My holiday from hell….the clash of the sisters.

I just read this back and it sounds so whiny and bitchy. Ummm, that’s all I was going to say. hehe

This happened a few years ago when my husband and I went to see his family and drove several hours to see mine. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a total nightmare with my hubby’s family…okay it was but going to see my family was worse.

The rest of my family was fine but it was my sister that seemed to have it out for me as soon as we walked into her house. We don’t have the best relationship anymore after there were hateful words that flew around years before and we aren’t close either. I love her to death but we clash all the time.

The whole stay was very tense, so much so that the hubby even picked up on it which he never does.

He would wonder aloud what’s with her attitude and also asked my mom if something was wrong with her because she’s acting so cold.

When the hummingbird had a nap in my nephew’s room, I went in to change her diaper after she woke up. Since I didn’t want to lay her on the floor because I’m old, I layed the hummingbird at the end of my nephew’s bed and put a diaper changing pad underneath her.

I might have fucked up but I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal and before I even did it, I wondered if I would be okay if my sister did the same thing to one of her kids at my house. I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

It’s not like I layed the hummingbird’s bare butt on my nephew’s pillow. It was just at the bottom of his bed.

Anyway, my sister came in and lost her shit when she saw that I was doing this. She was going on saying how little I think of her and that I’ve been treating her and her kids like crap since we got there.

WTF?

There were more words exchanged and I pretty much had it the second day we were there.

The little hummingbird HATES the sound of a vacuum cleaner, like me, and at the time she was only about 19 months old. Anyway, after we had Thanksgiving dinner, my sister’s husband got out the vacuum cleaner so I asked the hubs if he wants to take the hummingbird out of the room for a bit or I could because she would cry and shake if she heard one.

My sister over heard this and told me “you’ve got to be kidding me. That’s so stupid. Let her sit there and cry.”

I told her it wasn’t a big deal and we’d just take her out of the room but of course she made it into an even bigger deal.

She told me how we baby the hummingbird way too much and how we’ve been treating her like we’re better than her ever since she arrived.

Huh?

She lives in a very small town in the south but it seems like she’s more insecure about what others think of her when it comes to her life and family when in reality, I don’t think much of it.

I walked out of the room to hunt down my husband and told him we should really leave soon and go back to the hotel because my sister seemed like she wanted to start shit.

My mom was also there and didn’t have any idea that this was going on and that my sister and I were really at odds by that point. I’m leaving out a lot because I really don’t feel like rehashing most of it but I know how my sister is. She LOVES to push my buttons. Actually, she loves to push everybody’s.

I was trying so hard to behave myself so I wasn’t paying much attention to my sister this visit because ever time we talked, it looked like she was going for another fight.

Meanwhile, my niece had a cold and when my hubby brought our iPad over, the kids loved it. The only problem was that she would cough and sneeze onto the iPad and I didn’t feel like it was my place to tell her to cover her mouth but my sister would just sit there, saying nothing.

That made me worry because I didn’t want us to get sick and have to fly half way across the country with colds and a sick toddler (we ended up getting so sick). I think my husband said something at one point about having her cover her mouth which isn’t like him but my niece and nephew were fighting over the iPad and grabbing it back and forth and he had to tell them to stop doing that too.

Again, my sister just sat there and watched. I kept my mouth shut because I knew if I was the one to say “hey kids, let’s be gentle with the computer” my sister would have jumped down my throat.

Fast forward….my husband and I planned to leave earlier than we were going to because I could just feel a storm coming on with my sister.

We were getting everything together to go and I was trying to find my mom to tell her goodbye. That’s when someone mentioned a quick photo and I was standing while holding the hummingbird.

My sniffling, sneezing, and coughing niece asked if she could hold the hummingbird and I told her I better hold her for know.

1. My niece had tried to hold her before but she just couldn’t physically hold her without toppling over so I thought that would be a really sucky idea.

2. My niece was sick and the hummingbird was clinging to me. I think she probably felf the fucked up energy in the air.

All of a sudden, my sister starts yelling at me. “Why can’t (niece) hold her? Is she not good enough for you!” “You treat my kids like they have AIDS.”

On and on and on she went. I stood there stunned. It just sounded like everything she was saying that I was supposedly thinking was actually her insecurities about her life because while I wouldn’t want to be living where she does, I really don’t care at this point. She’s the one who chose her life, not me.

So, everyone stood there silent while my sister yelled at me about all kinds of things and as usual, I felt like my parents were sticking up for her. I was expecting one of them to tell her she was out of line. Something…anything….nothing was said.

