And That’s Why Mommy’s Vagina Is Large

newborn-baby1I was such a doofus when I was pregnant and thought that if women have a vaginal birth, then they have the rest of their years to pee themselves whenever laughing, sneezing, and breathing. Then I had an emergency c-section and found that despite that, my bladder control is a lot to be desired.

This morning:

The hummingbird (age 3): Mommy, what’s this?

Me: That’s a pad.

Hummingbird: Why?  I want to wear it.

Me: Because mommy pees herself sometimes.

Hummingbird: Can I put one on?

Me: No sweetie, you don’t need that for a while.

Hummingbird: Why do you have them?

Me: I already told you, mommy pees herself sometimes.

Hummingbird: Why?

Me: Because a few years ago you were in mommy’s belly and after mommy had you, my vagina got large.

Hummingbird: Your bagina got large?

Me: Yep.

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7 Responses to And That’s Why Mommy’s Vagina Is Large

  1. monica January 17, 2013 at 10:27 #

    omg. that is hilarious. bagina. i love it. my girl 3 says, “pagina” which led to the pagina dialogue. ;o) hope you are recovering? hugs!
    monica recently posted..We might need a paternity test.My Profile

  2. Angie January 17, 2013 at 18:37 #

    I just had my second child, and my 2 year old kept asking why I was bleeding so much. She had quite the child birth lesson. She told me that she also had stitches on her vagina.
    Angie recently posted..Still waitingMy Profile

  3. Anna January 17, 2013 at 22:10 #

    Ahhh the joys of childbirth, they never stop giving!
    Anna recently posted..TV Talk: Nickelodeon’s ‘House of Anubis’ – A Great Show for Kids (and Adults!)My Profile

  4. thedavidcmurphy January 22, 2013 at 15:03 #

    Yeah, soon after my wife and I began to cohabit, some pads were placed in the shopping cart.

    “Didn’t you buy these last week? And the week before?” I asked like slackjawed and wide-eyed newb I am.

    “Yeah,” she replied. “You’ve got a lot to learn, buddy…”

  5. Susan January 23, 2013 at 13:40 #

    But… you don’t pee out of your vagina. Huh.

    • Elle January 27, 2013 at 14:25 #

      But saying vagina is much more fun.

  6. Naomi May 2, 2014 at 18:40 #

    You’re much nicer than I am about pads. I told my daughter they’re bandaides. Now, every time it’s that time of the month, she gets all concerned about my tee-tee boo-boo and tries to give it kisses.

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