Mommyhood…you’re doing it right.

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Motherhood. If you question how you’re doing as a mom or sit there and cry on the step stool of your kitchen while eating Ben and Jerry’s red velvet ice cream after a rough day with your children, then you’re doing it right.

I can’t stop writing about how bad I’ve felt now that I’m seeing the light when it comes to dealing with depression for so long. The fog is finally clearing from my mind.

I feel like the crappiest mom ever because it made me distance myself from my child while I was held up in my mind and because at the time, depression was winning.

I know I’m not the crappiest mom though. Kate Gosselin…yes…me…not so much.

Yes, I’m judging that crazy lady.

Anyway, here’s some of my perfect mommy rules I thought I was going to go by before I had my daughter (then) vs. my real mommyhood rules that I go by (now).

Then: Let my child watch only an hour or two of television a week because we’re going to fill our days with being together 24/7.

Now: Let my child watch television so I can keep my sanity, shower, keep my sanity, eat, and keep my sanity.

Then: Be calm at all times.

Now:  Freak out most of the time because kids are predictable at being unpredictable.

Then: My child will be fluent in English, Spanish, and French by the time they’re 5.

Now:  The hummingbird is still learning English, thankyouverymuch.

Then: My child will never throw a tantrum but if they do, I will handle it with grace and composure.

Now: When my child throws a tantrum, I handle myself like a frazzled mom, trying to juggle the hummingbird, my purse, the shopping cart, and my sanity while she throws a tantrum and my face turns red from the stares I get from others.

Then: My husband and I will always agree when it comes to making decisions for the hummingbird.

Now: My husband and I are at odds half the time when it comes to the daily things that come up with the hummingbird.

Then: I won’t ever judge other people’s parenting and respect their decisions.

Now: Of course I judge but I do respect other parent’s decisions. I have my own feelings about things….perfectly natural. But it’s not my kid so it’s none of my business and I’ll like you anyway. Just know, you don’t have to tell me all the time or in every. single. blog. post that you don’t let your child go near plastic, you think formula is evil, that you ban (enter company here), etc. I heard you the first and second time.

Then: My daughter will learn to read and write by the time she’s 3 thanks to that non-existent private school that we can’t afford to send her to.

Now: Ummm, I have no idea what I was thinking with that one.

Then: I will LOVE being a mother AT ALL TIMES.

Now:  Ummm, I have no idea what I was thinking with that one.

Then: I will never buy her a toy just to make it out of the store.

Now: I cave most of the time and give the hummingbird a treat so she won’t loudly scream sing the ABC’s.

Then: Be the craftiest motherfucker ever.

Now: Hahahahahaha! I’m lucky if I can glue a cotton ball onto a piece of construction paper.

What are some things you never thought you’d say yes to as a parent?

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9 Responses to Mommyhood…you’re doing it right.

  1. Angie December 4, 2012 at 12:53 #

    I had the same tv rule with my daughter. Now she knows how to use the Disney Jr app on the iPad better than I do . I figured a little bit won’t hurt since she still plays with her toys most of the day.

    I was never going to give her processed, frozen food for dinner. Last night I made her chicken nuggets and fries because I was so tired of arguing about what to have for dinner.
    Angie recently posted..No babyMy Profile

  2. monica December 4, 2012 at 17:28 #

    i love your list. my only addition – it gets worse and worse with each child. 😉 after our fourth we find ourselves doing things we positively swore we would never do.
    monica recently posted..Lessons for a future Monster-in-LawMy Profile

  3. Sharon December 4, 2012 at 18:11 #

    Eat chocolate before breakfast. Hell, on birthday mornings when the children are up at sparrow-bowel-opening-time, either demanding or wielding presents, I have some chocolate myself. It is then best to put a pillow on your head because there is nothing like fresh, chocolatified children for running around the house bellowing like really angry cows.

    • Stephanie December 6, 2012 at 16:36 #

      The other day I gave my daughter Cheetos for breakfast because I could tell she was in one of “those” moods and we NEEDED to get out of the house.

  4. Ashley December 5, 2012 at 06:03 #

    This is a great list, especially the part about thinking you would love mommyhood. I didn’t realize how obsessed with poop I would be…how often, the consistency, etc!
    Ashley recently posted..Those little momentsMy Profile

    • Elle December 5, 2012 at 09:13 #

      Ahhh, the poop obsession. I remember that quite well. My husband and I would even have conversations just about the little hummingbird’s poop. 🙂

  5. SM Johnson December 5, 2012 at 18:18 #

    Then: I thought I would be the one in charge most of the time.

    Now: I realize the kid I imagined I would have is not the kid I actually have. IzzyG was born with her strong personality intact, and other than a few REALLY firm limits, my life is filled with negotiation and compromise.
    SM Johnson recently posted..SM Johnson ~Fuzzy Friday ~ The CatMy Profile

  6. Di December 6, 2012 at 03:22 #

    This post made me smile – I could also fill a whole book with all the unrealistic things I was/was not going to do as a parent and I still spend far too much of my team beating myself up about being a rubbish Mum who never sits and makes spectacular things out of empty cereal boxes. There aren’t very many websites or blogs which say it’s OK just to be OK, too many people are being competitive and, quite frankly, lying through their teeth about how lovely it is to be a parent at all times!

  7. Everyday Empress December 6, 2012 at 10:06 #

    I don’t know what I thought motherhood was going to be like but it is not it. I just didn’t get it until I had Lil’ Bit and I’m still eating my words everyday. I never thought I’d say yes to cookies, ice cream, french fries and while I still don’t feed them to her myself, I’ve quit freaking out about it if my mother-in-law or mom does it while their are watching her. I still try to feed her mostly organic but I know I can’t control what she eats forever. As Reba would say “letitgo!” hahaha
    Everyday Empress recently posted..Seeking the Humor in LifeMy Profile

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