I was so fucking done with her and her shit so that’s when I said we were leaving. I just wish we left earlier when I told my husband we should because then this might not have happened.

To be fair, I have no idea what goes on in my sister’s head…obviously….and maybe she was going through a rough time.

But she doesn’t have to always take this shit out on me.

Since then, we haven’t said a word to each other. I know she’s my sister but this has been going on for years and I’m just done. The two of us are just way too different to see eye to eye.

I used to be sad about it but now, to be honest, I’m much happier knowing that my sister isn’t going to say something to knock me down.

Another issue we’ve had for years is I really suck at calling people back and even though my sister knows this, once I would finally call her, she would spend most of the conversation bitching me out about why it took so long to call her back. That would really make me want to call her more often. Ha!

OY!

So, anyway, that was one of my worst holidays. The other worst ones were when my mother’s in-laws would treat her so awful and end up making her cry.

Ugh, tis the season to be jolly by drinking more, right?

What disaster holiday happenings have you had?

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5 Responses to My holiday from hell….the clash of the sisters.

  1. Gina November 23, 2012 at 15:48 #

    Just when I think mine is the only family that is the way it is…. We may be related

  2. Kara November 23, 2012 at 17:32 #

    Our holidays have been pretty drama-free since my MIL passed away 2 years ago. She was never a big problem- but my SIL, who lived with her, was a BIG problem. She and I got along GREAT until hubby and I started having kids- as her husband refused to have more than their single child, somehow my birthing TWO was a cosmic slap in the face to her and she needed to be nasty and treat me like shit every chance she got.

    At the risk of sounding like Satan, I’m sorry my MIL is gone, but I’m glad we no longer have to deal with her precious bitchy daughter because of it. No more Holidays biting my tongue or feeling hurt, no more Holidays watching my husband feel horrible because his mother ignored this behavior and treated him like second best in their family.

    So, hugs to you- your post made me remember the tough times with family and made me feel grateful those times have passed in my family- at least for now.

    KUDOS to you for your patience and will power towards her!

  3. Lawfrog November 23, 2012 at 18:49 #

    It’s not easy to shut out toxic relatives, but it is the best thing to do to restore or retain any peace in your life. I’ve done it myself with a sister and a brother so I know how you feel. Clearly, your sister is severely insecure, but that is her problem not yours. No need to subject yourself to her rantings and ravings. It sounds like it’s long past time to cut the ties that bind and move forward and that is what you’ve done. Good for you. Stay strong!

  4. Paige Hudson Garcia November 24, 2012 at 13:33 #

    I totally get it.

    Most of my in-laws are great, but my own sister (who I used to love and be best buds with) has turned into someone who can be hard to be around for any length of time. I love her, but I don’t always like her very much, and decided years ago that I don’t have to take any crap from ANYbody in this life, especially from people who should be the ones helping to protect me from it. Families are supposed to love and support each other, not intentionally subject each other to BS.

    Just remember that those are HER issues, and not YOURS. It is perfectly ok to decide to only surround yourself with people who bring joy to your life and make you feel good, even if that means distancing from those who just happen to be blood-related.

    To answer your question, a few Christmases ago my brother-and-sister-in-law finally went over the accepted level of crazy, and stirred up a big pot of chaos. My husband’s family is polite to a fault (“oh NO, its perfectly ok to let that elephant in the living room that no one will admit to sh!t all over my new carpet”) but I suck at pretending so I finally took the phone, UNinvited them to our Christmas dinner and told them to please go f()*k themselves while they were also finding somewhere else to go. It was a nightmare at the time, but it has sure made all Christmases after much more peaceful! I don’t have a single regret.

    (Virtual hug)

  5. IzzyMom November 27, 2012 at 11:03 #

    I had a great Thanksgiving but probably because my sister wasn’t there! We have similar issues and haven’t spoken in about 7 years.

    In fact, the last time we were together, we had a blowout the night before my father’s memorial service where her husband was screaming at me in front of everyone, including my three year old, over something I didn’t even know I had done (and, as it happens, actually didn’t do) and nobody except my husband called him out on his assy behavior.

    My other stepsiblings and their spouses just sat there like mute idiots and let him treat me like that, as if I were the one out of line and then my sister came in my room afterward and gave me some MORE shit…the night before we were saying goodbye to my dad!

    So yeah, I don’t really miss her or her asshole husband at all. She criticized me and bossed me around my entire life. What’s to miss? The only part that sucks is that I now cannot stomach the idea of seeing her so I avoid family gatherings.

    Sounds like your sister has some major issues..resentment, envy, insecurity? It’s too bad your family didn’t back you up…someday they will see how things really are.

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