way ever.

I went through all the confusing turns and death trap curves and finally made it to my house. By then, of course, I saw that the intersection I needed to get through was already cleared.

Now I always make sure to wear pants and bring my purse along no matter how far I’m driving. It made me crazy that I couldn’t get out of my car to go get coffee or wander around Target.

When it comes to the big uncertainties in life, I just take xanax.

Okay, only half kidding. I can’t stand feeling like I’m not in control when it comes to whatever is going on with my life. Whenever I’m uncertain about the big things, I over think it. Actually, I over think everything.

It seems like I have a harder time with the smaller uncertain things rather than the bigger ones. I’m always uncertain and frequently question my mothering skills.

I’m not as lovey dovey of a mom like I thought I’d be since my hubby is such a softie and I have to be the strict one. I worry that I might be too hard on my daughter.

I especially think that way since I work from home and there are times when I need to get something written and I’ll have to tell my daughter that she needs to wait until I finish.

Then she’ll bring on the sweet doe eyes and say “Mommy, please play with me”. I get so crushed by that. I’ve been uncertain lately about going for my dreams of being a writer while the hummingbird is still so young.

I don’t want to look back and see all the things I missed out on because I was working. Then again, if I wasn’t working, I would absolutely lose my mind so I’m mostly certain that I’m doing the right thing. I think.

What are some of your uncertainties?

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One Response to Even when I’m certain, I’m still uncertain.

  1. Heather November 20, 2012 at 11:33 #

    You picked me! Aww I feel special :). I overthink things like you. But i’ve discovered my own cheat code for making decisions. I discuss/argue both sides with someone and by doing that I tend to figure out which option I want to do. I think I drive my boyfriend crazy but I never feel like I can cover every facet of decision-making alone. The sounding board really helps. And if all else fails, I just pick the opposite of what someone tells me to do, since I’m still young enough to find that to be a good idea.

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