Potty training can go fuck itself.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHelp!! The hummingbird still isn’t even close to being potty trained. I have tried all the bribes I can think of, read about the different ways other parents have succeeded, more bribes, more reading, more trying, more bribes…..AAAGGGHHHH!

Nothing seems to be working and she’s approaching 4 pretty fast.

I know she can do it but she will be on the toilet forever and as soon as we give her a pull up, she goes.

The only thing I haven’t done is to go completely cold turkey and take away all the pull ups. It seems like that’s my only choice at this point.

But what about preschool?

Should I take away the pull ups on those days too and chance that she will probably pee herself and be embarrassed?

Or maybe she’ll realize mommy and daddy aren’t fucking around and will actually use the potty which I think there’s more of a chance of happening.

I admit to being a total softie when it’s come to this issue with her because I was afraid of pushing her into this but now it seems like pushing is the only option.

I know there will be messes either way but we’re at a point where we need her to piss or get off the pot and go away to college in pull ups.

We’ve tried the m & m’s, cookies, ice cream, stickers, a chart, reasoning, patience, etc, etc, etc.

Is taking away the pull ups the only way now?

P.S. She has never been interested in the potty training chair we got her… or the second one we got her. She will only sit on the real toilet with her own little seat. Which I thought was good but now I’m wondering if that makes it scarier for her. I don’t know….help!!!

UPDATE: The little hummingbird has peed in the potty twice since last night!!!! I bribed her with everything I could think of and it was the Hello Kitty sleeping bag that won out. Thank You SO, SO MUCH for all of your help and advice. I read every word you had and it means so much. And to think I would EVER be this excited about pee. <Enter dirty joke here>

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21 Responses to Potty training can go fuck itself.

  1. AMotherhoodblog January 26, 2013 at 13:03 #

    Dealing with a reluctant trainer is no fun. Our son took FOREVER to learn that pooping isn’t to be done in your pants. We too tried everything, even offering incentives like treats and toys in exchange for learning to finally do it. He started junior K in pull ups believe it or not we had no choice. Now he does it like the other kids, his pull ups are in his bag as an in case but he got it in his own time. Unless its medical why she’s not doing it, I say she will get it when she gets it.
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  2. Katie January 26, 2013 at 13:17 #

    For school talk to the teachers. And send at least four changes of clothes with shoes.

    We also got a built in child potty seat. After we did it dd trained in three days. And a little looster stool. Yes it’s $55 and worth every penny.

  3. Poppy January 26, 2013 at 13:49 #

    Eek. The only good advice I’ve ever heard parents of human kids give is already up there: They succeed at potty training on their own time. But, it definitely is easier with cats who use their litter box from day one. :)
    Poppy recently posted..tunedMy Profile

    • Elle January 26, 2013 at 13:55 #

      Ya know, you just gave me an idea. I can have her go in the cats litter box. That would probably be easier. ;)

      • Poppy January 26, 2013 at 14:02 #

        I actually laughed out loud at that. :D
        Poppy recently posted..tunedMy Profile

  4. Leigh January 26, 2013 at 14:13 #

    As a parent and a preschool teacher – Hang in there! It’s hard when kids are reticent about using the toilet. Personally? I think sticking to your guns and saying “No more pull-ups” is the way to go. It’s messy, it’s not fun, and it can (unfortunately) be embarrassing, but it’ll do her more justice in the long run.

  5. Melissa January 26, 2013 at 14:48 #

    Honestly I think the only reason our little man finally got potty trained is because our bathroom door didn’t shut properly and he could barge in anytime either one of us was on the toilet. He was peeing in the toilet from about 2 or 3, but he didn’t get the whole pooping thing down until about four and a half. Good luck :-)

  6. Angie January 26, 2013 at 18:38 #

    I went cold turkey with my daughter. There were so many messes for the first few days, but by the end of the week she was running to the bathroom when she needed to go. I gave her chocolate chips as a reward after she went. I would say if she likes sitting on the real toilet, then go with it. Whatever makes her feel more comfortable about going.

    I have no advice for school, but I would ask them what they prefer or what they will do. Good luck!
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  7. Nicole January 26, 2013 at 19:13 #

    I read another blog where the lady bought Pull Ups that were a couple sizes too small. She made a big deal out of trying to get them to fit on her son saying “I don’t know, you must have outgrown the Pull Ups! You better learn to use the potty now!” It worked for her.

  8. Michelle January 27, 2013 at 07:13 #

    My son just decided to start peeing on the potty one day in October–it was like a miracle–but three months later we have made no progress with pooping. He will walk up to me and handle a diaper and say “I need to poop”. I can’t figure out what else to do–it sucks!

  9. thedavidcmurphy January 27, 2013 at 09:11 #

    My three year old son will pee and poop (eventually), if we put him on the potty. The problem is we have to use our powers of anticipation to time it right. He still gives us absolutely zero indication that he needs to go.
    I’m not sure we’re ready for an apartment that smells of piss and carpet with mysterious brown stains, but… we might have to go that route.
    thedavidcmurphy recently posted..Zombie Virus is Ruining my MorningMy Profile

    • Elle January 27, 2013 at 23:10 #

      I think every parent should be given a free carpet cleaner when they leave the hospital. Screw the free diapers. ;)

  10. pamela January 27, 2013 at 15:08 #

    Cold turkey worked for both of mine. Tried the daytime pull ups with my son and it was a nightmare. One day we just “ran out, Oops” and I handed him his unders. Told him that was it. Only on the potty from now on. The occasional accident happened. No biggie. My daughter was starting all day preschool at 3. I handed her her unders and said the same as the son. She’s 4 now and is fine.
    All of them will have accidents. If anyone says it never happened to them, they are so full of…Well, you know what!

    Good luck and stay strong.

  11. Kristen Allen January 27, 2013 at 16:11 #

    Nobody ever died potty training their child. Not the parent nor the child. Remember that. It’s hard, but it’s not life threatening.

    One day, you will be tickled that your daughter is so strong willed. It will serve her well when it is time to resist peer pressure. Today, though? Take a deep breath. Take away the Pull-Ups and be prepared for some extra laundry.

    I bet it won’t take long.

    Follow up with school to see what they expect. And go with your gut. If they give you an answer that doesn’t sit right, then perhaps it’s just not the right school for the Hummingbird.

    Hang in there! I’ve been there. I’m still standing. You will be, too!

    Peace, Kristen
    Kristen Allen recently posted..Lightning Strikes TwiceMy Profile

  12. Leesepea January 27, 2013 at 17:24 #

    It took FOREVER to get SweetPea potty trained. 2 things finally did it:

    1. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood potty episode. http://youtu.be/sIOzAqjHQmo SweetPea always seemed reluctant to take a potty break in the middle of playing, even when I’d see her wiggle or tug at her pants, and then she’d just *barely* make it or wet herself as soon as we got to the bathroom. Somehow after watching this song she said, “Pause it! I need to potty!” and ran to the bathroom and went in her potty chair. Then it was like she understood that the activity you’re doing doesn’t have to END just because you need to potty, that you can go right back to what you’re doing after you’re done in the bathroom.

    2. We let her pick out some cute character underwear at WalMart. She chose Dora and Hello Kitty and My Little Pony. We then put her in underwear for everything except naps and bedtime. It may take another year for her to get through the night without a Pull-up, and I don’t care. She’ll be 4 in May and my goal is to get her to at least take a nap in regular underwear – it’ll be warm and I can put her down in a t-shirt and underwear and I’ll be home all day to deal with laundry if needed, but for now I’m okay with leaving her in a Pull-Up for naps and bedtime. But in public, when we’re out, she’s wearing underwear and she knows to tell me she needs to potty and we go. She isn’t in preschool but does take 45 minute classes twice a week and she knows to tell the teacher when she has to potty.

    M & M’s were pretty influential at first – 1 for pee and 3 for poop – and now she only gets the M & M’s when she poops (I think she holds it in until nap or bedtime because it’s a rare day when there isn’t a stinker when I get her out of bed in the morning). But for the longest time it seemed like nothing was going to work, and then it finally she just did it.

    Best of luck to you! It’ll happen! You can rest assured that she won’t go to the prom in a Pull-up.
    Leesepea recently posted..Words are hard to find**My Profile

  13. Stephenie January 27, 2013 at 18:01 #

    I can’t really tell you what to do…but I can tell you what not to do. LOL

    http://justshyofperfection.com/potty-training-is-the-devil/
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  14. Anna January 27, 2013 at 21:33 #

    I am so happy for you that she finally went!!! I so sympathize with you… While our daughter potty trained quite easily when the turned 3, she is going through some very frustrating poop phase for the last few months and it is driving us nuts!! She hates to poop now and will hold it until it can’t be held anymore and then she will do a very small poop, followed by more small poops throughout the day. Sometimes she won’t poop for days and we have to give her glycerin suppositories to make her go (which she hates, and then that makes her want to go poop even less….) it is just getting worse, and we are at a loss on what to do….
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  15. Anne January 28, 2013 at 14:38 #

    As gross as it sounds, one weekend with a naked hiney can do the trick. She may have a few accidents for you to clean up but she will soon realize that it is much better to run to the potty. Pick a weekend and commit to staying in the house. If it is warm enough you can spend some time outside to minimize clean up. Pullups feel too much like a diaper and undies are still a barrier. Try a naked weekend and see if that does the trick.

  16. Sharon January 30, 2013 at 20:23 #

    Great DVD – Elmo’s Potty Time. Fun, interesting, informative, helps children bring down the stress of accidents, fear of failure, etc. Both kids watched it 15 times.

    Take a break from it when needed, be positive and confident but relaxed about failure.

    One friend decided to “crash through” when they put pants on too early. Wees were fine, the other, not so fine. They started buying really cheap pants and his description of trying to get horribly pooey ones off the girl on the tiny toilet floor of a fancy restaurant would make your hair curl.

    My oldest had pelvic floor muscles like a steel trap. She wouldn’t do it anywhere but in a nappy. Finally she got the confidence to try and three days later, the deed was done.

    Arrgggg

    Good luck. You’ll get there.
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  17. Deanna January 31, 2013 at 14:47 #

    Training my 2.5-year-old right now. I was ready to give up after the first weekend, which entailed 5 wet knickers by lunchtime. But it’s now going well (almost no accidents) using these three tips:
    1) Potty on the floor, not toilet. The toilet puts her in the wrong position (can’t brace feet) and is too hard to get to by herself.
    2) No pull-ups, knickers, or ANYTHING below the waist. She quickly got the idea that wee-wee running down her legs was yucky. Also, I think anything in that area confuses her into thinking she’s wearing a diaper. (Skirt/dress is okay – she prefers a loose-fitting skirt that she pulls off completely before going.)
    3) Put the potty in whatever room she’s playing in and keep reminding her to go (she often refuses, but then goes herself when she needs to).
    And, of course, a jellybean for success.

  18. F. February 9, 2013 at 17:08 #

    We gave treats (small chocolates, rice cakes, suckers, marshmallows) as rewards. Even tossing my 3 year old into the air and cheering when he used the potty.

    However my son only really ‘got’ the potty training when there were negative consequences to soiling himself. If he pooped or peed himself – whatever toy he was playing with at the time was taken away.

    To get it back he’d have to do his business in the potty (pee for pee, poo for poo).

    I can’t take credit for the idea. It’s what my nephew’s daycare did.

    :)

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